DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Libby's," dearest friend of 20 years, "Melanie," has changed her lifestyle. Melanie and her husband have become "swingers." Now when Libby meets her socially, all Melanie can talk about is her new lifestyle -- complete with photos. Plus Melanie is very interested in meeting men when they are out together.

I don't like what she and her husband are doing, and I don't like my wife being exposed to swinging and meeting men. Libby says Melanie is an old friend, and she doesn't want to end their relationship. She says I have nothing to worry about because she isn't interested in this lifestyle. The problem is, I still worry, and I'm not comfortable with this. Could you please advise me on what I should do? -- FAITHFUL IN DALLAS

DEAR FAITHFUL: It would be interesting to know why Melanie brings Libby along when she's looking for men. (Is she using your wife as "bait"?) It would also be interesting to know how Libby feels when men show an interest in her friend and she is sitting there like a third wheel.

Of course, the bottom line is how this makes you feel, and do you trust your wife. If this is a regular thing, I can see how it would make you uncomfortable. Consider suggesting to Libby that rather than go out for the evening with Melanie, they meet for lunch instead.

DEAR ABBY: My sister recently confided that her husband has about $100,000 in credit card debt. "Sis" bailed him out five years ago to the tune of $400,000, just ahead of bankruptcy. Why she didn't divorce him then, I don't know. She says she doesn't love or respect him, and he does nothing for their home or for her. On top of that, he's emotionally abusive.

My sister has worked hard and lived frugally so she could retire. She paid off both mortgages on their house. In our community property state, he would get half her large retirement and half the property. I suggested she divorce him two years ago. She said she wanted to, but didn't.

I'm so mad at him I want to shame him publicly on Facebook because FB is the ONLY thing he cares about besides spending money. He portrays himself on FB as a caring, compassionate guy and a true friend. Maybe his "friends" should know the truth. What else would get through to him? He says he can build debt because she'll always pay it off. -- HAVE MY SISTER'S BACK

DEAR HAVE: I'm sorry you didn't mention why your sister has chosen to stay with someone she doesn't love or respect and who mistreats her. Please suggest to her that for her own protection she should make an appointment to talk with an accountant and an attorney to discuss what's going on before her husband's irresponsibility causes her to become indigent.

Beyond that, there is nothing you can do besides give her emotional support as you have been doing.

DEAR ABBY: Just months before our 30th wedding anniversary, my husband told me he doesn't love me and never wanted to marry me. I am beyond devastated. I feel I have wasted the best years of my life. We have two beautiful daughters who are my everything.

When he revealed this news to me, it turned my life upside down. I don't know how to process it or what to do. I have spent years begging him to be more affectionate and loving. I always assumed he just didn't know how to show love. It never crossed my mind that he has never loved me. I feel naive, betrayed and robbed. -- HOPELESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HOPELESS: When your husband handed you that "bouquet," was he angry or inebriated? It is hard to believe that a man would stay married for 30 years to someone he didn't love and didn't want to marry in the first place. (Shotgun weddings are long out of style.)

Revisit that conversation with him, and if he tells you he meant what he said, you are justified in feeling the way you describe. The questions then become are you better with him or without him, and what are your legal rights in the state in which you and this man live. (Not referring to him as your "husband" was not an oversight.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently left my job and flew across the country for an internship on a small farm to learn about sustainable farming. I have been here a week. I have met some awesome people and have been having some fun with them in my free time. However, I'm now having second thoughts.

This is hard, physical labor, and my living conditions are a lot more rustic and communal than I was led to believe. There is no electricity in our quarters, and we cook our meals outside on a propane stove. Also, the internship is unpaid, and I'll have to pay to take a summer class.

While I feel I am benefiting from this experience, I miss my old job (which I can get back) and the more comfortable lifestyle. Do you think I need to give this internship more time? -- ACROSS THE COUNTRY

DEAR ACROSS: You signed on for the internship for a good reason -- to learn. Having done that, it will be not only educational but also character-building to see it through until the end of the summer. This isn't forever, and the lessons you learn may last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old son has difficulty expressing himself and keeps things bottled up. You often advise people to seek counseling. Could you please advise me about how to begin that process and how to find the right fit and person for one's individual needs? -- INVOLVED PARENT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PARENT: Start by asking your doctor to refer you to a specialist who works with adolescents. The company that provides your health insurance can also give you some referrals. After you and your son meet the candidates, it is simply a matter of choosing a therapist your son feels comfortable talking with.

DEAR ABBY: My wife died recently. We were very happy. We had six beautiful children and were married for 58 wonderful years.

It has been a month since her funeral, and I have been able to cope somewhat with her loss. But suddenly, a couple of days ago, I experienced a tremendous wave of grief and thought I would go crazy with not being able to see her again. I began to be afraid I'd have to be hospitalized, perhaps in a psychiatric ward and medicated. But my son told me this condition (everything "hitting" you in a delayed reaction) has been documented in a majority of cases. Is this true? -- GRIEVING TEXAN

DEAR GRIEVING TEXAN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I am sure you feel her loss profoundly.

Not everyone grieves in the same way. Some feel numb and can't understand why they can't feel anything after a loved one dies. Others feel the loss immediately and can't sleep, eat or stop crying.

Your son is absolutely right. What happened to you is not unusual. However, if feelings of being out of control persist, you should discuss them with your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: One of our in-laws recently confessed about a long-term affair. The details are widely known. The closest family members, and especially the couple's adult children, are shocked, devastated and angry. No one wants to even talk to the cheater.

The aggrieved spouse wants to keep the marriage together. It is hard to imagine that time will heal these wounds. How can my wife and I support the aggrieved spouse and the devastated children? Should we try to re-establish ties with the cheater? If so, do we just talk about the weather, or do we acknowledge the elephant in the room? -- TRYING TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT

DEAR TRYING: If you truly want to support the spouse and adult children, let them know you are there for them if they want to talk. If you socialize with the husband and wife as a couple, continue to behave as you always have with them and discuss the topics you always did. Couples can get past turbulence in their marriage more easily without unsolicited interference.

DEAR ABBY: I was paying bills and saw that my husband sent his mother flowers for Mother's Day. It stung because I received nothing from him. ZIP. In the past, he has stated that I am not his mom, suggesting there's no reason to celebrate the mother of HIS child who birthed HIS child on Mother's Day 10 years ago. Should I be annoyed? -- UNSURE IN OREGON

DEAR UNSURE: Most husbands have more brains than the cheap, insensitive man you married. I am tempted to suggest that you "forget" him on Father's Day and when he asks why, tell him he's not your father. You are a mother because he helped you become one, and he shouldn't forget that fact.