life

Teen Braces for Blowback Over Becoming a Vegetarian

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl who wants to become a vegetarian. I don't exactly know why. I only know I want to stop eating meat and choose a healthier alternative lifestyle. I also want to lose weight, which may happen after becoming vegetarian.

There's been a lot going on in my life lately, so I've been stress-eating. I don't hate my body, but I sure don't love it. Every picture I take, I suck in my gut because I'm insecure.

The problem is, I'm not sure how to present this to my family. I'm sure I'll get the annoying, "How could you give up steak/bacon/chicken?" from my dad and sister. Mom will probably be supportive, as she has always encouraged us to eat healthier in general, and she'll most likely help me come up with somewhat of a meal plan.

I realized I wanted to stop eating meat when I was eating bacon and suddenly felt like I wanted to throw up because I was eating something that used to be alive. Basically, I was weirded out.

How do I explain this to my family? Additionally, how can I then get my extended family to understand that I won't be able to eat meat at events such as parties and gatherings? -- FUTURE VEGETARIAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR VEGETARIAN: There is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian, but it is not a guaranteed way to lose weight. Whether or not you realize it, half your letter discusses your lack of confidence about your body. You should definitely discuss it with someone. A counselor at school could be helpful.

Before changing your diet, discuss it with your doctor or a registered dietitian so you can manage it in a healthy way. Also, go online and start researching vegetarianism.

As to your extended family, people can have full social lives without consuming meat or causing inconvenience or discomfort to others. One simple solution would be to ask what will be served and bring something with you to eat if necessary.

TeensFamily & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Man Maintains Connection to Boy After Relationship With Mother Ends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was in an on-again, off-again relationship with a woman for well over a year. She was a single mother, and we took our time introducing me to her son until we were sure we were serious. The boy became very attached to me, and when it ended, he continued to ask about seeing me.

He's 4 now, but he remembers all the things we did. His mother occasionally will let me see him for a day and then disappears for months before repeating. At first I was advised to walk away, but he never forgets. When he sees me, he gets extremely excited, and I consider myself more of an uncle/big brother than anything.

I understand the situation is awkward and probably makes some in her family and mine (my family knows how much I care about him) squirm. But is it wrong that I answer when the opportunity comes, or should I let it go? -- FATHER FIGURE IN FLORIDA

DEAR FATHER FIGURE: Listen to your heart. Seeing the boy occasionally as you have been won't hurt him. It will reinforce that he is important to someone besides his mother. Because you care about him, continue to see him on the basis that your ex-girlfriend has established.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Hospital Worker Is Stunned by Stepfather's Appearance

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 2nd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I saw something shocking, and I need help. While working at my job at a hospital, I saw the man my mother is married to. He was there for an appointment. He did not see me, and I didn't have the courage to approach him because he was dressed as a woman. There is no mistaking it was him.

I don't know how to even begin to handle this. He has always been wonderful, especially to my mom. I am afraid if I don't tell her, she will find out and be destroyed, and if I do tell her, the same thing will happen. What do I do? -- HURT AND CONFUSED

DEAR HURT: Talk to your mother's husband -- who may be a cross-dresser or have gender identity issues -- about the fact that you saw him and give him a chance to explain. Do not be surprised if he tells you your mother is aware that he dresses this way some of the time.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Husband's Promise to Late Wife Is Unsettling for Second Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 2nd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband was previously married for five years and had been widowed shortly before we met. He and his late wife had matching tattoo wedding bands. They had agreed they'd both be cremated upon their demise and that eventually they would be "reunited" by combining their ashes after his death.

My question is, what can we do to honor our marriage vows without removing the tattoo that will be respectful yet completely our own symbol of our vows? Secondly, I'm uncomfortable with the combining of their ashes. I'm 48 years old, and he is 44, so we have the potential for many more years of marriage than they had, but I do not want to completely dismiss her memory. What should I do about this? -- SECOND WIFE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WIFE: You could honor your wedding vows by wearing matching wedding rings. As for the "ashes" promise, talk to your husband about what his wishes currently are should he predecease you. He may have changed his mind about combining his ashes with hers -- or not. If the two of you are together longer than he was with his first wife, his feelings on the subject may change.

Marriage & DivorceDeath
life

Mom Has Something to Say to Stay-at-Home Daughter-in-Law

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 2nd, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son got married a little over a year ago. They have a new baby. They are heavily in debt. He works full time plus a job on Saturday. She could work as a substitute teacher but prefers to stay at home with the baby.

I'm concerned about my son working so much. She brought indebtedness into this marriage. She agreed to work and now she doesn't. It doesn't seem fair to our boy. He's very kind and has a sensitive heart. Should I say something? -- CONCERNED MOM

DEAR CONCERNED: It may not seem fair, but do not insert yourself into this situation. Your "boy" is now an adult, and it's important that you let him speak up for himself. If you interfere -- even though you are trying to help -- you will come across as overbearing, which may cost you a relationship with your daughter-in-law and your grandchild.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Dad's Long Disappearances Give Family Cause for Alarm

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 1st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My father's behavior has been very peculiar lately. He and Mom have been married for 45 years. Of course, all marriages go through ups and downs. They have had their share of health problems. Both are doing OK but are dealing with some medical issues.

Because of my father's actions, I'm afraid for my mother's emotional state. He stays gone for long periods of time throughout the day and sometimes stays out until the early morning of the next day. She always stays up until he gets home. When she calls or texts him, at times he doesn't respond. I've also called or texted him while he was out. When I tried talking to him, he said he doesn't have to explain himself. He's not the best at staying on track when it comes to taking care of himself. It's like he is living another life.

I'm not sure what's going on between my parents. I just know I don't like to see Mom treated this way because it's disrespectful, and I can see she's hurting. My relationship with my father is suffering because of this. I asked him to come to family counseling with me, my siblings and mother. He refuses. I'm praying about this. I just don't know what else we can do. Please help. -- PERPLEXED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: You cannot force your father into family counseling, but you and your siblings can continue to give your mother emotional support during this difficult time, and that's what I urge you to do. I don't know what your father is up to and neither do you. But if it becomes necessary, a private detective can fill you in, I'm sure.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Wife Can't Watch While Klutzy Husband Destroys House

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 1st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am in a loving and rewarding marriage. Because we have no children, my husband and I are best friends who devote most of our time to each other. My issue is with some of his habits.

He is kind of clumsy, and this has resulted in the destruction of many things in our home -- our carpet (spills that can't be cleaned), coffee table (discolored from spilling a caustic material) and sofa (spilled wax and cigar burns). I know he doesn't do this intentionally, but nonetheless, it makes me irate. And it is constant. He apologizes for it, yet it occurs repeatedly.

Is there anything I can do to change this, or must I accept the incremental destruction of my home? And if that's the case, what can I tell myself to make me less angry about it? -- MRS. DESTRUCTO IN BALTIMORE

DEAR MRS. DESTRUCTO: A certain amount of wear and tear is normal. But your husband may be one of those people -- many people are -- who "lives" on the sofa. Much of your problem might be eliminated if you made sure that snacks are consumed in the kitchen and no beverages more colorful than water are enjoyed in front of the television. If that's not feasible, consider durable, stain-resistant fabrics when you re-cover your sofa.

Marriage & Divorce

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