life

Old Boyfriend Who Stole Item Years Ago Turns Up on Facebook

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 23rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently located a person I knew a long time ago who stole an expensive gold bracelet from me. I'd dated this guy for a while. He wore my bracelet, and I wore his. My bracelet was a gift from a relative I cared for deeply. His bracelet was a piece of junk, but I was a teenager with no brains and allowed him to wear mine. Well, we split up and he just disappeared. I tried getting my bracelet back but couldn't find him. As I mentioned, I found him on Facebook, married with children, and I felt this anger come over me. Should I contact him and ask what happened to my jewelry? -- GOLDEN GIRL IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR GOLDEN GIRL: No, you should contact him and tell him you would like the item returned or be compensated for it. What "happened" to the bracelet was that he stole it. Because many years have passed since you two dated, the odds that he still has the bracelet are slim. But it's worth a try.

Love & Dating
life

High School Name-Calling Gets Girl Down

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 23rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and have a hard time making friends. I have more guy friends than girl friends, which causes me problems. I got called a slut again the other day because of it. I'm a virgin and only have a crush on one of the guys I hang out with (my boyfriend). I have tried finding more female friends, but the drama is really hard to put up with. I have tried ignoring the comments, but after a while it gets hard to ignore. I'm not sure what else to do. Please help me out. I would be really grateful. -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: I wish I could make the name-calling go away, but I can't. The perpetrator is most likely jealous because of the relationship you have with your boyfriend and other guy friends. Not everyone makes friends easily. It's nothing to be ashamed of; it's just a fact of life. That's why you should treasure the ones you do have -- because old friends are some of the best friends, and high school and its cliques won't last forever.

Work & SchoolTeensFriends & Neighbors
life

When Mom Moved In, Her Freeloading Boyfriend Came Too

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 23rd, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago my family had a run of bad luck, which landed us in a homeless shelter. I got an apartment fairly quickly, and it's mine and my daughter's.

My mother was supposed to move in rent-free, but she brought her boyfriend, who I didn't want here. He's still here and barely contributes to the expenses. I recently lost my job and he promised to help out more financially, but he hasn't. He continues to mooch. This has caused so much stress between my mother and me. "Hate" is a strong word, but I hate him and want him out. He knows it, but makes no effort to leave. What can I do? -- WANTING MY OWN SPACE

DEAR WANTING: You are not helpless, and you shouldn't be held hostage because of your mother's feelings for her deadbeat boyfriend. Contact your state bar association to see what your legal rights are. Then tell your mother you want him out, give her a deadline to see that it happens, and suggest that she go with him if she can't bear to be separated from him. If he doesn't meet the deadline, put his belongings in a box, place them outside and change your locks.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Free Spirit Feels Like Wings Are Clipped With Current Beau

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 22nd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. He would literally do anything for me. He's incredibly affectionate and supportive, and a lot of women would love to have someone like him.

My problem is we see the world through completely different eyes. I'm an artist. I want to go out and explore the world and do crazy things. He's more comfortable at home with video games and he's not comfortable mingling with crowds. He can be overprotective sometimes, and when I bring up my concerns about possibly breaking up, he doesn't take me seriously and says, "You do this every time you're upset."

We live together and are dependent both financially and emotionally. Honestly, I would like to stay with him, but I'm torn about what to do. Should I leave someone I should be grateful for in order to chase selfish dreams? Or should I stay and encourage him to change? -- CHASING MY DREAMS

DEAR CHASING YOUR DREAMS: Your boyfriend isn't going to change. If you can't accept him the way he is, then it would be better for both of you to separate.

Love & Dating
life

'Helpful' Hints From Guests Get Under Host's Skin

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 22nd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I like to host parties for my kids, family events and game nights with friends. I love when my home is filled with loving family and friends. But when we open our home, there always seems to be someone who feels it necessary to point out something wrong with our home or something that should be fixed. It drives me nuts! I find it hard to respond without sounding snotty. When I'm invited to someone's home, I would never walk around and nitpick and point out problem areas. I would love it if you could give me examples of what I can say to deflect those not-so-helpful comments. -- HOST IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HOST: Allow me to offer you a menu. Feel free to pick and choose as you please:

1. "Oh, my! I hadn't noticed."

2. "Thank you for pointing that out. I'll have it fixed before you come back over." (And don't invite the person again.)

3. "The next time you visit, be sure to bring along your wrench."

Friends & NeighborsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Husband Feels Hurt When Wife Exchanges Anniversary Gift

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 22nd, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For our anniversary, I bought my wife a $1,500 necklace and told her that if she wanted, it could be exchanged at the store within a month.

The following week she went out with some friends and came back with a different piece of jewelry from the store that cost an additional $800. Besides the financial aspect, I'm feeling hurt that what I gave was not adequate enough for her. Am I being too sensitive here? -- HURT FEELINGS IN BOCA RATON

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: You are a generous and loving husband. You should not, however, feel hurt that your wife exchanged the necklace. You told her she could, and she took you up on it. Perhaps next time you should consider asking her what she would like, so you can choose the gift "together."

Holidays & CelebrationsMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Girlfriend Loves Man and His Dogs But Draws Line at More

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 21st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. He is the kindest, most considerate and thoughtful man I've ever dated.

We do not officially live together but spend the majority of the week together, mostly at his house. He has three very large dogs we share the responsibility of caring for. They are not fixed, and he wants to have a litter of puppies (one of which he would keep). I strongly object for numerous reasons.

He has people willing to give them good homes, but the female (whom I am very attached to) had severe postpartum for more than a year after her last litter. His house is currently in the midst of an endless renovation, the dogs are always on the furniture, and it's a constant struggle to keep the place relatively clean from one day to the next, especially since I must also take care of my own house.

I'm a dog person, but three large dogs are already too much. I love the man, he is my best friend, and I love his dogs. But I'm getting to the point where if he decides to have another litter and take on the responsibility of another dog, it may be the breaking point for me. Would it be foolish of me to throw away a good relationship over this? -- GOING TO THE DOGS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GOING: I don't think so. If he is truly kind, considerate and thoughtful, he will take into consideration that you are handling as much responsibility as you can shoulder and not insist on yet another litter. Because the last pregnancy was so hard on the female, it would be interesting to know what a veterinarian has to say about this. I'm wondering if your boyfriend may want to put her though this for money rather than love.

Love & Dating
life

Wife Spending Time With Mom Puts Husband on the Defensive

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 21st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a little over a year ago. Since then, I have started spending more time with my mother, and my husband does not like it. She is a huge help with our kids. On the day she gets them off the school bus, she will stay for dinner. Our kids love it when she's here.

My husband now wants this to stop. He says it annoys him. He gets angry when I talk to her on the phone, when I go to her house, when I help her with things -- everything!

I am torn. I love my mother and don't want my relationship with her to change. But every time I do anything with her, even have a quick conversation, my husband throws it in my face that I "put her before him." Please help me. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: How often is your mother at your house, and how long does she stay after those dinners? How often did you interact with her before your father died? Have you been ignoring your husband in favor of interacting with your mom?

That he feels so encroached upon or threatened that he's determined to alienate you from your widowed mother and is dictating how often you can visit or talk with her on the phone tells me he may be an extremely jealous and controlling person. This is such a red flag you should discuss it with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he won't agree to go with you, I urge you to go without him. You should also encourage your mom to branch out into other activities, so she can reduce the amount of time she's with you.

DeathFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce

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