DEAR ABBY: My husband has lost a significant amount of weight over a very short period of time. He isn't on drugs and eats well. I have begged him to see a doctor. He has come up with a variety of excuses and reasons why he has lost the weight. First it was because he was stressed at work. Then it was because he was stressed at home. Now he says he just needs to eat and exercise more, but he's "SOOO busy," but he'll start eventually.

It has become a problem for several reasons. One, all the church ladies have concluded that I don't cook at home (which I do). Two, he looks so ill and malnourished that people are asking me if he is on drugs (he has been tested at work, and this is not the case). Three, friends and family are deeply concerned but scared to approach him about his health because he swears he feels fine and is actually doing wonderfully.

Abby, I love my husband. He's a good man, although he can sometimes be stubborn and closed-minded. I'm terrified that he's dying of cancer and he's going to leave me a single mom. I can no longer discuss the subject of weight with him because he gets extremely defensive and says I should just give him time to get back to how he was. How long do I give him? It has been 10 months. I'm afraid if this goes on any longer, it will put a strain on our relationship that won't be easily fixed by just talking it out. -- ALARMED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALARMED: Some people foolishly avoid going to the doctor because they are afraid of what they will hear. You should be alarmed because your husband's sudden, unexplained, prolonged weight loss can be a symptom of a life-threatening illness.

This is not a question of how or how well you cook (bless those church ladies!), or whether your husband is on drugs. It is a question of you alerting his doctor, explaining what's going on and possibly saving his life. If he won't listen to reason, put it in terms of him being alive long enough to see his child/children into adulthood. But if he still won't listen to reason, then all you can do is make sure his affairs are in order in case the worst happens.

DEAR ABBY: I am about to be shipped off to basic training for the Army, and I have heard many horror stories about military spouses cheating while their significant other is away. Any advice on how to make sure my relationship doesn't end up like that? Do you think she will cheat? -- WONDERING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WONDERING: Having never met your significant other, I have no way of guessing whether she will cheat on you -- just as I can't predict if the reverse will be true. But this I do know: Communication is the key to overcoming the physical distance. Writing and Skyping as often as you can to share what's going on will keep you from drifting apart.

Will there be more temptations while you're separated? Probably. That's true for both of you. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with this person -- or anyone -- you should be confident that she's trustworthy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old mom of two girls who has been single for five years. In that time, I've dated a few men, but haven't found one who fulfills my "wish list."

The last man I was interested in seemed like he had possibilities. There was a strong mutual attraction. We spent a lot of time together, went on dates and were physically intimate. However, because of his recent divorce and subsequent emotional struggles, it became apparent that we wouldn't work out in the long term. It was disappointing, but we are still good friends and talk daily.

In the meantime, I have begun dating a very nice 48-year-old man with whom I have a lot in common. He's very successful professionally, and we get along well. He is also very attracted to me. If things continue to go well and it develops into a long-term relationship, I have no doubt he would provide a very comfortable life for my children and me.

The problem is, I'm not very attracted to him. He's a nice, normal-looking man, but if I passed him on the street, I wouldn't give him a second glance. I continue to see him because it seems we may be compatible, and I enjoy spending time with him, but is it wrong to be disappointed that I don't feel "fireworks"?

This may seem shallow, but after feeling so much chemistry with a man I was madly attracted to, it's difficult to be in this position. It's next to impossible to find someone who possesses every single quality I want, especially because I live in a small town, and I am likely not going to match everything on his list either. How do I break down these barriers that I'm putting in front of him? -- NO SPARKS IN OREGON

DEAR NO SPARKS: I can't guarantee this will work, but a giant step in the right direction might be to stop talking every day with the man you are so attracted to. Although he appears to be over you, you do not appear to have him completely out of your system. Until that happens, no one is going to measure up.

DEAR ABBY: I was born in the mountains of western North Carolina, but I have been obsessed with the beach since I was a toddler. I am an empty nester and retired. Soon my husband and I would like to move to Florida for the warmer climate and to ease our ocean-obsessed souls. The problem is, I am heartbroken to leave my mother. She's getting older, and we are very close.

She has given me her blessing, as she knows the winters here make me miserable physically and mentally. The thing is, I will miss her terribly. We can video chat and visit often, but I can't shake my guilt over leaving her.

My brother lives close by and will take care of her if she needs anything (she lives independently) and keep her company, and she does have a friend she spends time with also. Am I being unreasonable? Or am I being completely selfish? It just feels wrong to leave her. -- TORTURED DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TORTURED: Your mother has given you her blessing to move. Take her up on it with a light heart. And during the winter months, invite her to come and stay with you if she wishes. That way you won't have to feel guilty, and she might enjoy the warmer weather.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old daughter has been dating a wonderful young man for two years. He's 21, almost 22. He treats her exceptionally well.

She has decided on a whim that she has "an itch" to know what it's like to "be with" other people! (They were each other's first everything.) I do understand that thought or "itch," but I don't feel it NEEDS to be acted upon.

When she told him, it broke his heart. When I asked him if he was OK, he responded, "No, but I will be. I just want her to be happy." It brought tears to my eyes. He's such a wonderful young man.

My daughter has no idea what a huge mistake she's making. Of course I want to support her no matter what, but I feel her actions are mean and selfish. How do I convey this to her but also be supportive? -- EMOTIONAL MOM IN BALTIMORE

DEAR MOM: It is better that the boyfriend knows your daughter's true feelings. Having said what she did has freed him to move on.

Tell her you are glad she confided in you, you think she had a solid gold winner in the young man she has been with for the last two years, and you will always be there to emotionally support her if she needs it. That's all you can do at this point.

DEAR ABBY: Have people now decided they cannot travel without their dogs?

My sister and her husband take an annual trip to visit my parents, who live six hours from my family. Because they pass near our town, they stop and visit with us, too. I love seeing my sister, but they bring their large dog and expect us to keep our Siamese cat locked up while they're here. (Our kitty is terrified of dogs.) They tend to stay at least four or five days, during which time we must keep our cat in our bedroom with his litter box and food.

Their dog is sweet, but he makes a big mess when he eats, and they don't scoop his poop until the end of their visit. Once they're gone, I vacuum up dog hair for weeks.

Any questions I ask -- "Could you wipe up 'Rover's' dinner?" -- are met with either "In a minute" (never) or "He's such a messy eater. Ha ha!" When I tried to be frank about the problem of having to lock our cat up and the kibble all over the floor, my sister got upset and told our parents we were "anti-dog people" who didn't appreciate their efforts to visit family.

Any suggestions on how to deal with these visits? I don't want to cause a family feud over a five-day visit every year, but I'm beginning to dread them coming. -- OVER IT BIG TIME

DEAR OVER IT: If you haven't told your parents what you have written to me, you should because they should hear your side of this. Perhaps they can get through to your nervy sister that what she's doing is rude, inconsiderate and an imposition. Then tell your sister you would love to see her, but if she's bringing Rover with her, you can accommodate her for ONE night, not five -- and repeat the rules she must follow while she's there.

DEAR ABBY: I gave my mom a surprise 90th birthday party. My cousin and his wife and their two adult children and three grandchildren came. I paid $23 a head for a sit-down dinner. Mom was given a scented candle from all of them, but the kicker is my cousin sells them, so it cost them nothing. Is there any way I can tell them how cheap they are without causing a war? -- UNFAIR IN THE EAST

DEAR UNFAIR: I don't recommend you broach that subject the way you presented it to me. It would have been better if more thought had been devoted to selecting a gift, but what you paid for the dinner should have no bearing.