DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-70s, and I'm beginning to understand why some old people are annoying cranks. It has something to do with the nearly constant physical, emotional and spiritual pain. (And if you're not sleeping well as a result, that only makes things worse.)

My body is breaking down, and something hurts all the time. My wife died some years ago, other loved ones are gone as well, and my grief is an unending process. I know my remaining time here is limited, and I'm not sure I want to depart the only life I've known for an uncertain future.

I have started alienating friends and others by the things I say, and I didn't used to be this way. There's no excuse for this, of course, but what I'm saying is, there are reasons. And yet, some people age gracefully. My question is, how do they do it? -- ALAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ALAN: It is extremely important that you speak to your doctor about everything you are experiencing. Your unending grief might be lessened if you discuss it with a licensed mental health provider.

It's true that not everyone ages physically at the same rate. Some individuals start preparing in their 40s and 50s for the later stages of life by eating healthier and exercising. The saying "use it or lose it" has a lot of truth to it. Muscles that don't move tend to freeze up and cause pain.

Volunteering is a wonderful way to stay busy, active and focus on others, and volunteers are needed in every community. Please consider what I have written, and let me know how you are doing in six months. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I met and married my husband 20 years ago. Twelve years ago, we had a child. Since then, I have felt like a single parent.

I think things were always this way, but I didn't notice as much until we had a child. My husband has a good heart, and I know he loves us, but he rarely spends time with us. He works long hours in retail and chooses to spend his off hours with others and without us. He loves people and is quite a social butterfly.

He can go days without speaking to us, and is content most nights with kissing our daughter goodnight after she has already gone to sleep. He makes plans and decisions on his own -- without me -- including about money matters.

Am I overreacting when I complain? I'm contemplating a divorce because I need more than a part-timer for a mate. -- LONELY MARRIED MOM

DEAR MOM: Overreacting? Frankly, I am surprised that it has taken you this long to write to me. The person you married appears to be totally detached and more of a roommate than a husband. That he goes for days without speaking to you and your child is emotional cruelty.

Spouses are supposed to socialize together -- at least most of the time -- and make financial decisions together. The only positive you've mentioned is that he's the family's bread-winner.

That you are contemplating divorce isn't surprising. Your husband left you behind emotionally more than a decade ago. Consult an attorney and familiarize yourself with as much financial information as possible before making any announcements.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble with a friend, "Julie." We have been close friends for about five years. Julie is 29, still a virgin and lives at home. I never thought much about her living at home but, as the years go by, her living arrangements have become more front and center.

I'm in a meaningful relationship and recently bought my first home (on my own). Julie shows no interest in dating or moving out of her parents' home. She says living at home is a "cultural" thing, and most people within her culture move out when they get married. At the rate she is "dating," she will never move out.

Her constant complaints about her job, money and wanting a place of her own are getting annoying. She says moving out would be "tedious" because she would then have to budget her money and wouldn't be able to spend freely. She doesn't cook, clean or do anything to help out around the house. Her stay-at-home mother does everything.

I like Julie. She's a sweet, fun and attractive girl. I know she can live her life as she pleases (and for as long as her parents allow her to live there), but I'm getting tired of seeing her miss out on fun and challenging life chapters. I don't know how to respond when she makes pathetic excuses about why she doesn't travel more, move out, date, etc. I find myself wanting to avoid her lately.

How should I respond when she complains about things she has the power to change? I know I could tell it to her "like it is," but I also know it would end our friendship. Is there a better mindset I could have about someone like her? -- ANNOYED IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: You cannot change another person. When Julie complains about things she has the power to change, your response should be that she can change them if she puts her mind to it. Understand that you can't live Julie's life for her, so appreciate her for the good qualities in her that you admire.

As to your mindset, recognize that your life is changing. As yours progresses because of circumstances -- marriage, children, etc. -- you and Julie may have less in common and grow apart. That's life.

DEAR ABBY: For months I have been trying to convince my family (I am under 18) to allow me to go onto the pill. No matter how I explain it to them, they always find a way to refuse or put it off. Doctors and therapists have also talked to them, but they refuse to budge. I have started becoming sexually active, and the pill would decrease the stress of becoming pregnant. What should I do? -- STRESSED TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Because you didn't mention in your letter your age or whether you have a steady boyfriend, your parents may be worried that giving their permission will signal approval of your sexual activity. However, in most states teens are allowed to get birth control at their nearest Planned Parenthood Health Center or from their doctor without parental permission. Because you are concerned about being safe, go online, do some research and find out for yourself. But keep in mind that the pill will not protect you from getting an STD.

DEAR ABBY: I'm watching the slow-motion destruction of a childhood friend on Facebook. There is substance abuse, infidelity, divorce, the whole lot. It hurts.

He recently admitted that he has struggled with depression for years, but insists he isn't interested in seeing a doctor or a counselor. It sounds like he's been burned in the past. I know I can't do anything until he asks for help, but I intend to be there when he does. What resources are available for someone who is clinically depressed and self-medicating? -- TRYING TO HELP IN THE WEST

DEAR TRYING: Support groups for people who are depressed and/or have emotional issues exist. But to join one, the person must admit there is a problem and help is needed. Because your friend is resistant to the idea of professional help, you might suggest a group called Emotions Anonymous. It was started in 1971, and its mission is to help people who are experiencing emotional difficulties. It offers chat, Skype and phone meetings as well as in-person groups. If you would like more information, you can find it at emotionsanonymous.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this woman for a few years. We aren't in a committed relationship, but she wants me exclusively to herself. She's a very jealous type, and a comment she made took me over the edge.

She told me that my late wife's picture should only be displayed in my children's room, and that I'm still holding onto her, which is preventing me from moving forward with any woman. I will never remove any pictures of my children's mother out of respect not only for my departed loved one but for my children as well. What do you think of this? -- RESPECTFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR RESPECTFUL: If you keep a photo of your late wife next to your bed, I can see how it might bother someone you have been dating for a few years -- particularly if you haven't made a commitment to her. That said, if displaying a picture of your wife in a public room of your home is so threatening to this woman that she would make the kind of scene you describe, it may be time to replace her with someone who is less easily threatened.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married (for the most part) to my husband of 40 years. He is a good husband, provider and father. Only one thing about him really bothers me. When he is telling someone a story, he frequently "embellishes" it and changes it to something that's not actually the truth.

What he says doesn't really matter or hurt anyone, but it still bothers me. It makes me wonder if what he is telling me about something is the correct version or "his" version.

Like I said, it is never anything of importance, so I don't understand why he even does it. I have asked him about it, and he doesn't really explain. Do you have any idea what would make a person do this? -- WIFE IN WONDERLAND

DEAR WIFE: Some people "embellish" to impress or to make themselves look more important, or because they think it will make the story more entertaining or exciting. Not knowing your husband, I can't answer for him. It might help to reassure him that you love him just the way he is, and the truth is always better than fiction.