DEAR ABBY: My niece, "Vicki," will be 18 in a few days. She works part-time and has started college. Her mom, my sister, lost her husband last year.

Vicki did some research on finding herself the right pet because my sister has allergies. With her own money, Vicki purchased a little garter snake.

Unknown to us, Grandma had an incident with a snake as a child. Grandma has now threatened to never visit Vicki! She said, if anyone gets sick, don't call her. Vicki now feels she must choose between Grandma and her pet, and she's heartbroken.

My niece doesn't drink, sleep around or use drugs. All she wanted was something to love after losing her father. We don't think her grandmother should make her choose, feel guilty or threaten a fractured relationship. Please advise. -- SUPPORTIVE AUNT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR AUNT: Grandma's reaction is extreme, to say the least. A compromise would be for everyone to agree that when Grandma visits, Vicki's garter snake will be kept out of sight and confined to its little "herpetarium." But if Grandma can't accept that, Vicki will have to visit Granny at her house.

DEAR ABBY: How do you let friends know that you've outgrown them without hurting their feelings? I have a couple of friends I would rather not socialize with anymore. I feel I have changed and grown into a different person. I'm sure these people will confront me one day about why I don't return their calls or want to do things with them anymore. I don't want to hurt their feelings or have an unpleasant confrontation with them. Can you help? -- OUTGROWN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OUTGROWN: Not returning phone calls is rude, but no law says that you are obligated to return them immediately. A reason might be that you are busy. People are legitimately busy these days. If you are challenged about why you are less available, an honest answer might be, again, that you are busy or the activity is of less interest to you than it used to be.

Relationships do not always remain static. But no one has a right to create an unpleasant confrontation because you are not at their beck and call. If you are cornered, it is all right to reply that you feel you have changed, it's nothing personal, but you don't wish to hang out as often as before.

DEAR ABBY: My boss often naps at work. I find it disconcerting. When clients call on the phone, I have to tell them he is "not available." He also seems distracted and isn't following through on work that needs to be done. I could never take a nap at work. Have you any suggestions on how I can handle this situation? -- ALERT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALERT: You are not your employer's monitor, and your own sleeping habits do not enter into this. There could be more than one reason why he needs his naps. What he does in his private office is not your business. Handle the situation by doing as you have been instructed and refraining from being judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 24 years and have two daughters, 18 and 14. I'm in a business with my husband and work six days a week. We don't take vacations, go on date nights or spend time together outside of work.

I have had my own bedroom for 15 years because he needs his sleep (he is 15 years older). Our sex life ended two years ago because he says I'm too heavy. (I should lose 40 pounds and so could he.) I do my best to take care of dentist and doctor appointments for the kids, cook healthy meals, prepare for the holidays, drive school carpool, etc.

I feel unappreciated, taken for granted and trapped. He complains that I'm not giving him attention, but then he'll comment on my appearance or criticize me for small tasks that I didn't do "his" way.

I'm tired and overworked. Is it wrong to want to divorce him and be free of this loveless marriage? I cannot picture living this boring, unfulfilling life for the next five or 10 years. I have fantasized about a life without him every single day for the last year.

I don't claim to be perfect -- I'm patient and easygoing to a fault. But he has had two affairs and blames me for them. I have been here for the business and the kids, but what about me? I have been going to night school to take up nursing as a new career to support myself as a backup plan.

I know what I need to do, but I guess I'm looking for validation. There's got to be more to life than what I'm living. -- FED UP IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FED UP: I agree. That you think you will be happier apart from a spouse who deprives you of companionship and affection, cheats, blames you for it and criticizes you regularly is understandable. Under these circumstances, your feelings are valid. However, before making any announcements, schedule an appointment with an attorney who can guide you in what steps to take to protect yourself.

DEAR ABBY: "Cheryl" has been one of my best friends for a very long time. She has helped me through many issues and even some depression over the years, as I have done for her. We live several states apart and talk on a daily basis. Neither of us is dating now, although we both use dating apps and websites.

Lately, Cheryl has been asking me to help her sort through her messages. It has become torture for me because I have begun having romantic feelings for her. I don't know if it would be fair to tell her how I feel about her because of the geographical distance. I know she won't move to be with me because she helps to take care of her father, who lives with her.

I wouldn't have an issue with moving there, but I don't want to make that decision unless I know her feelings are similar. I also don't want to risk losing a friend. I'm not sure if I should just bury these feelings and say nothing, or let her know. Please help. -- CONFLICTED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CONFLICTED: The first thing you should tell your friend is that you are not comfortable sorting through her messages. When she asks you why, explain that after these many years of best friendship, you have begun to develop romantic feelings for her. How she reacts will help you to determine what -- if anything -- to do next. Right now, you are in limbo. She may or may not reciprocate your feelings. But if she doesn't, you will be emotionally free to find love elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who is an extreme hoarder. She and her husband have a beautiful, large, custom-built home that is stacked floor to ceiling with clutter. There are only narrow paths to walk around. Clothes, papers, toys, etc. are piled everywhere. Normally, I would mind my own business, but they have four children at home. The children are getting to the age where they are embarrassed about their home. It is so bad they can't invite friends over.

When we discuss the condition of the place with her and her husband, they get defensive and say they just don't have time. They do both work full-time, and their time off is usually spent shuttling the children to activities. Overall, they are excellent parents, and the children are loved and cared for, but the condition of their house is worse each time I see it, and they continue to buy more and more stuff. Last time I helped clear out a room, it was full of clutter a few weeks later. What can I do to help? Should I stay out of it? Should I contact CPS? -- CLUTTER EVERYWHERE

DEAR CLUTTER EVERYWHERE: Because you say the children are loved and cared for, instead of contacting Child Protective Services, I suggest you quietly place a call to the Health Department for guidance. From your description, the "beautiful, large, custom-built" home may be a fire hazard and possibly a danger to the family's health if there are "critters" also living in that mess. Whether their problem is the result of depression or simply gross disorganization, they do need an intervention for their children's sake.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter is getting married in about two months. Invitations have been sent out, and everything was going along pretty smoothly. However, my two older brothers, who live out of state, have informed me that neither of them will be attending her wedding. They didn't offer any reason for not attending, and money is not an issue.

My father, who has been very ill this past year with cancer, is doing everything he can to be there. My daughter had hoped that everyone could come, as it would be an opportunity for our entire family to be together, especially given my father's poor health.

Am I wrong to be upset? My brothers seem to not prioritize our family very highly. I am trying to focus on who will be there and not on who isn't. But I am afraid this isn't something I will forget. -- TRYING TO SMILE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRYING: Unless you have omitted some important information from your letter, has it not occurred to you that your brothers' refusal may have something to do with their relationship with your father? I'm as mystified as you are about why they refused the invitation, but please don't allow their absence to cast a shadow over this happy occasion.

When you say you won't forget it, I hope you won't waste your precious time looking backward and carrying a grudge. Your daughter's wedding is not a command performance, and if your brothers cannot be there to appreciate the joyous occasion, so be it.