DEAR ABBY: I was a bit shocked when I read about the family who disposed of 17 casseroles they were given while they were grieving the loss of a loved one ("Enough Is Too Much," July 5). When my dad died, family flooded into our small town. We got casseroles, too, but more appreciated was the huge plastic container filled with all sorts of sandwiches we could grab when hungry.

Someone else brought a 10-pound bag of coffee and creamers to go with it. Another brought restaurant gift cards, stamps and a box of thank-you notes. Years later, when our son died, many wonderful people gave money. Since he left two children, it was very much appreciated. -- THANKFUL IN WASHINGTON

DEAR THANKFUL: Readers like you were eager to share their opinions -- and experiences -- regarding the tradition of delivering food to a grieving family. The responses were diverse and enlightening. The media provides so much coverage about hatred and violence. I was touched by the outpouring of kindness. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If you collect more casseroles than you can handle, why not consider taking them to a homeless shelter? Take them to seniors who aren't able to cook. Take them to a convalescent home or to a library that gives free lunches to the needy. Take them to a food bank. It's awful to throw good food away! -- GAIL IN LOS OSOS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: There's no reason to turn away loving gifts of food. Talk to a few neighbors and store some of the casseroles at their houses, letting them know it's OK to enjoy them if you haven't picked them up in a day or two. Lots of people have extra refrigerators or freezers, so the food doesn't have to go to waste. -- DENISE IN BAYTOWN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: After my husband passed away, several people brought paper products (toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, facial tissue, paper plates and cups, trash sacks, etc.). I have done this for bereaved families as well. Because the family will have lots of people dropping in, a supply of these products will be used and do not need to be stored. A book of stamps in a sympathy card is also useful. -- SUE IN MERRIMAN, NEB.

DEAR ABBY: In my community, we have often organized a sign-up sheet for people to bring meals to a mourning family during a two-week period instead of bringing a casserole immediately. (We also do this in times of illness.) I think it's deeply appreciated and prevents the kind of waste described in "Enough's" letter. -- LAUREN IN PALO ALTO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: No one should be putting casseroles down the disposal when they should be put into the trash if not shared with others. My concern is that water utilities across the country are being overwhelmed and at the breaking point because of waste inappropriately disposed through a city's water system. -- GIVE UTILITIES A BREAK!

DEAR ABBY: We had a celebration of life for my husband in our home. Many people brought food, far more than our family could use. After folks left, we took the casseroles, boxes of chicken and desserts to our fire and police stations. The men and women there were thrilled. It was a good use of the food and a way to thank those who serve the community. -- KATHRYN IN PEACHTREE CITY, GA.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is in her late 60s, is obsessed with family history and preserving attachments to relatives. In addition to being the family genealogist, she collects objects that belonged to relatives or people who "might" have been relatives, those who share our last name or lived in the same small town as our ancestors.

Her house is stuffed to the gills with furniture, books, legal documents, photos and the like. Each object has a story that goes with it. Every time I visit, she spends literally hours talking about the various histories of her things and tries to get me to recite what I was supposed to have learned during my previous visits.

The thing is, I really don't care about any of it. Some of the antiques are nice, and photos of my grandparents are fun to look at, but the rest of it, I have no interest in.

As she's getting older, my mother is becoming increasingly agitated about what will happen to her collection when she dies. For a while she was trying to give me some of the things. When she found out I gave away a vase she had given me, she just about flipped. Now she is trying to get me to agree to preserve her whole house the way it is and pass it down to my future children intact. Of course, I can't promise that.

Should I pretend to agree with her plan so her anxiety level goes down? This disagreement has now overshadowed our relationship. I've tried to get her to see someone about her collecting habit and her anxiety, but she flat-out refused. -- NOT INTERESTED IN UTAH

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: You say your mother is the family genealogist, which implies there are more family members than just you. Young people today are far less interested in family heirlooms than in previous generations, and it wouldn't be surprising if your future children are no different. Suggest to your mother that she discuss with other relatives the option of giving them her collection to share with their children. But do not make any promises that you do not intend to keep.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old female college graduate who plans to further my education. I have never had a boyfriend or been kissed, although I've had casual crushes. I'm not interested in having a relationship in the near future, and I'm not certain I ever want to be in one. I have no idea how I would start one if I did.

Sometimes I wonder if I were more physically attractive if it would be easier. I feel lonely, but at the same time, I'm happy being alone. Sometimes I'm not even sure about my sexual orientation. Is it normal not to know what one wants at my age? -- DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT

DEAR DON'T KNOW: Many people older than you have trouble figuring out what they want. You appear to be what is called a late bloomer. Because you are not interested in having a relationship, you should concentrate on your education for now. After you are enrolled, pay a visit to the student health center and inquire about counseling services. If you do, it will not only provide you with some insight but also give you a chance to get to know yourself better.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old woman, married to the love of my life for seven years. Three years ago, my husband's cousin and her mother told him they didn't like me and didn't want me around. I only found out about it two years ago.

I feel humiliated, and it's uncomfortable for me to be around any of them now. I don't get invited most of the time, and that's OK with my husband! I want him to address and resolve it, but he hasn't and won't. In addition, we have had some major marital issues.

I want him to stand up for me, for us and for our marriage. I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel like I'm being punished because he won't take a stand. He and his family have swept the whole thing under the rug for so long that neither of us knows what to do next. Please kindly advise. -- CAST ASIDE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAST ASIDE: You say you and your husband have had major marital issues. Did the two of you receive counseling to resolve them, or were they, too, swept under the rug? I think some sessions with a licensed marriage and family counselor might be helpful.

I am not saying your husband should fight your battles for you, but ignoring this problem is not helping your marriage. He has to find the courage to tell these relatives that if they have a problem with you, they should address it with you. If he doesn't, you should approach them directly.

He should have told his aunt and his cousin the two of you are a team three years ago. If he doesn't have enough starch in his spine to do that, it will eventually destroy your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Marcus," and I recently adopted an adorable rescue puppy, "Daisy." She was supposed to be mostly my boyfriend's dog because I work a demanding full-time job, and I have a cat that lives with us. Marcus has always been a dog person, but I enjoy them, too.

The problem is, Daisy has taken a liking to me. When I'm home, she follows me everywhere. I suspect, due to her behavior, that she may have been mistreated by men previously, but nonetheless, Marcus is extremely hurt. He won't take her outside if I'm home, and he doesn't try to play with her or train her. Every time she rejects him in any way, he takes it personally.

We signed Daisy up for a puppy training class. He participated for about five minutes before giving up and handing me the leash during the first lesson. How do I get my boyfriend to stop taking our puppy's behavior so personally? I should note, we went through this when my cat didn't like him at first, but they are on good terms now. -- PET PROBLEM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROBLEM: It has been my experience that dogs respond more positively to the person who regularly feeds, exercises and plays with them and shows them affection, than to a partner who remains passive. The more Marcus withdraws from Daisy, the more pronounced her attachment to you will become. Urge him to discuss this with the dog trainer, so perhaps the situation can be put right.

Caveat: If this is the way your boyfriend reacts to perceived rejection, I'd think twice about starting a family with him if I were you.

CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60 years old. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is." -- Ellen DeGeneres