DEAR ABBY: I'm a 39-year-old gay male who was in a relationship with a very attractive 44-year-old teacher. He never wanted to commit to a monogamous relationship.

After 10 months of seeing each other, he informed me that he is about to enter into a relationship with a 22-year-old. He said it was nothing I did, but he is just attracted to younger guys when it comes to relationships. He also informed me that he will always be in my life and will never let me go. He said we could see each other secretly, but no more dates or public outings. I can see him only occasionally now, whenever the new boyfriend is working or out of town.

I'm afraid not to go over when he calls because I'm in love with him. I'm afraid if I don't abide by the terms of the relationship he has set, he will disappear out of my life. It hurts to see him in a new relationship, while I beg and wait for time with him. What do I do in this situation? -- RUNNER-UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RUNNER-UP: I know what you are experiencing is painful, but if you have an ounce of self-esteem left, cut your losses and stop being this man's "booty call." To say the dynamics of this relationship are unhealthy for you would be an understatement.

He thinks he will always be in your life because you will tolerate this awful status quo. The only thing he is prepared to give you is more of what you have been getting -- pain. Recognize that things don't always turn out as we would wish, get emotional support where you can find it -- from friends or a licensed therapist, if necessary -- and move on. Please.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adult in my mid-30s who has no contact with my biological father. My parents divorced shortly after I was born and shared custody of me. When I was staying with my father, he began molesting me. I told my mom because I knew something was not right. We went to court, he received very little jail time and was on probation for a short while after. After he went to court, I stopped all contact with him.

He has tried a few times in recent years to have a relationship with me. He even went as far as contacting me when I was about to turn 15, demanding that I spend time with him. We went to court again, and I was granted a permanent restraining order against him.

Now for my question: He is very ill. I still want nothing to do with him, for obvious reasons. I have an older brother who sees him and takes responsibility for his needs. Am I obligated to help with my father's needs, and should I have to pay for, plan and/or attend his funeral when the time comes? -- OUT OF THE PICTURE

DEAR OUT: No! You are not legally or morally obligated to pay for your molester's care, and you do not have to attend his funeral unless you are doing it to get closure.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years and have two children. One of them is a toddler.

I recently found out that my husband has been recording me with his phone at various times without my consent when we have heated arguments. He claims he does it to protect himself in the event that I try to have him arrested.

Abby, there is no abuse in our marriage, and I have never threatened to call the police on him. I'm hurt and paranoid now. I don't even want to be in my own home. He claims to have deleted the files, but I don't trust him. Any advice would be helpful. -- HURT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HURT: If I ever heard of a couple needing marriage counseling, it is you two. The recording won't show what started the argument or what came after it, both of which are important. Please ask your doctor or health care provider for a referral to a licensed marital and family therapist. Go alone if your husband won't go with you.

It appears your husband is playing mind games with you. And I'm also concerned about how this volatility is affecting your children. If something isn't done about it, it will destroy your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old man living in Texas. I am a college graduate and on my own now. My parents are very caring, but my father has an unhealthy obsession with me.

He messages me multiple times a day. It never stops. I'm currently looking for teaching jobs, and he tries to intervene by looking for them for me. He's like a wasp that will not go away, and it is making me very uncomfortable. Even though I am an adult, he tries to tell me what to do and how to do it. I am so confused; please help me. -- LETTING GO IN TEXAS

DEAR LETTING GO: Keep in mind that your father means well. He doesn't understand you are now an adult and don't need his interventions. Have a talk with both of your parents about this. Tell them your father's constant messaging is making you extremely uncomfortable. Ask him to please stop and warn them both that if he doesn't, you will be forced to block his communication and keep your distance from him.

DEAR ABBY: My best girlfriend for 40 years broke up with me because, after she told me she and her husband were having marital problems, I told her the last time we two couples were using their hot tub, her hubby was stroking my leg with his foot. I know I ruined everything, but I thought she should know. Did I do the right thing? I have written long letters of apology, but she has completely shut me out. -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN OHIO

DEAR TELLING: You did nothing wrong by telling your longtime friend. The fault that the friendship is over doesn't lie with you. She is probably embarrassed, or her husband lied and told her what he did was harmless.

DEAR ABBY: My husband (my second, and I am his third wife) and I just returned from a fantastic trip throughout Asia. While removing a piece of luggage from the conveyor belt at JFK Airport, my husband's wedding ring flew off his finger. He glanced at and around the belt for about 12 seconds, shrugged his shoulders, turned and headed for the exit. I, and many of our fellow travelers, continued to look for it.

I called out to him as he was walking away and said that we should probably notify someone and give them our information if it was found. His response was, "Not worth it" and a simple head shake, leaving most of us with dropped jaws.

We celebrated our third wedding anniversary on that trip. We have been together for 14 years, and during that time, he proposed in several very romantic and loving ways. We had a delightful relationship up to the point of his losing the ring, but I realize now I was the only one who took the symbolism of our wedding rings seriously.

I am hurt, disappointed and embarrassed by his actions. He says I'm overreacting and that he didn't want to wear one anyway. (I never asked or expected him to get one. He got it only because he had "cashed in" his former spouse's engagement and wedding ring set that she had left behind in a drawer.) What is your take on this matter? -- DEEPER MEANING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEEPER MEANING: I do find it unusual that your husband made such a feeble attempt to find the ring. However, my take on this is you should -- if you are smart -- thank your higher power for the wonderful relationship you have shared with this man the last 14 years (married for three) and not ruin what you have by blowing this out of proportion. What you have with him is more precious than any tangible item -- the lost wedding band in particular. If he prefers not to replace it, let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is the only member of our extended local family who drinks alcohol. I think she may be an alcoholic. At family events she becomes nasty when she drinks, but she thinks she's clever and amusing.

For the last 10 years I have kept my mouth shut and never mentioned it. Am I enabling? Should I say something to alert her to how she is coming across? Other family members feel the same as I do. -- NON-DRINKER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NON-DRINKER: This woman is married to your son. How does he feel about this? One of the warning signs of an alcohol problem is a personality change when the person has been drinking. Not only should you point out to your daughter-in-law that she has a problem, but the relatives who feel as you do should approach her with you. It is called an "intervention," and it should have happened years ago.

There are programs that can help your daughter-in-law -- AA is one of several -- but only if she recognizes she has a problem. Al-Anon is a resource for friends and family who are affected by a loved one's drinking. Find it at al-anon.org and attend some meetings. You will find them enlightening.

P.S. If you see her verbally abuse someone while she is drinking, don't stand quietly by. Say something.