DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old mom of two girls who has been single for five years. In that time, I've dated a few men, but haven't found one who fulfills my "wish list."

The last man I was interested in seemed like he had possibilities. There was a strong mutual attraction. We spent a lot of time together, went on dates and were physically intimate. However, because of his recent divorce and subsequent emotional struggles, it became apparent that we wouldn't work out in the long term. It was disappointing, but we are still good friends and talk daily.

In the meantime, I have begun dating a very nice 48-year-old man with whom I have a lot in common. He's very successful professionally, and we get along well. He is also very attracted to me. If things continue to go well and it develops into a long-term relationship, I have no doubt he would provide a very comfortable life for my children and me.

The problem is, I'm not very attracted to him. He's a nice, normal-looking man, but if I passed him on the street, I wouldn't give him a second glance. I continue to see him because it seems we may be compatible, and I enjoy spending time with him, but is it wrong to be disappointed that I don't feel "fireworks"?

This may seem shallow, but after feeling so much chemistry with a man I was madly attracted to, it's difficult to be in this position. It's next to impossible to find someone who possesses every single quality I want, especially because I live in a small town, and I am likely not going to match everything on his list either. How do I break down these barriers that I'm putting in front of him? -- NO SPARKS IN OREGON

DEAR NO SPARKS: I can't guarantee this will work, but a giant step in the right direction might be to stop talking every day with the man you are so attracted to. Although he appears to be over you, you do not appear to have him completely out of your system. Until that happens, no one is going to measure up.

DEAR ABBY: I was born in the mountains of western North Carolina, but I have been obsessed with the beach since I was a toddler. I am an empty nester and retired. Soon my husband and I would like to move to Florida for the warmer climate and to ease our ocean-obsessed souls. The problem is, I am heartbroken to leave my mother. She's getting older, and we are very close.

She has given me her blessing, as she knows the winters here make me miserable physically and mentally. The thing is, I will miss her terribly. We can video chat and visit often, but I can't shake my guilt over leaving her.

My brother lives close by and will take care of her if she needs anything (she lives independently) and keep her company, and she does have a friend she spends time with also. Am I being unreasonable? Or am I being completely selfish? It just feels wrong to leave her. -- TORTURED DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TORTURED: Your mother has given you her blessing to move. Take her up on it with a light heart. And during the winter months, invite her to come and stay with you if she wishes. That way you won't have to feel guilty, and she might enjoy the warmer weather.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a relationship with a man who lives eight hours away. We met last year through a dating site while he was in my area on a business trip but lost contact shortly after he returned home. We recently reconnected and have been talking and/or texting daily since. I'm looking for a job in his area, and he is in favor of that.

Ever since the last time I visited him (a week ago), his texts have become less romantic and there are fewer of them. We also haven't talked on the phone as often. He works 60-plus hours a week and sees his children on weekends, so I understand his time is limited. (However, he made time for me until a week ago.)

Today I asked him if he was still interested in me. I pointed out that I haven't heard from him as often as I did before my last visit, and I'm getting the feeling he's lost interest. He said he hasn't lost interest; he has just been busy.

He went on to say he doesn't have time to be on the phone with me 24/7, and my pessimism bothers him. I responded that I don't think it's unreasonable to want to hear from him at least once a day if we are in a committed relationship, especially since we don't have the luxury of being able to spend time together often. Is it too much to ask to hear from him on a daily basis? After all, I am willing to relocate for him. -- SERIOUS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SERIOUS: It's entirely possible, with his work schedule and family commitments, that he has been busy in the week since your visit. It is also possible that he's feeling pressured because of your impending move to his city, and you have picked up on the fact that he is distancing himself. I suggest you slow down that move. Don't push or smother him. Give him a chance to pursue you for a while. His reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.

DEAR ABBY: When my mom passed away, friends and family were very responsive immediately following her death. During that time, I was numb and in a fog. Weeks later, when I really needed emotional support and help packing things up, no one was around. The same thing happened when my father passed away, and now with the passing of my beloved dog. I realize that everyone is busy with their own lives. A few days of caring and then "crickets"! Is this the new normal? -- BUSY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BUSY: I am sorry you have experienced all the deaths you have because the sadness can be cumulative. I do not think people mean to be insensitive at times like this. Unless someone has experienced the kind of losses that you have, they often fail to understand that the grieving person may need more than an "I'm sorry for your loss." This is why it is important for those who are grieving to express to their friends what they need from them. Sometimes people are just waiting for guidance.