DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful mother-in-law whom I love very much. She frequently stays overnight in my home. I also have two young sons.

My mother-in-law recently mentioned to me that she doesn't wear underwear to bed and never has, including while staying at my house. I'm troubled by this because she wears nightgowns to bed, and I'm afraid my sons might accidentally see her lady parts. Also, she sleeps on my furniture like this, and I feel it is disrespectful and unladylike.

I don't know how to say to her that, for the sake of my furniture and my sanity, I need her to wear underwear to bed when she stays at my house. Do I broach this subject, or am I being unreasonable? -- PROPER IN OHIO

DEAR PROPER: What your mother-in-law wears to bed is her business, not yours. Unless your little boys are playing peek-a-boo underneath her nightie, they won't notice -- or care. How long is that garment anyway? If it reaches below her knees or to her ankles, there should be no "bootie contact" with your sofa. In the interest of family harmony, I recommend you take a chill pill and leave the subject alone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man who doesn't want us to be described as anything more than friends. We are together every day, and he knows I love him. We have sex, and I sleep over whenever possible. He wants me there all the time but with no status. Am I wrong for wanting more? Will there ever be more? -- NAMELESS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NAMELESS: The answers to your questions are no and no. Your "friend" wants the benefits of being a lover and none of the responsibility.

Have you talked with him about this and how it makes you feel? You are not "wrong" for wanting more, but you are mistaken if you think that being at his beck and call is the way to get the commitment he seems to be so unwilling to make. You might have better results if you quit being so available.

DEAR ABBY: I'm recently married to my second wife. We have a great relationship, but I feel like she has a better relationship with my two daughters than I do. They do everything together, and my daughters don't want to do anything that includes me.

Part of me is grateful they have such a great relationship, but I'm also jealous that my relationship with them is not as good as hers. Should I say something? I don't want to ruin what they have, but I feel neglected. Am I being selfish? Should I just ignore it and get a hobby or something? -- ENVIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR ENVIOUS: I wish you had mentioned how old your daughters are. I see nothing to be gained by not discussing this with your wife. Parenting is not supposed to be a contest.

Your daughters may not mean to exclude you, but may assume you wouldn't be interested in the things they are doing or discussing. (I'm thinking of things females like to do together.) If you let them know you're sincerely interested in joining in some of their activities, you may be surprised at how quickly they include you. Also, set a standing (monthly) breakfast or lunch date -- just you and your daughters -- so you can spend some quality time together.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and family constantly ask me when I plan to get a new phone. I have a slide phone. I used to have a flip phone, which also drew the same questions. I am not a phone person. I have a land line at home with answering/messaging in place.

I am sick of the questions about my phone. I don't want a smartphone. I have my little phone for emergencies, not so everyone I know can reach me immediately. I wouldn't dream of asking people when they are going to get a better TV, newer shoes, a more expensive car, a bigger house, a more expensive handbag. Why is it that people feel the need to shame me about my phone?

It is to the point now that I may turn it off and turn it on only when I want to use it. It is becoming difficult for me to remain civil about this subject. I envision myself throwing it in the trash can next time someone asks. -- LIKE THE OLD DAYS

DEAR LIKE THE OLD DAYS: Some people view having the latest model of cellphone as a status symbol, which is why so many feel compelled to buy one as soon as a new one is released. However, while that dreaded question may be posed in terms of when you plan to buy a new phone, I suspect what the askers really mean is, "When are you going to make it easier for us to communicate with you?"

If you shut your phone off and use it only when you wish to use it, you won't be alone in the practice. While it may frustrate those who want immediate gratification, it will allow you to manage your time without unwelcome interruptions.

DEAR ABBY: Last night my wife and I, both retired M.D.s, met our daughter "Jackie," her wife, "Kelly," and Jackie's daughter for dinner at a restaurant to celebrate Jackie's 50th birthday. Kelly had called a couple of weeks ago to invite us.

My wife and I pay the check when we meet Jackie and her family to eat, which is usually brunch on Sunday, but because Kelly invited us, we were unsure whether we should last night. (Our son gets upset if we offer to pay in similar circumstances.) My wife asked Kelly at the table if we could pay for our dinners. We had already presented Jackie with a birthday card with a check for $1,000 enclosed.

Jackie texted us today, incensed that we did not pick up the check. Should we have? Jackie is a Ph.D. and makes a comfortable living. Her wife is an Ivy League graduate. -- BAFFLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BAFFLED: Your daughter's manners are appalling. Her wife invited you and your wife to the dinner, which made you HER guests. It was sweet (and generous) of your wife to ask if the two of you could pay for your meals -- in addition to the very generous gift you had given your daughter. If apologies are in order, the people who should receive them are you and your wife.

DEAR ABBY: Every summer, my husband and I, our two boys and my parents would take several vacations at Mom and Dad's lake home. This is where Dad grew up and where we spent countless vacations as children. It holds much sentimental value to us all. We were lucky enough to have our own space upstairs and were free to enjoy the home as if it was ours. We always contributed to groceries and cleaning before we left, and it was very enjoyable for everyone.

My mother passed away last year after a long battle with a debilitating disease. Dad is planning to retire soon and move permanently to the lake home, which is about seven hours away. However, he has found a girlfriend he has become close to, and upon retiring, he plans to have her move in with him.

I am thrilled that Dad has found someone, but I'm left wondering how to handle visits to our beloved vacation spot once Dad's new lady moves in. He insists we visit as we naturally would, which usually means staying several nights as it is quite far away. We don't know Dad's lady very well yet, and I'm feeling awkward about visiting. Do we continue to treat this as we once did, like it is partly ours? What's proper etiquette here? -- THROWN IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR THROWN: Your father has made it plain that he would like you to visit "as you naturally would." Because you are feeling awkward, this is something you should discuss with him, if only to make sure he will be able to welcome you as he has in the past. It would not be a breach of etiquette to level with him about what's on your mind. Once you start going there and interacting, you will get to know his lady friend, and she will get to know you -- and that should break the ice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the youngest of five, and all of us are successful in our own ways -- except for our middle youngest sibling. She dropped out of college, had a bad breakup with a married man and has given up all hope and efforts to live a normal life.

She's 34, refuses to work and still lives with our parents. She trashed the vehicle our father bought and paid for, and walks around the house talking to herself, which I believe is for attention because I have had serious conversations with her. I've tried several times to be a sympathetic ear and encouraged her to find a job, but it's not working.

What can we do to help her get a job and move? She's a burden on our family, and it's depressing to have her present for family events she doesn't dress for or make an effort to receive other family members. If this continues, I'm scared of what may happen after our parents pass. What can be done for an adult who refuses to grow up and move on? -- HOPELESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOPELESS: I have another idea why your sister walks around the house talking to herself and can't motivate herself to be independent. She may be severely depressed or suffering from other mental problems. Talk to your parents and tell them they are not helping her by ignoring the fact that she isn't functional. They need to insist that, as a condition of staying with them, she talk to a mental health professional.