DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old man who has been divorced for eight years. (My ex-wife was the one who filed.) I recently reconnected with my ex-wife's sister, "Edith," whom I hadn't seen in years. We began a friendship, which has evolved into a serious relationship.

My ex is having issues with our romance and has been trying to turn friends, our grown children and our parents against us. We are both single and enjoy each other's company. Is there any reason why we should not pursue this relationship, because "we're upsetting my ex-wife's family"? -- TWO LOVERS IN NEW YORK

DEAR TWO LOVERS: When your wife left you, she lost the right to dictate what you should do with your life -- including whom you date or even marry next. She is acting like the proverbial dog in the manger, and I sincerely hope your friends and family don't let her get away with it. Now go and have a good life, because you and Edith deserve one.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I can remember, I have felt like my mother hates me. Growing up, my two brothers got whatever they wanted while I had to beg for things I wanted. An example: My brothers were given a car for graduation; I got contact lenses. Neither one could do anything wrong in my mother's eyes, but whatever I did was wrong.

Now that I'm an adult, she still treats me this way, and it's making me depressed. I have medical issues that she refuses to believe I have. What can I do to make my mother like me? -- DEPRESSED DAUGHTER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEPRESSED: It would be interesting to know what kind of a relationship your mother had with her own mother, because it's possible that she's repeating a pattern she learned when she was a child.

I'm sorry you are hurting because of the way she has treated you, but it isn't possible to "make" somebody -- even a parent -- have feelings that just aren't there. What might help you is to discuss your dysfunctional relationship with your mother with a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand that if there is fault involved, it belongs solely with her and not you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who calls 20 times a day. If one of my kids asks me something and I ask her to hang on while I respond, she hangs up on me. We have had a falling-out over this more than once.

I think it's rude of her to just hang up. I feel it would be different if she called only a few times a week for a few minutes, but that's not the case. She feels I am being rude to ask her to hang on, and that my kids should either wait until we are finished or go on about their business and come back to talk to me later. However, they can't always do that. They try really hard not to interrupt, but sometimes they just have to because of time. Am I wrong to be upset? -- HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE

DEAR HOLD ON: No, you are not wrong. Your children are trying to be cooperative and respectful. It is your friend who is being unreasonable. Your children should come first, and if the woman can't understand that, perhaps you should cultivate friends who are more tolerant and less chatty (20 times a day!).

DEAR ABBY: My aunt had a stillborn baby 20 years ago. At the time, I was a teenager. Ever since then she has lived a morbid lifestyle -- like you'd see in a scary movie. After the first year, she threw a party with a cake for all of us, and wanted us to sing "Happy Birthday" to a baby that never lived.

When my grandfather died recently, she made sure the preacher announced that my grandfather also had another grandchild. I found out that when her cat died she kept it in the house for several days because she didn't want to let it go.

It bothers us a lot, because she acts like she is the victim in life and tries to make people feel guilty for being happy. How do we talk to her? -- CRYSTAL IN NEVADA

DEAR CRYSTAL: Your aunt should have sought grief counseling after she lost her baby. That she would throw a birthday party a year later and expect everyone to participate as if the child had lived is truly sad. Because you and your relatives feel she still hasn't gotten beyond the tragedy, those closest to her should suggest she talk with a therapist now or join a support group.

That said, I am not sure her wish that her little angel be mentioned at your grandfather's funeral was out of line. Although the baby was stillborn, I'm sure the loss was grieved by your grandfather as well as your aunt.

DEAR ABBY: Our oldest son has had a girlfriend for almost two years. She's a lovely, kind and quality person, the type you would want him to marry. The problem I'm having is that I have slipped and called her by the name of his former girlfriend. This happens sometimes during casual conversation, especially when I'm not concentrating. I have tried to be careful because I don't want to hurt her or my son's feelings, but sadly, I have.

I know she has heard me at least a couple of times. I have no affinity for the former girlfriend. Abby, this is damaging my relationship with my son and his girlfriend although she is too classy to say a word. What do I do? -- HEARTBROKEN IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: When it happens again -- and it may -- apologize, explain that it's embarrassing, and you don't know why it happens. Then thank her for being as classy as she has been about it.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law is starting a business and has offered my husband a job he is well-qualified for. I think it's a bad idea to mix family and business. I should mention that it's my husband's brother, and in the past when my husband has done odd jobs for him, he has had trouble getting paid for them. Do you agree with me that it's a bad idea for my husband to work for his brother? -- NOT SO SURE

DEAR NOT: Working for a relative can pack a double whammy because of unresolved emotional baggage that can come with the job, but it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it works out very well. However, because your husband's brother has a history of not paying his debts, I agree with you that in this case, it would be a bad idea.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a man several years ago, and we just hooked up again. In the interim he had all of his teeth pulled. His dentures are ill-fitting, and he refuses to get them adjusted. As a result, he goes without any teeth, which I find a whole lot less than sexy. Our love life is suffering as a result.

He has tried to persuade me to kiss him without the teeth, or he sits around all evening and then runs and puts them in for a "bootie call." But now he doesn't even do THAT! He'll wear the teeth to work and other places, but not with me. He expects me to get in the mood, even though he looks like Grandpa.

We had a spat about it, and he called me shallow. Am I? I take pride in my appearance for him. I think he just expects me to get over it and make out with him toothless, but I can't! It's not like we live together. We see each other once a week or less. Please tell the truth here. -- MAKING THE EFFORT IN OHIO

DEAR MAKING: The truth is, your friend needs to see a dentist and get his false teeth adjusted or replaced. Out of consideration for you, he should wear them when he desires intimacy. That you don't get turned on when he's toothless isn't shallow. I'm sure many women would feel the same way.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old man who has had very few girlfriends, although there are some women who are interested and who I would certainly date. The problem is, for some reason, I don't move forward, and I'm now worried that I'm so set in my ways I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

Could the issue be that I haven't met the right person, as I tell myself? Other reasons could be my insecurity, lack of trust in women, and my fear that women won't like my lifestyle (I have no ambition). Most people find a mate. Why not me? -- MR. ALONE

DEAR MR. ALONE: The reason may be that, until now, you haven't been willing to identify and work on the issues that have prevented you from finding one. A licensed mental health professional can help you overcome your insecurities and inability to trust, and understand what they stem from. Once you succeed at that, you may find you have more ambition than you currently think.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently at an upscale restaurant. I needed to use the restroom. When I approached the ladies' room door, it was closed. I knocked twice and heard a grumbling from inside. A minute later a lady exited. She asked me if I had knocked, and I replied that I had. She then admonished me in a stern voice as if I were a child, saying, "Don't do that!"

Was I wrong to knock on a restroom door that was closed? Are we to assume that someone is in there? I always close the restroom door when I leave because I assume that people do not want a view of the restroom while enjoying dinner. -- CONFUSED DINER

DEAR CONFUSED: Some people turn the door handle to see if the restroom is occupied. Others knock, particularly if it has been occupied for an unusually long time. The woman you encountered may have been in a bad mood, or felt that because you knocked you had rushed her. You did nothing wrong, and I hope you didn't let it ruin your evening.