life

Free Spirit Feels Like Wings Are Clipped With Current Beau

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 22nd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. He would literally do anything for me. He's incredibly affectionate and supportive, and a lot of women would love to have someone like him.

My problem is we see the world through completely different eyes. I'm an artist. I want to go out and explore the world and do crazy things. He's more comfortable at home with video games and he's not comfortable mingling with crowds. He can be overprotective sometimes, and when I bring up my concerns about possibly breaking up, he doesn't take me seriously and says, "You do this every time you're upset."

We live together and are dependent both financially and emotionally. Honestly, I would like to stay with him, but I'm torn about what to do. Should I leave someone I should be grateful for in order to chase selfish dreams? Or should I stay and encourage him to change? -- CHASING MY DREAMS

DEAR CHASING YOUR DREAMS: Your boyfriend isn't going to change. If you can't accept him the way he is, then it would be better for both of you to separate.

Love & Dating
life

'Helpful' Hints From Guests Get Under Host's Skin

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 22nd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I like to host parties for my kids, family events and game nights with friends. I love when my home is filled with loving family and friends. But when we open our home, there always seems to be someone who feels it necessary to point out something wrong with our home or something that should be fixed. It drives me nuts! I find it hard to respond without sounding snotty. When I'm invited to someone's home, I would never walk around and nitpick and point out problem areas. I would love it if you could give me examples of what I can say to deflect those not-so-helpful comments. -- HOST IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HOST: Allow me to offer you a menu. Feel free to pick and choose as you please:

1. "Oh, my! I hadn't noticed."

2. "Thank you for pointing that out. I'll have it fixed before you come back over." (And don't invite the person again.)

3. "The next time you visit, be sure to bring along your wrench."

Friends & NeighborsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Husband Feels Hurt When Wife Exchanges Anniversary Gift

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 22nd, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For our anniversary, I bought my wife a $1,500 necklace and told her that if she wanted, it could be exchanged at the store within a month.

The following week she went out with some friends and came back with a different piece of jewelry from the store that cost an additional $800. Besides the financial aspect, I'm feeling hurt that what I gave was not adequate enough for her. Am I being too sensitive here? -- HURT FEELINGS IN BOCA RATON

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: You are a generous and loving husband. You should not, however, feel hurt that your wife exchanged the necklace. You told her she could, and she took you up on it. Perhaps next time you should consider asking her what she would like, so you can choose the gift "together."

Holidays & CelebrationsMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Girlfriend Loves Man and His Dogs But Draws Line at More

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 21st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. He is the kindest, most considerate and thoughtful man I've ever dated.

We do not officially live together but spend the majority of the week together, mostly at his house. He has three very large dogs we share the responsibility of caring for. They are not fixed, and he wants to have a litter of puppies (one of which he would keep). I strongly object for numerous reasons.

He has people willing to give them good homes, but the female (whom I am very attached to) had severe postpartum for more than a year after her last litter. His house is currently in the midst of an endless renovation, the dogs are always on the furniture, and it's a constant struggle to keep the place relatively clean from one day to the next, especially since I must also take care of my own house.

I'm a dog person, but three large dogs are already too much. I love the man, he is my best friend, and I love his dogs. But I'm getting to the point where if he decides to have another litter and take on the responsibility of another dog, it may be the breaking point for me. Would it be foolish of me to throw away a good relationship over this? -- GOING TO THE DOGS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GOING: I don't think so. If he is truly kind, considerate and thoughtful, he will take into consideration that you are handling as much responsibility as you can shoulder and not insist on yet another litter. Because the last pregnancy was so hard on the female, it would be interesting to know what a veterinarian has to say about this. I'm wondering if your boyfriend may want to put her though this for money rather than love.

Love & Dating
life

Wife Spending Time With Mom Puts Husband on the Defensive

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 21st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a little over a year ago. Since then, I have started spending more time with my mother, and my husband does not like it. She is a huge help with our kids. On the day she gets them off the school bus, she will stay for dinner. Our kids love it when she's here.

My husband now wants this to stop. He says it annoys him. He gets angry when I talk to her on the phone, when I go to her house, when I help her with things -- everything!

I am torn. I love my mother and don't want my relationship with her to change. But every time I do anything with her, even have a quick conversation, my husband throws it in my face that I "put her before him." Please help me. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: How often is your mother at your house, and how long does she stay after those dinners? How often did you interact with her before your father died? Have you been ignoring your husband in favor of interacting with your mom?

That he feels so encroached upon or threatened that he's determined to alienate you from your widowed mother and is dictating how often you can visit or talk with her on the phone tells me he may be an extremely jealous and controlling person. This is such a red flag you should discuss it with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he won't agree to go with you, I urge you to go without him. You should also encourage your mom to branch out into other activities, so she can reduce the amount of time she's with you.

DeathFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Man Becomes More Distant After Moving In With Girlfriend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 20th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: After being together for a year, my boyfriend and I recently moved in together. Since then he hasn't been home much. We don't spend time together the way we used to when we first started dating. He has changed a lot.

I have kids from a previous relationship. My boyfriend recently told me he always wanted to be the first guy to give a girl her first child. I just want to know if I should let him go or try to fight for him because I'm in love with him. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN CHICAGO

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Your boyfriend knew you had children when he began dating you. I think it is time the two of you have another conversation about what he told you, because he may have been rehearsing his exit speech. Life rarely turns out the way we fantasize that it will. If he is considering ending your relationship in order to "give a girl her first child," the sooner you know about it, the better -- for you.

Family & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Mom's Younger Man Gets More Than He Gives

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 20th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother and father have been divorced for eight years. Since then, she has found a younger guy who is about eight years older than I am. I'm 23.

The age difference always bothered me, but what bothers me even more is she's always doing for him and he gives her nothing in return. Since day one I have been convinced he's using her for shelter and food. However, she can't seem to recognize it. I don't know what to do, Abby. I'm just tired of my mom being used by men. -- DAUGHTER IN DELAWARE

DEAR DAUGHTER: I appreciate your concerns about your mother, but until she's ready to admit to herself that what's happening is part of an ongoing pattern, nothing will change. She is doing this for a reason -- or more than one. Her self-esteem may be so low she doesn't believe she deserves better, she may be so desperate to have a man in her life that she's willing to literally pay the price, or she may believe having a man so much younger is a trophy.

You cannot live your mother's life for her, but you can learn from it. Concentrate on making the best life you can for yourself. If you do, those efforts will be well spent.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Other Woman Feels Urge to Apologize to Wife She Wronged

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 20th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I did something really selfish and stupid. I got involved with a married man, and it lasted several years. When his wife found out, everything blew up. She wrote me a letter saying she needed closure and to let me know how I destroyed her self-esteem. She questioned my morals and berated me for my actions.

I deeply regret what I did, and I am filled with remorse. I want her to know how sorry I am, and I have written a response to her letter. I did it partly because I needed to put my feelings down in words and to express my sadness for all the pain I caused.

I am sure she never wants to hear from me again, but I need to apologize and let her know I'll regret what I did for the rest of my life. Should I send it? -- FULL OF SADNESS AND REMORSE

DEAR FULL: I think you have done enough already. Because you are sure the woman never wants to hear from you again, don't send it. While she deserves an apology for your part in her husband's infidelity, I seriously doubt it will lessen her pain, even as it eases your guilt.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce

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