DEAR ABBY: I live in Atlanta, and my family lives four hours south. My brother travels here often to visit his girlfriend and their son. I never know he's in town unless another family member mentions it or he posts a photo of himself at a local landmark.

My parents and brother came here to attend my nephew's school band concert. No one mentioned that they were coming or contacted me during their visit. I learned about it after speaking with my grandmother the following day. Since then, I have spoken to my parents once briefly, and they still haven't mentioned it. Apparently, judging from the group text I just received, my brother is back in town again today for another event.

I don't want to make this about me, but I feel left out. Do I have the right to have hurt feelings? -- FORGOTTEN SISTER IN GEORGIA

DEAR SISTER: You have the right to feel however you feel. But I have to wonder how close you and your brother really are, and whether you get along with the girlfriend. I suspect this may be why you are not included during these visits. Your parents may not have told you they were in town because they were asked not to or didn't want to hurt your feelings. I think it's time for a family discussion, don't you?

DEAR ABBY: I've always been very independent and haven't had many serious relationships in my 34 years of life. For the last two years, I have been in a healthy relationship with a man who is kind, smart and makes me feel like I can be myself.

On our first anniversary, although we had never talked about marriage, he surprised me with a proposal. I didn't feel the excitement and joy that I had always pictured myself feeling when this moment finally happened to me. We haven't set a wedding date, nor am I thrilled about getting married.

I love this person and appreciate him, but I feel like I should be over-the-moon about spending forever with him. Do these blase feelings mean this isn't the right person for me, or that I'm simply not ready for the next step? -- BEWILDERED MOUNTAIN GIRL

DEAR GIRL: Real life isn't like it is portrayed in the movies and on television. There is no cookie-cutter reaction to receiving a proposal. Many women would be thrilled to receive a proposal of marriage from a man who is kind, smart and with whom they can be themselves. (I am not implying that this should be you.)

My recommendation is that you two have a long engagement as well as premarital counseling, so you can both determine what's important to you and if you are on the same page. Frankly, these discussions should have started well before a proposal.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for five years and together with my husband for 15. I love him, and I try to look attractive for him.

I recently got a shorter haircut that I thought looks nice. When my husband saw it, his reaction was, "It doesn't look bad," and, "If you like it, that's all that matters." I can't help but feel slighted and a little hurt. Am I being too sensitive? -- HURT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HURT: Maybe. Your husband is entitled to his reaction, and he was honest with you. Would you have preferred that he lie? If you like the new hairstyle, keep it. If you are having second thoughts, remember it's not an arm or a leg; it's only hair, and it will grow.

DEAR ABBY: I never had sex unless I was in love and knew there was a strong possibility of a solid future. Well, I am 51 now and newly single. My divorce was final four months ago, and I am now living in a new state.

I joined one of those hookup sites, found someone and began having sex with him. I nearly backed out and panicked because his profile said he lived 30 minutes away from me, but he was at my house in 10 minutes (!) saying he was visiting a friend in my neighborhood.

He's well-educated, gorgeous, adorable, and I'm having the most amazing, mind-blowing sex of my life. The problem is, I'm falling in love, and he's only 33. I never thought I could go through with a hookup, but I did. I need to end this, but I don't know how. -- TRYING TO END IT IN THE EAST

DEAR TRYING: When people are newly divorced, because the process is often stressful and depressing, they can go on a kind of high when it's final. At some point you will regain your equilibrium, and when you do, you will know how to end it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 45 years has an older sister who is a nasty, narcissistic bully. She has treated my wife and our family like dirt for years, yet my wife continues to tolerate it and refuses to hear of any negative comments about her sister from me.

Because of the way she has behaved, I do not want any contact with my sister-in-law. I am at a loss, though, as to how to keep the relationship from causing trouble in my marriage. Why do bullied people refuse to see their abusers for what they are? -- DONE WITH IT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DONE WITH IT: It's lack of self-esteem. Bullied people somehow think they deserve the ill treatment they are receiving. Your wife may come from a background where abuse was normal. If you prefer to avoid your sister-in-law, that is your privilege. However, as long as your wife accepts the status quo, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine is a very nice person. He and his wife live in Pennsylvania. I live in New Jersey. He comes here, and I go there to where he lives.

Every time it's his turn to pay, he comes to lunch alone. Every time it is my turn, he brings along his wife. I don't feel right about it. He does offer extra money, which I'm really not comfortable accepting.

When it's his turn, he pays $25, but when it is mine, the tab is usually $40 to $50 because there's an extra person involved. Sometimes he takes care of the tip. Should I tell him I have things to do and can't go to lunch? -- UNSURE UP NORTH

DEAR UNSURE: Because you enjoy his company, tell him that although you like his wife, you would feel more comfortable if when you have lunch together it's "just us guys." Either that, or suggest that from now on you each request separate checks.

DEAR ABBY: I am a veteran, and something gnaws at me every time I hear it. It's the expression, "Thank you for your service." Having lived through the '60s and '70s, I remember all too well seeing many soldiers bad-mouthed and worse during those times. Since 9/11 many of the same people who were critical of us then are now thanking us. It rings hollow to many of the vets I have talked to. We did our job, some to the ultimate level. We never asked for thanks, and we still don't.

We respect the rights given to those who wish to abuse them because we believe in them. Some of us even died so all could enjoy these rights. If a person truly wants to thank a vet, DO something for him or her instead of just offering lip service. Cut their grass, offer to help carry in their groceries, etc. While words are appreciated at times, hearing them too often becomes hollow. Showing appreciation is always welcome. -- A VETERAN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR VETERAN: I am printing your letter because I know those feelings exist among some older veterans. However, I see nothing wrong with expressing thanks when someone feels it is deserved, as well as lending a hand when needed. These acknowledgments should be accepted as graciously as they are offered.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and her mother died from complications of Alzheimer's. I think I've had a few episodes lately, although it may just be stress over some recent monetary problems.

I don't know whether I should mention this to my daughter, who lives in a different state and who has shouldered a lot of other responsibilities. One of my sons lives closer but, for several reasons, he is not the primary decision-maker if I am actually experiencing early signs of Alzheimer's.

I know if my daughter had a possible medical problem, I'd be very upset if she didn't let me know, even though I couldn't be of any significant use. Should I say something to her about these possible symptoms of Alzheimer's? Or should I tell her husband, who is wonderful, so he can keep abreast of a possible upcoming medical problem?

I have not consulted a physician because I think they may sometimes be too quick to prescribe meds, and so far, I am daily-medication-free. Where does one draw the line between being an alarmist and keeping loved ones in the loop? -- PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION

DEAR PROCEEDING: The first person you should discuss this with is your physician, so you can be evaluated and your fears possibly put to rest. If you do have Alzheimer's, your daughter and her husband should be told so you can all decide together what the next steps should be. As to being medicated, this is something you and your doctor should decide because although the medications cannot cure Alzheimer's, they can slow it down.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants to go to a residential mental health facility for a year-long program to deal with his depression and suicidal thoughts (due to a traumatic childhood). I'm all for it, but I don't know how to cover for him. He's very private and doesn't want people to know. So how do I explain a year-long absence? -- SUPPORTIVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: An easy way of explaining it would be to say your husband decided to take a year-long "sabbatical," which requires him to be out of the area. Period.