DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon. I grew up without a biological father. When I was younger, a man (I'll call him Tom) stepped into my life and has been like a father to me for almost two decades. I have gone on several family vacations with him and his family.

In preparation for the wedding, I asked Tom if he would walk me down the aisle. He agreed, and I was thrilled. Recently, he has commented to others that he thinks it is inappropriate since he is not my father and does not consider me family. I heard it from someone he had confided in who thought Tom had already spoken with me.

I am devastated and unsure how to react. Tom knows I know but has made no attempt to contact me to talk despite telling others he would. Should I reach out to him and ask why? Should I wait for his call? Should I let it go and move on? I feel like this pain has dampened the excitement of my upcoming wedding. Do you have any advice on how to move forward? -- FATHERLESS IN THE EAST

DEAR FATHERLESS: Staying silent will accomplish nothing. Pick up the phone, call Tom, tell him what you were told and ask if it is true because it may not be. Something may have been lost in translation.

If it IS true, however, remember: You are an independent young woman who can walk herself to the altar. Many women do that these days because they consider the act of being "given" in marriage to be outdated. You could also ask a close male or female friend or relative (your mom?) to accompany you.

Whether what you were told is true or not, thank Tom for the important role he has played in your life and express your gratitude and affection. Do not allow anything to cast a pall on your wedding day!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single woman with nothing to do on Saturday nights. I work full time and keep busy during most of the year with curling, guitar lessons, volunteering at a local center (there are no activities on Saturday evenings), and involvement in a church care group. I do not have a boyfriend (not for lack of trying), and I don't have nephews or nieces. My apartment is too small for a pet.

None of my current friends is available on Saturday evenings, so I am feeling a bit lonely. I need something to look forward to on Saturdays -- for as cheap as possible. I have asked my family for suggestions, but they don't have any. Would you have any ideas for someone in my situation? -- SULKING IN SASKATOON, CANADA

DEAR SULKING: Saskatoon is not the middle of nowhere. If there is a movie you would like to see, go. And surely there is a public library. Check out some good books and read them -- it will give you something to talk about. Look into taking a dance class or exercise class. If you do, you may make new friends. Make a point of staying informed about what is happening in your city week by week, because there must be plenty going on if only because of its size.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my early 30s who was born with a moderately severe form of cerebral palsy. This disability has always been a major part of my life. As a child, I used a wheelchair and had several surgeries on my legs that were somewhat traumatic. However, through physical therapy and the encouragement of my parents, I was able to learn to do most things on my own, to the point that I got my own apartment, went to college and on to grad school. I support myself just fine.

The problem is, when I was 23 (10 years ago), I was diagnosed with HIV. It was contracted through sex during a time when I was depressed. It was difficult for me emotionally for a few months, but because of my experience with my disability, I was able to pull myself together pretty quickly.

Healthwise, I'm doing great, but I have never told my parents. They are in their early 60s and have worked in fields of government where they encountered HIV decades ago. I don't believe they have any current information about the disease and the effectiveness of treatment.

Should I tell them about my diagnosis? I'm constantly torn between a feeling that I should be raising awareness and destigmatizing HIV, and a fear that they aren't going to understand. I'm not sick, I'm not dying, and my life is not ruined. The advances of the past 30 years have allowed that. But I still feel like letting them know I'm HIV-positive would be a burden on them, especially after what I've faced with cerebral palsy. Should I tell them? And what's the best approach? -- POSITIVELY POSITIVE

DEAR POSITIVE: If your parents are intelligent, they should have some idea that HIV treatment has improved over the decades. Because you appear to be eager to "raise awareness," I suggest that you tell them about your status in as upbeat a manner as possible. Tell them you love them, that you are doing great, your meds are working well, but you thought they ought to know.

DEAR ABBY: I told a close girlfriend of mine I had bought my soon-to-be-born granddaughter a baby ring and plan on giving it to my daughter-in-law at the shower. I was really excited about it. A week later my friend texted me asking if she would be stepping on my toes if she bought the baby a little baby bracelet.

My first reaction was yes, and that she was trying to upstage me at the shower. At any rate, my baby ring would not be as special as I want it to be. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Is it appropriate for her to do that? Now I feel bad that I'm making my granddaughter miss out on a beautiful gift because of my selfishness. I would appreciate your help. -- NOT SPECIAL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NOT SPECIAL: This may not be the answer you are expecting, but I would be remiss if I didn't share my thoughts with you. I am concerned about the wisdom of buying a ring for a small child, particularly a baby. Babies spend a lot of time with their little hands in their mouths. You must know that the ring would not be worn by your granddaughter because such an item could choke an infant (and the bracelet, too, for that matter). Discuss that gift with the child's mother before giving it.

As to your friend's idea of a bracelet, if she was trying to upstage you, she wouldn't have told you about her idea. Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend remarried a couple of years ago, and the new wife, "Jane," is a handful. When we get together, she's as free-spirited and open as you can get, sexually. She hangs on her husband like a magnet, grabbing at him provocatively and letting everyone know anything and everything about her sexual attraction and their sex life.

At first it was funny, since they were newlyweds and all, but it isn't funny any longer. Frankly, it's nauseating. I would like to get together more often, minus the X-rated show. I'm concerned that if I say something (and everyone knows I don't usually bite my tongue), it will cause a major rift between all of us. I don't want to keep my husband from his best friend. Any advice? -- MATURE ONE IN INDIANA

DEAR MATURE ONE: When Jane's behavior presents itself, ask her to tone it down because it makes you uncomfortable. If that doesn't work, the only guaranteed way for Jane's antics to not bother you will be for you to encourage your husband to socialize separately with his best friend so you see Jane as little as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. A few weeks ago, a neighbor I became close to confided to me that her husband is homophobic. When she said he wasn't comfortable around me, I agreed with her that it was best to give them both space and discontinue our friendship. Then her husband approached me and apologized. He told me he is not homophobic, and he wants to be friends, so I decided to forgive.

Lately, he has been trying to include me in his friend group within the neighborhood. I appreciate it, but part of me in all honesty is a bit afraid. Not knowing what he may have mentioned to his friends and how they may treat me has me worried. Should I try and be friends with them and try to repair the friendship? Or should I let it go? -- OUT AND PROUD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OUT AND PROUD: I'd hate to see you isolate yourself. Integrating the neighborhood would be beneficial to all. Give it a try, gauge the way these individuals treat you and make your final decision then.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a wonderful older woman. She is smart, funny, and comes to work with a positive attitude. Unfortunately, she smells of cat urine. It's really bad -- to the point I have moved out of our shared office, and there are plans to move her into her own office. However, that may be months off. She still has office mates, and she's in kind of a "hub."

She lives alone with two dogs and an unknown (to me) number of cats. Her children are grown but don't live nearby. How can I kindly address this with her? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but something has got to give. I have let management know, but they are reluctant to address this. -- NOSE KNOWS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOSE: It is not your job to address this problem with your co-worker. It is management's responsibility. Because you have complained and nothing was done, it's time for the others who are affected by the odor to address management about it collectively.