DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged woman who has survived a 30-year toxic relationship with a covert narcissist. I am now blessed to be able to divorce him and get therapy for his emotional abuse. I have six amazing grown children. I'm also a sophomore in college and have a part-time job. This is the first time in my life I am able to actually do things by myself. To say the least, I am busy.

Most of the time, I enjoy it -- shopping, movies and even dining out. However, for some reason (especially while dining out), I get unwanted expressions of sympathy for being alone. Strangers comment about how sad it is to see me eating all alone. One woman offered to introduce me to her brother. She went so far as to ask for my phone number so she could pass it along to him, so that way I would have company.

I have friends and family, and if I had wanted company at that time, I would have invited someone. Sometimes I want to be alone to enjoy my "me" time. How can I respond to these unwanted comments and nip the conversations in the bud so they don't disrupt my entire meal? -- ALONE BUT NOT LONELY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALONE: Here's how. Smile and thank these kind people for their thoughtfulness. Say that at this point in your life you are enjoying freedom and comfortable solitude. And the next time you enter a restaurant, ask the host to seat you farther back, so you are not the first person these individuals encounter on the way to their table.

As to the sweet lady who tried to fix you up with her brother, I hope in the future you might be open to whatever possibilities come your way.

DEAR ABBY: I just started seasonal housecleaning, and I'm realizing my house is filled with useless knickknacks. When I get rid of an unneeded item, I remember who gave it to me and the special occasion associated with the gift. Then I start feeling guilty and wonder if I will later regret my decision to discard it.

My other issue is, I live in a small town. I'm afraid if I donate something to a local charity, friends or neighbors may see it at the thrift store, and I'll seem ungrateful for their thoughtfulness. How can I get over these feelings of guilt as I declutter? -- CRAMPED IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR CRAMPED: Once a gift (or tchotchke) is given, it is the recipient's to do with as she chooses. If someone challenges your decision to donate an item, do not become defensive. Calmly explain that you are downsizing and decided to "share the pleasure" the item brought you with someone else.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to a professional ballgame by my landlord, who has season tickets. He asked that I remind him to give me the ticket because he sells the ones he doesn't use. I have "reminded" him three times now, but I still haven't made it to a game.

When you invite someone somewhere, is it polite to make them do the work? He brought it up to me; I didn't ask. Am I wrong? -- ANNOYED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ANNOYED: Asking someone to remind you of something makes sense if the person is more organized than you are. However, it is inconsiderate to extend an invitation and not follow through. I don't blame you for feeling annoyed because, after three reminders and no follow-through, it appears your landlord may not have been sincere in inviting you, or has sold the tickets to someone else.

DEAR ABBY: I will soon be retiring from a lay position in my church. As a former member of the choir, I'm being urged to return to it, which appeals to me. My problem is a member who has caused trouble in the past for me with lies and criticism.

She is a very negative bully. In the past, she poisoned my ability to worship, and I want as little to do with her as possible. I'm afraid if I rejoin the choir, the situation will continue. I don't want to upset the other choir members who are good, supportive friends, but I no longer want to have to put up with her. She's very hard to ignore. Any suggestions? -- SINGING A NEW TUNE IN CANADA

DEAR SINGING: If you haven't already done so, discuss this with the priest/pastor of your church. Explain how the woman's bullying and rumor spreading have affected you and ask for guidance. If she's the one sour note in the choir, it is possible she has done the same thing to others.

DEAR ABBY: My son moved in with a 22-year-old woman in 2009. She gave birth to a baby boy in 2010. My son, who is older, took on the responsibility of raising the boy. In 2018, she walked out on them both and wasn't heard from again. Through public records we found out that she had committed suicide.

My grandson is now 9. My question is, is he old enough to be told about his mother, or should my son wait until he's older, like in his teens? I'm just wondering what's the right thing to do. -- RIGHT TIME IN FLORIDA

DEAR RIGHT TIME: When your grandson asks about his mother, he should be told that she is no longer living. As he begins asking for more information, his questions should be answered in an age-appropriate way. He does not need to hear that she committed suicide until he is old enough to understand what she was suffering from and how sad you and your son are that her life ended the way it did.

DEAR ABBY: Despite gastric bypass years ago, my wife is still very heavy. I'm no longer attracted to her, yet she is my best friend. I have thought about leaving her. Our kids are grown, so I wouldn't have to pay child support. In a few years, I will be too old to pay alimony. However, even then, because where we live is so expensive, I would likely have to move out of state. I don't want to move out of state or lose my best friend. -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: Before making any decisions based on the assumption that you won't have to see that your wife is provided for financially, discuss this with an attorney. Because you don't want to move away or lose your best friend, you may have to accept that, despite her weight-loss surgery, your wife has serious issues with food and, because she is your best friend, love her in spite of it. Help her as much as you can with healthy eating and an exercise routine you can do together.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a woman who is 21 years younger than I am. She says she loves me, but I am hesitant because of our age difference.

We have known each other for years. She had a crush on me when she was 16, but I was married at the time, and she was too young. We made love a couple of times when she was in her 20s because I was divorced and she was single.

Now it's 10 years later. I'm in my late 50s; she's in her 30s. We are both single, and she wants to take care of me for the rest of my life.

She brings me lunch every once in a while, which I am amazed at because it's a long drive from where she lives. I worry about what other people will think, but she doesn't care and says she wants to love me and care for me because she knows what I am about. I grew up with her uncles and aunts and am good friends with them.

She's tired of dating people her age because she says they are immature. She has three kids and has never been married. I love her and want to take care of her, too, for the rest of her life. Should I listen to my heart? -- AGE IS A NUMBER, IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR AGE: You have known this woman for many years. It is not as though she's a stranger with three children who has approached you. Are the fathers of the children contributing to their support? If they are minors, what will be your role in their lives? These are important considerations. But how other people feel about your union should not affect your decision.

DEAR ABBY: I was date raped seven years ago, and the man who assaulted me gave me genital herpes. I'm not someone who has ever slept around. After the rape, I told no one. I didn't go to the police. I didn't go to the doctor to get checked right away because I was scared the doctor would report the rape to the police and my family would find out. I felt ashamed and dirty. Two months later, I finally found the courage to see a doctor. I realized I had genital herpes because I got a sore and went to get tested.

I'm now friends with a guy and feel like every time I meet someone I have to tell him I have herpes because I'm not the kind of person who lies or keeps secrets. My friend seems really interested in me, and I know I need to tell him.

I feel like my life is over, and I'll never be able to have kids or marry because of this disease. It's like the man who raped me has killed my social life and my desire to live. Please help me, Abby. I have no idea what to do. Should I just stay alone or try to get my life back? -- STRESSED AND ANXIOUS IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR STRESSED: For heaven's sake, take your life back! It is far from over. Go online and research the prevalence of STDs among teens and young adults in the U.S. and Puerto Rico. The statistics will be an eye-opener for you and may reassure you that you are not alone in having herpes. This information should be shared with your sexual partners before becoming intimate. Medications can lessen the chance of transmission. Your doctor or a clinic worker can advise you.