DEAR ABBY: I'm the mom of a 31-year-old daughter who recently broke up with her longtime boyfriend so she can be with a 17-year-old kid. I probably wouldn't be upset if she didn't have sons who are 15, 14, 12 and a daughter, 10, who considered the man she broke up with their dad. Her new love is only two years older than her oldest. I am having a hard time accepting this and so are my grandkids.

I haven't talked to my daughter about her choice because I know she's an adult and the bottom line is it isn't really my business. I do worry about how much confusion this causes the kids.

I don't know if I can accept this new "man" in her life. To tell you the truth, I want nothing to do with him. I want to continue seeing my grandchildren, though, which will mean I'll have to deal with this person on some level. How? -- THROWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR THROWN: Here's how. Be a lady. You have a right to express your opinion privately, but when you see him, be cordial and do not make apparent how much you disapprove of the relationship. If you alienate him, you will lose. The result will be that you see less of him, your daughter will be upset with you and you will see less of your grandkids.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married soon, and I want to invite a colleague I have known for years. My colleague is gay and married. My fiance, "Ted," is from a large, very traditional family. When I suggested inviting my co-worker and his husband, Ted expressed concern, stating that members of his family might feel alienated and uncomfortable.

I love Ted dearly, and I love his family. But I feel like I will be shutting out a friend by not inviting him and his spouse. Should I explain the situation to my colleague or leave it alone? Is it possible to reach a compromise that will make everyone happy? -- LOVING BRIDE IN TEXAS

DEAR BRIDE: I think you should do what makes YOU happy. The problem with trying to please everyone is that it isn't possible. Unless you want Ted's family deciding who your friendships should include in the future, tell Ted this person is your friend and you do not want him and his husband to feel hurt by being excluded. Ted's family will adjust, which is what gracious guests are supposed to do.

DEAR ABBY: My son is in his mid-20s, and I would love to spend time with him. The problem is, every time he has come to my home he has stolen things from me and pawned them. I know this to be a fact.

I confronted him about it two years ago. I told him I love him very much but can no longer trust him in my home. He didn't deny the thefts, but since then, he won't take my calls or respond on social media or to text messages. What's a dad to do or not do? -- FAILING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FAILING: Your son may be ashamed to face you after what he has done. All you can do is continue to reach out, tell him you love him and pray that he finally decides to stop hiding from you and possibly from himself. You have my sympathy, but you cannot force this.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 26-year-old single man. Most of my good friends are getting married, and when they do, they stop speaking to me. I have a hard time not resenting them for it. It makes me feel my company was a placeholder until they got married, and I'm not worth keeping around now that they have what they really want. It makes me feel like a second-class citizen.

Is this typical behavior or am I right to feel slighted? If you have any advice for someone in my situation, I'd appreciate it. -- PLACEHOLDER IN THE EAST

DEAR PLACEHOLDER: You may be taking this too personally. When people marry, their interests and their social schedules change. They tend to socialize with other newlyweds, which may be why you see less of them.

There could be many reasons why you are no longer included -- among them that they don't want you to feel like the odd man out. Make sure they know that won't be the case, you still value their friendship and you would love to get together with them. That may prompt them to include you more often. Also, make a point of staying active and putting yourself in social situations where you can meet some new single friends.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a chronic illness for 15 years. It has a myriad of symptoms that are very painful. While some of them are fleeting, others last for weeks.

My family is angry with me because they say I am not dependable. It seems like every conversation requires some sort of explanation or apology. My husband is supportive, so our household is calm and reassuring. He says I should stop communicating with these relatives because the negativity is depressing and demoralizing. How can I get them to accept me as I am? -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You can't force people who have no empathy to have it. For whatever reason, it isn't in their DNA. You can, however, take care of yourself. If seeing or talking with your relatives leaves you feeling worse, it would make sense to follow your husband's advice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman with a situation I've never seen addressed in your column. Most adult identical twins do not go out of their way to look 100% alike. They'll style their hair differently, groom facial hair differently or dress differently.

I attend a church where two middle-aged women appear to have missed that memo. They wear the same hairstyle, the same glasses and nearly identical clothes. This makes me tend to avoid them because I'm embarrassed to admit I have no clue as to which one I'm talking to. Please give me your input. -- SEEING DOUBLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SEEING DOUBLE: Rather than allow the inability to distinguish between the twins cause you to shun them, why not explain your problem? If you do, perhaps they can suggest a way you can identify them as individuals. As you interact with them, you may also notice characteristics that will help you tell who's who.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are both 34 and have been dating for eight years. I love him, but I'm tired of him being so selfish and self-centered. His free time revolves around hockey games on the ice and on TV, baseball on the field and on TV and football season TV. Basically, his butt is glued to the couch.

Every day when I get home from a 10-hour day at the office, he's sitting there watching a game on TV, getting ready to watch a game or getting ready to go to a game. I'm lucky if I get a kiss on the cheek and a five-minute "hello" before he's gone or his eyes are glued to that damned TV.

He complains because he wants me to watch with him or join him. Occasionally I will, but honestly, it's not my thing, and I have no interest. I do it just for him, but when it comes to something I want him to do with me, he makes a fuss, doesn't want to participate and makes me feel bad for even asking.

My life consists of spending time alone at the mall every Saturday or Sunday to get out of the house and just get a day of sunlight, or reading a book upstairs in our room. If his weekend games don't start until the afternoon, he literally sleeps in until an hour before.

I'm tired of him being lazy, inattentive and making no effort in our relationship. We are both adults, no kids. We love our freedom, but I still want to do things sometimes as an actual couple. Our lives are boring, sad and depressing. Please give me some advice on how to change this, or do I change alone and finally move on? -- AFTERTHOUGHT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AFTERTHOUGHT: You cannot change another person, but there is still time to make some positive changes in your life. I think eight years of this -- I hate to call it a relationship -- is enough. You have wasted enough time trying to get through to this very limited individual. Find a man you have something in common with to spend your life with. You should have moved out and moved on years ago.

DEAR ABBY: For some strange reason, my sister-in-law "Yvonne" doesn't want gifts. She has done a lot for us (baby-sits, etc.), and when we try to give her a little gift, she says she doesn't want anything. She loves growing herbs, so we gave her an herb-growing kit. She refused to accept it and made us return it to the store. It hurt my feelings deeply.

My husband and I have decided to not get her any more gifts. Her birthday was last week, and we didn't do anything for her. It made me feel terrible. Why would someone not want to receive anything? I feel we are being robbed of the joy of giving. -- GENEROUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR GENEROUS: Not knowing Yvonne, I can't explain her personal reasons for not wanting gifts. I do know that some people are uncomfortable receiving them because they consider it to be an obligation -- plus they don't like to shop, have no use for the item or it is not their taste. Rather than be upset with her for being honest with you, respect her wishes and on her birthday, send her a card.