life

Student's Fear of the Future Makes Every Day a Struggle

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm frightened that I will become homeless and won't be able to pay my bills. I'm afraid of getting older and ending up a homeless woman, freezing to death on the streets. I worry that the college degree I'm working toward will be useless.

I see the challenges older people go through: house bills, medical bills, student loans, car bills, trying to save for retirement. I'm accused of being a cheapskate, but I'm terrified I will never have enough. Sometimes the future seems bleak. While other people see possibilities and adventure, all I can see is a homeless death on the streets.

I struggle every day to find a reason to get up. I distract myself with simple goals: go to class, finish homework, get a college degree, and then get some kind of job. But there are so many bills to pay just to live -- so many problems in the future that are right around the corner.

When you're a single gal alone in this world, the melancholy begins to seep in. I ask myself, is this life worth it? What is the point of getting up day after day knowing that when I graduate from college there's nothing ahead of me but a life of constant bills and misery? -- EVERYDAY STRUGGLE

DEAR EVERYDAY STRUGGLE: It has been some time since I have seen a letter filled with as much negativity and depression as the one you have written. One of the benefits of being in school is you have access to the student health center. I urge you to go there and talk to a counselor who can help you cope with your fears before they become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Decades ago, President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." This applies to you. We all have moments of doubt about what's to come, but when fear about the future destroys the present, it's time to seek professional help and an attitude adjustment. Please do it, because if you do, I'm confident you will feel better.

MoneyWork & SchoolMental Health
life

Ink Stains Mar Great-Grandmother's China

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I inherited eight place settings of china that belonged to my great-grandmother. I had no place to display it, so I carefully wrapped each piece in newspaper and put them inside a hard-sided plastic tote.

When I moved into my current apartment five years ago, my mother was helping me unpack, and we wanted to put the china set in a cupboard above the refrigerator. When we started unpacking, we found many of the pieces had become stained from the ink in the newspaper.

Abby, my mother and I are heartbroken. My great-grandmother collected each piece of this set with Green Stamps during World War II, and I hate that it's now damaged. Do you know of a way I can safely get this staining out of the china? -- HEARTBROKEN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I researched your question at HowToCleanStuff.net and found several suggestions for removing newsprint stains from dishes. One involves using a pencil eraser; another, a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol. However, if you are afraid these methods could further damage your china set, call the nearest art museum and speak with someone in their restoration department. I wish you and your mother good luck.

Family & Parenting
life

Long-Married Widower Knows He Will Want to Marry Again

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were happily married for 45 years. We both come from large, close families, and we were devoted to each other. We virtually never fought. She died suddenly four months ago. There was no warning. I was devastated, but my family and my faith buoyed me up through the darkest times.

I still have great sadness over her death, but I'm starting to do better. More than anything, I am lonely. After being so close to my wife for so many years, it's hard being suddenly single. I have met several single women who seem very nice, who share my religion and have shown some interest in me.

I really don't have a desire right now to start dating, but I have realized that I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone and unmarried. I don't want my children and my wife's family to think I'm too eager or glad to be free of their mother. I also don't want to cause problems in the family. How long after a spouse's death is it appropriate and advisable to wait before starting to date? -- WIDOWER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WIDOWER: It used to be expected that widows and widowers would wait one year, out of respect for their late spouses, to begin dating. However, those rules have loosened over time.

When you feel ready to date, you will know it. That said, make no important decisions or commitments for one year after the funeral -- and that includes remarrying to avoid being lonely. Like many widowers in your age bracket, you may find that you are now a "hot commodity."

DeathMarriage & DivorceLove & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Roommate Wants to Renegotiate Rent Agreement

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. At this time of solemn introspection, I wish you all, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Jewish New Year

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. At this time of solemn introspection, I wish you all, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Bad News Comes Secondhand About Bride's Wedding Plans

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon. I grew up without a biological father. When I was younger, a man (I'll call him Tom) stepped into my life and has been like a father to me for almost two decades. I have gone on several family vacations with him and his family.

In preparation for the wedding, I asked Tom if he would walk me down the aisle. He agreed, and I was thrilled. Recently, he has commented to others that he thinks it is inappropriate since he is not my father and does not consider me family. I heard it from someone he had confided in who thought Tom had already spoken with me.

I am devastated and unsure how to react. Tom knows I know but has made no attempt to contact me to talk despite telling others he would. Should I reach out to him and ask why? Should I wait for his call? Should I let it go and move on? I feel like this pain has dampened the excitement of my upcoming wedding. Do you have any advice on how to move forward? -- FATHERLESS IN THE EAST

DEAR FATHERLESS: Staying silent will accomplish nothing. Pick up the phone, call Tom, tell him what you were told and ask if it is true because it may not be. Something may have been lost in translation.

If it IS true, however, remember: You are an independent young woman who can walk herself to the altar. Many women do that these days because they consider the act of being "given" in marriage to be outdated. You could also ask a close male or female friend or relative (your mom?) to accompany you.

Whether what you were told is true or not, thank Tom for the important role he has played in your life and express your gratitude and affection. Do not allow anything to cast a pall on your wedding day!

Family & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations
life

Saturday Nights Get Lonely for Single Woman

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single woman with nothing to do on Saturday nights. I work full time and keep busy during most of the year with curling, guitar lessons, volunteering at a local center (there are no activities on Saturday evenings), and involvement in a church care group. I do not have a boyfriend (not for lack of trying), and I don't have nephews or nieces. My apartment is too small for a pet.

None of my current friends is available on Saturday evenings, so I am feeling a bit lonely. I need something to look forward to on Saturdays -- for as cheap as possible. I have asked my family for suggestions, but they don't have any. Would you have any ideas for someone in my situation? -- SULKING IN SASKATOON, CANADA

DEAR SULKING: Saskatoon is not the middle of nowhere. If there is a movie you would like to see, go. And surely there is a public library. Check out some good books and read them -- it will give you something to talk about. Look into taking a dance class or exercise class. If you do, you may make new friends. Make a point of staying informed about what is happening in your city week by week, because there must be plenty going on if only because of its size.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Forgotten Salves
  • Lucky Squirrel
  • White Dresses
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Dad Baffled by Son's High-end Car Purchase
  • Grandparents' Executor Liquidates Everything
  • Son Isn't the Repairman He Thinks He Is
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal