DEAR ABBY: My husband lost his job. He had worked there since we were married 10 years ago, and earned top wages because he had been with them for so long. Two years into our marriage, when we found out we were expecting our first child, we decided that I would be a stay-at-home mom. My husband has taken care of us financially ever since. I loved that I was able to rely on my husband for financial security.

Since he lost his job, I am angry, frustrated and hurt. His own actions caused his dismissal. I have told him how I feel, but he just yells at me. I feel he should at least listen to how I am feeling.

I'm scared for our future. We have two children under the age of 7, and we are paying child support for his oldest child, who lives with his ex. I want to support my husband, but I feel pushed away and disregarded. How can I show support when I am so scared and frustrated and blame him? -- ON SHAKY GROUND IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON SHAKY GROUND: I understand your feelings, but have you considered what turmoil your husband is feeling? Having been the breadwinner for so long, he is suddenly unable to provide for the woman and children he loves.

If you want to be supportive, stop demonstrating your anger, fear and frustration for a while. If you do, it may help him regain his balance sooner. And while you are at it, be prepared to make financial adjustments until he finds another job (including seeking a job for yourself). I'm not saying it will be easy, but please give it a try. He already knows he has disappointed you. Please don't make it harder for him than it already is.

DEAR ABBY: I am hoping you can give me guidance on how my wife and I can deal with my in-laws and the fact that they are sometimes socially obtuse. They are nice people, but sometimes they have no concept of appropriate behavior.

The latest was when we had a small party for my wife's birthday. They arrived and then asked to show home movies from when she was a kid. They proceeded to show more than an hour of video in which my wife was on screen for 15 seconds and knew the other people in the movie for only the first two minutes.

My in-laws do things like this regularly, and I want a nice way to say "stop." My wife agrees with me but doesn't know how to deal with this either. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Encourage your wife to speak up for herself. Rather than allow her parents to take over and diminish the occasion, the next time they suggest something you and your wife are not on board with, she should "suggest" that it happen another time. And in the case of the home movie, she should have said, "Enough, already!"

DEAR ABBY: A friend invited me to have lunch with her. I let her know it would be a little while before I arrived because I was in the middle of doing something. When I arrived, she had already finished her lunch! I thought it was incredibly rude, and I declined to eat. Am I correct? -- HUNGRY NO MORE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HUNGRY: When you told your friend it might be a little while before you arrived, did you indicate how long you would be? Fifteen minutes? A half-hour? An hour? Longer? Friends don't let friends starve, and you shouldn't have sulked because she couldn't wait. When someone is famished, even five minutes can seem interminable.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 35 years. During the last six years, my mom died, my dad moved in and then he passed away at 91. Dad traveled, including to see my three siblings, and had a girlfriend. Three years ago, my mother-in-law, who is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's, moved in. My husband is an only child and has no other family nearby. A couple of years ago, our sons, both of whom are in their 30s and had been in the Air Force, moved in. They have steady jobs and contribute to the household. One just bought a house.

My problem is with my husband. Because his mother can't be left alone, we rarely go anywhere anymore. And even when we are out, he's glued to his phone. They don't have a strong relationship and rarely speak to each other. When I try to talk to him about it, his answer is, "I promised I'd never put her in a nursing home," and, "Honor thy mother and father."

We have been to counseling. It didn't help. We are in our mid-60s and in good shape. I would like to travel before we won't be able to anymore. His mother is almost 90 and has no other health problems, so she could live five or six more years. I feel he should put her in assisted living so we can get on with our lives again. I'm tired of taking care of others, and I want to "retire," too. Am I selfish for feeling this way? How do others deal with this? -- HOW MUCH LONGER?

DEAR HOW: I have mixed feelings about your letter. Considering that your father moved in with you and your husband until his death, yes, I think your attitude is selfish. That said, Alzheimer's patients need constant supervision, and it is possible that in the right kind of assisted living situation, your mother-in-law could be doing better than she is. Social stimulation is important, and the activities that are provided could be good for her. The Alzheimer's Association is a trusted source of information, and you and your husband should be getting help from it. Find it online at alz.org. The toll-free phone number is 800-272-3900.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is marrying someone of a different faith. She doesn't want to invite my husband's first cousin and her spouse to her wedding. The spouse is openly racist, anti-Semitic and homophobic, and the cousin doesn't contradict him.

My daughter is inviting people of different faiths, ethnicities and sexual orientations. She does not want to share her wedding day with someone who is filled with hate for her other guests and for her fiance. Although we don't socialize with this cousin and her spouse, my husband believes "family is family" and they should be invited. What is your opinion? -- ON MY DAUGHTER'S SIDE

DEAR O.M.D.S.: I disagree with your husband. Because someone is a relative does not require the individual to be invited to every family function, particularly when your branch of the family doesn't socialize with them otherwise. However, if your husband still insists they receive an invitation, he should follow up the invitation with a phone call detailing what will be expected of guests regarding civility and decorum.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 36 years has never introduced me to a restaurant, bought concert tickets or planned a vacation. She seldom suggests movies she wants to see or introduces me to any form of music. She claps her hands like a little girl when I say we are going out for ice cream, a walk or to a festival.

I have encouraged her repeatedly over the years to be a more active participant in our relationship and to be my partner. Nothing changes. If not for my encouragement, she would have never gotten her degree, gone to concerts or on vacations or experienced life. I plan everything. To her credit, she's willing to go anywhere and do almost anything, but I'm increasingly resentful that my wife acts more like a daughter than a partner. I have been trying desperately for years to accept this, but I'm sick of it. -- TIRED OF IT IN OHIO

DEAR TIRED: Your wife appears to be a follower rather than a leader. You should have raised this issue a long time ago and included her when you were planning outings. Because the status quo is no longer working for you, you must tell her exactly what you have put in your letter. And while you are at it, show her HOW to do the research so she can suggest things to do, and things may improve. But do not blame her entirely because some of it may rest with you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are arguing about what college our son, "Wyatt," should go to next year. I think it should be our son's decision to choose the college with the degree program he wants. My husband disagrees. He wants our son to leave the nest, explore the world and become more independent. My husband says Wyatt is a "mama's boy" and too reliant on me.

Wyatt wants to go to our local university, which offers the degree program he wants. He said: "I can go to the local school. You and Dad won't have to pay room and board or out-of-state tuition, and I can keep my job and help pay for groceries or help with tuition."

For some reason, that statement means nothing to my husband. He wants Wyatt out of the house. Should I let my husband duke it out with our son because I have already stated my opinion more than once, or keep arguing that Wyatt should pick the college? This whole thing is stressing our son out because he wants to please his father, and I'm tired of my husband coming down on me for how I raised our son. -- CHALLENGED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CHALLENGED: I have to wonder if there is some other issue going on between your husband and your son that you didn't mention. Wyatt appears to be thinking logically. He's working and has offered to contribute to the household expenses. Many parents would be thrilled their son chose a school nearby. That your husband would label your son a "mama's boy" and toss him out of the house is not helpful; it is hostile. Criticizing you for the way Wyatt has been raised is a cheap shot.

Before making up your mind, talk to Wyatt's guidance counselor at school. If the person knows your son, it could prove helpful to hear his or her perspective.