DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who lived in my home most of the time for about six years. During that period, she rented out rooms in her house. She paid her bills, and I paid mine, but I covered her living off me. At the time, it didn't bother me much because I could afford it, although I would have preferred to save that money.

I have since sold that house and bought my dream retirement home in another state. Now, I stay with her, and her renters have moved out. It's unpleasant sometimes because when she gets drunk she accuses me of using her. (It's true, I am.) Is it OK to use her by staying in her home without really liking her much? I feel it's my turn to leech, and I'd like to stick it out until I retire in about a year. -- WAITING TO MOVE

DEAR WAITING: It's OK with me as long as it's OK with you. But don't kid yourself. You're not living there rent-free. Tolerating an unpleasant drunk is the price you're paying, and only you can determine whether it's worth it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm originally from another country and have been living in the U.S. for about a decade. Is there a rule of etiquette for kids' play dates?

Quite often, I have invited my child's school friends or the neighbor children to my home for play dates, but their parents never return the courtesy. If my child wants to keep having play dates with those children, should I continue inviting them?

I sometimes feel I could be making the parents uncomfortable, but I feel my child's socialization is more important than what the other parents might think. Am I setting myself up for abuse from those other parents by sending the message that I don't mind always being the host? -- CONFUSED MOTHER

DEAR CONFUSED: Kudos to you for helping your child to socialize and inviting the children into your home. However, not all parents feel as comfortable as you do about having children over, or are as able to do so. Whether or not you are being taken advantage of, I can't say. But perhaps it's better that you have the children in your home where you can observe and supervise what's going on than they be someplace where you can't.

DEAR ABBY: Ten months ago, I searched for my birth mother and made contact. We corresponded via letters. She was terminally ill and preferred to keep me a secret from her children. I understood her feelings and respected her wishes.

She passed away last month, and her husband sent a letter notifying me. My question is: How long should I wait before reaching out to my siblings? -- REACHING OUT IN MAINE

DEAR REACHING OUT: Do so at any time you wish, but be prepared for them to be shocked and possibly disbelieving. It would have been better had your birth mother prepared them before her death, but since she didn't, I see no reason why you should remain a guilty secret.

DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You are the personification of patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. Today I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I work retail and have bipolar disorder. (I have been stable for nine years.) A few Christmases ago, a customer called me "hateful" because I wished her a Merry Christmas. (She doesn't come into the store anymore.) My manager and co-workers explained that she was in a bad mood that day, and it wasn't my fault.

Due to my illness, I am obsessed with thoughts that it will happen again during the holidays, and I won't know what to say or how to react, or I'll think it's my fault. Worse yet, I no longer want to say Merry Christmas again, although I will try. Do you have any advice in case I get another bad reaction? -- GREETING IN THE EAST

DEAR GREETING: You did nothing wrong! When December rolls around, the expressions "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Holidays" are very common. If a customer takes offense, all you need to reply is, "Excuse me if I offended you." And if you're still worried about this issue, discuss it with your doctor or therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I want to know if I should ask my neighbor out. I'm a female, and I don't want to come across as aggressive. I'm also a Christian who was taught that a woman should never ask a guy out. Could I ask him out to hang out -- not necessarily for a date?

I'm a single parent of a 14-year-old. This neighbor is cute and single and has two kids. I don't know him well. I've made many mistakes with men in the past, which is why I'm cautious. What's your advice? -- CAREFUL IN WYOMING

DEAR CAREFUL: Many men would be very happy to be asked out. Because you haven't had the opportunity to get to know this man, it may be time to create one. Consider hosting a friendly get-together for some of your neighbors and invite him and his children to participate. You didn't mention how old his children are, but if they hit it off with yours, so much the better. It's a friendly gesture that shouldn't be considered aggressive.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Southern belle who was given two "first" names, such as Mary Lou (Peggy Sue, Betty Ann, Bobbi Jo, etc.). All my life the second half of my first name has been dropped. When I sign in at a doctor's office as "Mary Lou," it never fails that when I'm called or the receptionist looks at my records, my name is listed as Mary even after I have explained that my name is Mary LOU. At the pharmacy, I am asked my birth date because they say they have several Mary Smiths, even when I say I am Mary Lou Smith. Can you please tell me what I can say so they will remember that I have two first names? -- NOT JUST MARY, IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT JUST MARY: Try this the next time it happens. Look the person in the eye and say, "I prefer to be called by my full name. It's Mary Lou, NOT Mary. Please note that in your computer so we can be clear about it."

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a great guy for two years. We each have two kids from a previous marriage. I am still legally married (separated almost three years) and am in the process of divorcing. My ex is stubborn and vindictive. He's dragging this whole thing out for no good reason other than to spite me.

I brought up the issue of moving in together with my boyfriend, but he told me he isn't ready. Clearly, since my divorce isn't final, we aren't getting engaged or married anytime soon, but I think it would be the next logical step in moving forward in our relationship.

We see each other every weekend, our kids get along great, and I yearn to blend this already blended family under one roof. I love him, and he says he loves me. He says the fact that I'm still legally married doesn't bother him.

I'm wondering, because after two years he still isn't ready, if he'll ever be ready. What if my divorce isn't final for years? Must I wait until then to be living together?

Honestly, I just want to go to bed with him and wake up with him every morning. Should I set myself a time limit for him to move forward, or should I quit now? We get along in every way, and this is the one worry in the back of my mind. -- WAITING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAITING: You and your boyfriend need to have an honest conversation. It's possible he may want to avoid the present drama in your divorce. It's equally possible that he doesn't want to move in together because he likes your relationship just the way it is -- living independently from Monday to Friday while enjoying the pleasure of each other's company on weekends.

If this is the case, you need to know that things may not change if and when your husband decides to finalize the divorce. This is something you may also want to discuss with your divorce lawyer. There may be a way to sever the tie that binds. You should not be held captive for years because your spiteful almost-ex is dragging things out.

DEAR ABBY: One of my close friends' 37-year-old daughter was recently married. One hundred and fifty people were invited to her wedding, and I was not one of them. I sent a gift to the bride and groom before the wedding. We have been neighbors and close friends of her parents for 25 years. Needless to say, I am hurt.

My friend keeps sharing all the particulars and photos with me, which I gush over, but she doesn't realize my heart is broken. I thought we were the best of friends. She has other close friends, and I know them too. They were all at the wedding. I am sad and clueless about why I was snubbed, and I can't get over it. Help! -- HURTING INSIDE

DEAR HURTING: It was not your friend's wedding you were eliminated from but her daughter's. If there were 150 guests, half may have come from the groom's side -- friends, relatives, etc. Also, the happy couple may have wanted to include their own contemporaries. Level with your neighbor about how you feel and ask why you were left off the guest list. You may not have been snubbed at all.