DEAR ABBY: I never had sex unless I was in love and knew there was a strong possibility of a solid future. Well, I am 51 now and newly single. My divorce was final four months ago, and I am now living in a new state.

I joined one of those hookup sites, found someone and began having sex with him. I nearly backed out and panicked because his profile said he lived 30 minutes away from me, but he was at my house in 10 minutes (!) saying he was visiting a friend in my neighborhood.

He's well-educated, gorgeous, adorable, and I'm having the most amazing, mind-blowing sex of my life. The problem is, I'm falling in love, and he's only 33. I never thought I could go through with a hookup, but I did. I need to end this, but I don't know how. -- TRYING TO END IT IN THE EAST

DEAR TRYING: When people are newly divorced, because the process is often stressful and depressing, they can go on a kind of high when it's final. At some point you will regain your equilibrium, and when you do, you will know how to end it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 45 years has an older sister who is a nasty, narcissistic bully. She has treated my wife and our family like dirt for years, yet my wife continues to tolerate it and refuses to hear of any negative comments about her sister from me.

Because of the way she has behaved, I do not want any contact with my sister-in-law. I am at a loss, though, as to how to keep the relationship from causing trouble in my marriage. Why do bullied people refuse to see their abusers for what they are? -- DONE WITH IT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DONE WITH IT: It's lack of self-esteem. Bullied people somehow think they deserve the ill treatment they are receiving. Your wife may come from a background where abuse was normal. If you prefer to avoid your sister-in-law, that is your privilege. However, as long as your wife accepts the status quo, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine is a very nice person. He and his wife live in Pennsylvania. I live in New Jersey. He comes here, and I go there to where he lives.

Every time it's his turn to pay, he comes to lunch alone. Every time it is my turn, he brings along his wife. I don't feel right about it. He does offer extra money, which I'm really not comfortable accepting.

When it's his turn, he pays $25, but when it is mine, the tab is usually $40 to $50 because there's an extra person involved. Sometimes he takes care of the tip. Should I tell him I have things to do and can't go to lunch? -- UNSURE UP NORTH

DEAR UNSURE: Because you enjoy his company, tell him that although you like his wife, you would feel more comfortable if when you have lunch together it's "just us guys." Either that, or suggest that from now on you each request separate checks.

DEAR ABBY: I am a veteran, and something gnaws at me every time I hear it. It's the expression, "Thank you for your service." Having lived through the '60s and '70s, I remember all too well seeing many soldiers bad-mouthed and worse during those times. Since 9/11 many of the same people who were critical of us then are now thanking us. It rings hollow to many of the vets I have talked to. We did our job, some to the ultimate level. We never asked for thanks, and we still don't.

We respect the rights given to those who wish to abuse them because we believe in them. Some of us even died so all could enjoy these rights. If a person truly wants to thank a vet, DO something for him or her instead of just offering lip service. Cut their grass, offer to help carry in their groceries, etc. While words are appreciated at times, hearing them too often becomes hollow. Showing appreciation is always welcome. -- A VETERAN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR VETERAN: I am printing your letter because I know those feelings exist among some older veterans. However, I see nothing wrong with expressing thanks when someone feels it is deserved, as well as lending a hand when needed. These acknowledgments should be accepted as graciously as they are offered.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and her mother died from complications of Alzheimer's. I think I've had a few episodes lately, although it may just be stress over some recent monetary problems.

I don't know whether I should mention this to my daughter, who lives in a different state and who has shouldered a lot of other responsibilities. One of my sons lives closer but, for several reasons, he is not the primary decision-maker if I am actually experiencing early signs of Alzheimer's.

I know if my daughter had a possible medical problem, I'd be very upset if she didn't let me know, even though I couldn't be of any significant use. Should I say something to her about these possible symptoms of Alzheimer's? Or should I tell her husband, who is wonderful, so he can keep abreast of a possible upcoming medical problem?

I have not consulted a physician because I think they may sometimes be too quick to prescribe meds, and so far, I am daily-medication-free. Where does one draw the line between being an alarmist and keeping loved ones in the loop? -- PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION

DEAR PROCEEDING: The first person you should discuss this with is your physician, so you can be evaluated and your fears possibly put to rest. If you do have Alzheimer's, your daughter and her husband should be told so you can all decide together what the next steps should be. As to being medicated, this is something you and your doctor should decide because although the medications cannot cure Alzheimer's, they can slow it down.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants to go to a residential mental health facility for a year-long program to deal with his depression and suicidal thoughts (due to a traumatic childhood). I'm all for it, but I don't know how to cover for him. He's very private and doesn't want people to know. So how do I explain a year-long absence? -- SUPPORTIVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: An easy way of explaining it would be to say your husband decided to take a year-long "sabbatical," which requires him to be out of the area. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female in my mid-20s. My whole life I have been in a constant state of exhaustion. When I was in school, I'd try so hard not to fall asleep in class. (I actually enjoyed school and got good grades.) But when I got home, I'd have to take a nap before doing my homework or chores because otherwise I would fall asleep in the middle of it.

Fast-forward to now: I am a working adult. I'm going back to college, and I have been recently diagnosed with hypersomnia/borderline narcolepsy. I'm on stimulants to help me through the day, but they don't always work. Some days I struggle to find the motivation to do the simplest tasks because my body just wants to rest.

Do you know of any support groups for this condition so I can talk with others who deal with this, too? No one I know seems to understand, and I'm often regarded as lazy. Please help! -- SLEEPY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SLEEPY: There are misperceptions about narcolepsy, a chronic sleep disorder that affects 1 in 2,000 individuals in the United States. Fortunately, there is an organization you might find helpful. It's the Narcolepsy Network, which is based in your state. It provides support and education for persons with narcolepsy and other sleep disorders, their families and others. It also helps with coping skills, family and community problems. There are support groups in many states as well as online support. To learn more, go to narcolepsynetwork.org or call toll-free 888-292-6522.

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 and have been reading your advice my entire life. Now I need some for myself.

At the end of my mother's funeral, my sister was very upset that I had not set aside some flowers for her that had been sent by her friend. My sister did not plan or pay for any part of the funeral. After the service ended, I told the attendees to take what they wanted to relatives who had asked for them. My sister became so upset she even searched their vehicles to find the plants her friend had sent.

Mom received a lot of flowers that day. I allowed the grieving people to have them because I felt the flowers had been sent to her. How should I address this with my sister, who has told everyone who will listen that I failed to follow funeral plant protocol, which is why she acted out the way she did. -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: People who are grieving are often not their best selves, and you and your sister are no exception. While the disposition of the floral tributes can vary from family to family, no rule of etiquette dictates what "must" be done. Some suggestions include leaving the flowers on the grave, offering them to family members and close friends, and donating them after first removing anything that identifies them as having been used in a funeral. Because you didn't offer the arrangements to your sister, apologize to her for the oversight.