DEAR ABBY: My husband said something very derogatory to my cousin's sister-in-law at a family party. She told my cousin right away. Instead of coming to me, my cousin went to my brothers and sisters-in-law. They confronted my husband and told him he had to tell me or they would. My husband did tell me. Of course, it is now out in the open, and the ramifications have been horrible. My husband has apologized to all parties, which is about all he can do.
The issue is, my brothers and sisters-in-law now hate him to the point that they don't want him around their kids, whom my husband adores. I love my husband, but I love my family too. I worship my nieces and nephews.
I know if I stay and work on my marriage, my brothers and their wives won't support my decision, which will make me unhappy. We will no longer be able to socialize with family as a couple. However, if I walk away from my husband without trying to work on my marriage, I won't be happy either. I'm confused and trying to decide if I stay or go. Please help! -- LOSING EITHER WAY IN NEW YORK
DEAR LOSING: Was what happened at the family party something that happens often? Is your husband a loose cannon, a drunk, a misogynist, a verbal abuser? Has he changed for the worse since you married him? If the answer to these questions is no, in light of the fact that he has apologized to all concerned, I don't think you should give up on your marriage without careful consideration, possibly with input from your spiritual adviser and/or a licensed marriage and family therapist.