life

Woman Accused of Laziness Has Diagnosed Sleep Disorder

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a female in my mid-20s. My whole life I have been in a constant state of exhaustion. When I was in school, I'd try so hard not to fall asleep in class. (I actually enjoyed school and got good grades.) But when I got home, I'd have to take a nap before doing my homework or chores because otherwise I would fall asleep in the middle of it.

Fast-forward to now: I am a working adult. I'm going back to college, and I have been recently diagnosed with hypersomnia/borderline narcolepsy. I'm on stimulants to help me through the day, but they don't always work. Some days I struggle to find the motivation to do the simplest tasks because my body just wants to rest.

Do you know of any support groups for this condition so I can talk with others who deal with this, too? No one I know seems to understand, and I'm often regarded as lazy. Please help! -- SLEEPY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SLEEPY: There are misperceptions about narcolepsy, a chronic sleep disorder that affects 1 in 2,000 individuals in the United States. Fortunately, there is an organization you might find helpful. It's the Narcolepsy Network, which is based in your state. It provides support and education for persons with narcolepsy and other sleep disorders, their families and others. It also helps with coping skills, family and community problems. There are support groups in many states as well as online support. To learn more, go to narcolepsynetwork.org or call toll-free 888-292-6522.

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Funeral Flower Distribution Causes Added Grief

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 21st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 and have been reading your advice my entire life. Now I need some for myself.

At the end of my mother's funeral, my sister was very upset that I had not set aside some flowers for her that had been sent by her friend. My sister did not plan or pay for any part of the funeral. After the service ended, I told the attendees to take what they wanted to relatives who had asked for them. My sister became so upset she even searched their vehicles to find the plants her friend had sent.

Mom received a lot of flowers that day. I allowed the grieving people to have them because I felt the flowers had been sent to her. How should I address this with my sister, who has told everyone who will listen that I failed to follow funeral plant protocol, which is why she acted out the way she did. -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: People who are grieving are often not their best selves, and you and your sister are no exception. While the disposition of the floral tributes can vary from family to family, no rule of etiquette dictates what "must" be done. Some suggestions include leaving the flowers on the grave, offering them to family members and close friends, and donating them after first removing anything that identifies them as having been used in a funeral. Because you didn't offer the arrangements to your sister, apologize to her for the oversight.

DeathEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Angry Outbursts Spoil Group's Enjoyment of Spirited Debates

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I frequently socialize with friends who like to participate in debates. We share different opinions on topics such as politics, geopolitical events, etc. Sometimes we agree; sometimes we don't.

The problem is "Bob." When others don't see things the way he does, he throws a fit. Once, it got so bad that one of my friends got up and left. Another time, while I was expressing my political view to the group, Bob made faces, rolled his eyes and attacked me with ridicule. I got very annoyed.

Bob demands that we listen to what HE has to say, but refuses to listen to others. He's fine as long as you agree with him. But in this current climate, I'm expecting more eruptions. Abby, what do I do when the next fit erupts? -- CAUGHT IN THE STORM

DEAR CAUGHT: The next time a "fit" erupts, call Bob on it and point out that what he's doing is disrespectful. If he doesn't stop, do as your other friend did. Get up and leave. Perhaps when Bob finds himself surrounded by an ever-shrinking audience, he will stop his overbearing performance. And if he doesn't, at least you won't have to suffer.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Neighbor's Car Is Target of Shaming

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I go out in public, he doesn't introduce me to people. I have told him more than once how it makes me feel. He introduces his sister or our children if they are close by. Because of this, I shrink away or speak very little when he talks to others. I also avoid attending social situations with him.

I don't want to break our family up, but I feel like "nothing" around him. My husband seems happy with me at home. We don't go out to dinner, but we do have some good friends. I'm not a trophy wife, but I think I'm a good catch. What can I do? -- WIFE OF SUPERFICIAL HUSBAND

DEAR WIFE: What you can do when your husband "forgets" to introduce you is smile, speak up and say, "Hi, I'm 'Janie,' his wife." And when you are in private, remind him that his failure to introduce you is rude, and you find it insulting.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Man Leaves Wife Out of Introductions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3
Marriage & Divorce
life

Daughter-in-Law Is Barred From Family After Robbery

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 19th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Our son is married to a beautiful girl, "Debra." Several years ago, while we were away on vacation, she entered our home without our consent. (Our son has a key to our house.) She took several expensive, very personal and sentimental items, and we have no idea what she did with them because she denies doing it.

Abby, we have absolute proof it was her. Our son denied her involvement for a while until other suspicious things happened with some of their friends' possessions. We all agree now it was Debra. Her mother sided with her until Debra stole from her, too.

At the time of our robbery and our accusation of her guilt, Debra said she would never talk to us or enter our house again. In addition to what she did to us, in the past she has also done some unscrupulous and hurtful things involving our grandchildren and other children. Because of this, she is no longer invited to any family events, and our son agrees, although he still loves her, and they are still married.

We sincerely forgive Debra for what she did, but we decided that it does not mean we must include her in our lives again. Years have passed, and she's now trying to come back into the fold. Her presence would cause our grandchildren and their parents to stay away, which we definitely do not want. Debra and our son have no children.

She has never admitted her guilt or asked for forgiveness from us. Should we be open to allowing her back into our close-knit fold? -- VICTIMIZED IN FLORIDA

DEAR VICTIMIZED: Has your son offered an explanation for his wife's behavior? Could she have been on drugs or suffering from a mental or emotional problem at the time she acted out the way she did? Whether or not you should try to broker a peace in the family and "let her back into the fold" would depend upon what she did to the grandchildren and other children, whether it can be remediated with an apology and explanation to those she offended, and your family's capacity for forgiveness.

Family & ParentingMental Health
life

When Wife Feels Playful, Husband Demurs

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 19th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years. I'm not someone who initiates sex, but once in a blue moon I get the urge. Unfortunately, every time I do, my husband refuses and makes excuses. This year I tried twice, and after the last rejection, I exploded from anger.

I am so insulted! I never refuse him, even if I don't feel like it, because I want to please him. When I told him how he made me feel, he apologized. He said he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but I feel awful. Now I no longer feel any sexual urges at all, and I'm no longer attracted to my husband.

What must I do? I can't simply forget the feelings. -- INSULTED WIFE

DEAR INSULTED: Because your husband is usually the one who initiates sex, it's possible that this is the way he prefers it. That said, however, this issue could end your marriage if it isn't dealt with. You and your husband should ask your physician for a referral to a licensed psychotherapist who can help both of you get to the core of this issue. Do not let this fester. Do it now.

Marriage & DivorceSex & Gender

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