DEAR ABBY: My father is in his 70s and lives close by. My brother and his family live across the country. Dad has smoked for more than 60 years, and an incident with his high blood pressure recently landed him in the hospital. He's supposed to be on medication, but he refuses to take it.

He claims his hobby of playing the trumpet keeps his lungs healthy and recent changes in his diet have solved the blood pressure issues. Neither of these things seem likely to me, and he has not been back to the doctor. Dad hides his condition from everyone. I know only because I was the one who was called when he went to the hospital.

My brother recently told me Dad is planning to take my teenage nephews camping at a fairly remote location. When I encouraged Dad to tell my brother about his heart condition so he could make an informed decision about the safety of the trip, or at least prepare my nephews in case something happened, Dad went through the roof! He insists he's not sick and I have no business sharing his medical information. More likely he doesn't want to admit he's getting older or may have to cancel the trip.

I have to tell my brother if Dad won't, but if I do, I'm sure I'll never get more information, and Dad will quit talking to me altogether. Is there any way around this that I'm not seeing? -- LEVELHEADED DAUGHTER IN DETROIT

DEAR DAUGHTER: The safety of your brother's children is paramount. Your father does not have the right to place them at risk, which he will because of his carelessness about his health situation. Your father may not like it, but it is imperative that you warn your brother so he can make an informed decision about whether to allow an unsupervised camping trip with Grandpa. (The solution may be that another adult will be included to keep an eye on things.)

DEAR ABBY: After I had emergency surgery, I was moved to another location in my work department. I met a wonderful young man and, as we communicated, we found we had a lot in common. I never imagined I'd ever find a soul mate, but we fell in love.

He is married; I am not. He is loving and considerate as much as he can be. I love him so much, but I feel terrible about our situation. I feel it is unfair -- especially to me. I need more than he can give to me in terms of a relationship.

I know I have messed up. Again. I'd like to remain friends, but that's all. How do I tell him? I don't want to have drama on the job. I have been applying for other jobs away from this place. I thought that it would solve the problem. -- UNFAIR SITUATION

DEAR UNFAIR: Remaining "just friends" may not be realistic. Tell this wonderful young man the affair is over because it wasn't fair to you or his wife. Once you have secured another job, give your employer two weeks notice and get out of there.

DEAR ABBY: I'm going to a professional conference, which has the usual presentations, vendors and activities. Every time I go, there's always a photographer. It's annoying. When a photographer sneaks up to take photos, it distracts the presenter. Then the camera is usually swung around to shoot the audience.

I have been photographed many times while I was browsing through the vendors. I have never given my permission to have any of them published. The photos appear on state or national organization websites for viewing by association members (not the general public). What are my rights? Am I the only one who is camera shy? -- TEACHER ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR TEACHER: You are not the only person who dislikes having their picture taken -- particularly without permission. Many others also do. However, if the photographer has been hired by the association sponsoring the event, I don't think you have any choice about being photographed. You might be out of camera range if you sit toward the back of the audience. Or, do what some celebrities do -- wear dark glasses.

DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, I went out on three dates with "Kevin." Then he sent me a text saying he didn't feel I could offer him the relationship he is looking for, but he wants to remain friends because he has fun with me. I agreed, and we've gotten together many times since and communicate often.

I am not physically attracted to him, but I sense he is attracted to me, and it makes me uncomfortable. Since we agreed to be friends, he has invited me over for "movie and cuddle night," put his arm around me, asked to kiss me and booked a hotel room with only one bed and no sofa. It's like I am his placeholder until he finds a real girlfriend, and he wants to spend time with me only out of boredom and loneliness. I don't know how to break things off nicely. -- NOT INTERESTED IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: I think you have Kevin pegged correctly. Here's how to distance yourself "nicely." Tell him you like him very much. But as a platonic friend only. Explain that kissing, cuddling and sharing a bed are things you do with a boyfriend, and it's time for both of you to move on. Then do it.

DEAR ABBY: I added my 37-year-old son to my insurance policy because it would cost him almost double if he went on his own. The problem is, I struggle every month getting him to send me the money so I can pay the premium. He promises to send it but never does. What should I do? -- CAN'T AFFORD IT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CAN'T: Give your irresponsible son a date by which you expect to have the money each month for his share of the premium. Tell him that if the money is not there when it's time for you to send the payment that you will drop him from your insurance. Make sure he understands that this is not an idle threat, and if he doesn't follow through, take him off the policy.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son plays on a local travel sports team. Many of his teammates could be considered lower class or lower middle class. We live in a luxurious home. We don't flaunt it, and we're not snobbish. All of the kids and the parents get along, and socioeconomic status plays no role in our interactions.

My son invited a few of his teammates over for a few hours, and from the expressions on their faces, it was clear they had never seen a home like ours. They behaved like perfect gentlemen and were a pleasure to have over.

My mother suggested that it would be better not to invite the boys over again because it isn't fair to them. Her concern is that it might make them feel bad because they have so much less than we do. While I understand her point of view, I also think it can be beneficial for them to see what the possibilities are in the world if you work hard and are successful. Perhaps it will inspire them to do better in school, go to college, etc.

Of course, the primary purpose for their coming over was just for friends to spend time together and have fun. What do you think of these potential unintended consequences? -- SPORTS DAD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DAD: I disagree with your mother. If your son and his teammates enjoy being together in addition to the time they spend doing their sports, they should be allowed that pleasure. Your home might be the most logical place to host these gatherings simply because it is large enough to accommodate all of the boys. Because they come from a lower income level doesn't mean they can't forge meaningful -- and lasting -- friendships with your son.

Many successful individuals weren't born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths. And many successful individuals did not attend college. They went to trade and tech schools and provide themselves and their families with very comfortable lifestyles.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter married a man last spring. One week after their honeymoon, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastasized colon cancer. After eight months of doctors, hospitals and chemo, he passed away.

They never had an opportunity to write thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. My daughter feels it is not appropriate now. I feel she should do it, saying something like, "Before my husband passed away, we enjoyed this gift very much." She said to ask you. What is your opinion? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: It is always appropriate to thank people for their kindness. Since you asked my opinion, I agree that your daughter should write short notes to the people who gave her wedding gifts and tell them she would have written sooner, but she is still grieving the loss of her husband. Then she should thank them for their generosity. The rules of etiquette do not require her to say more than that. When you discuss with her what I have written -- as I am sure you will -- please convey to her my deepest sympathy.