DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting a baby in a few months. My father and his wife asked if we would like a large crib/changing table/shelf combination they took a fancy to at an antique store. I politely refused and explained that there is no space in our small apartment. They sent it anyway! Now I have to figure out how to get rid of it because it takes up most of our living room. The piece can't be returned, won't fit in my car, and I can't lift it anyway. I'm hoping the thrift store will pick it up.

My questions are: Must I send a thank you for a gift I explicitly asked them not to send, and what should I say when they discover I've given it away (they are going to be angry), and how do I prevent this from happening again? -- UNWANTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNWANTED: Write your father and stepmother a sweet note thanking them for their thoughtfulness, and include with it a photo or two that show it crowding your living room. The next time you talk with them, explain that space is tight and offer to have it shipped to them to be used when the baby visits. If they agree, you're off the hook. If they don't, sell or donate it.

As to preventing this from happening again, much as you may wish to, you can't control what other people do. You tried that before, and it didn't work.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old guy. A lot of my best friends are super cool and absolutely amazing people. All of them share one thing in common. They all dye their hair different unnatural colors, such as green, purple and even rainbow. I have natural hair, but now I feel left out, and I want to do the same. But I wonder what it feels like to have hair like that. Do you have any opinions on the subject or heard of past experiences from anyone about this? -- DYED HAIR HOPEFUL

DEAR DYED HAIR HOPEFUL: Dyeing your hair in a neon color will attract attention, some of it positive and some of it negative. What's important is whether YOU like it and the kind of attention it brings. You will never know until you try it. It's only hair. If you decide you don't like it, you can dye it back to its natural color or cut it off and let it grow out. It's important to remember that hair dye will not make you cool and amazing. You are already those things.

DEAR ABBY: I mentioned to two friends that my best friend was thinking of moving. One of them told the main office of the company they work at. When my best friend found out, she said I had betrayed her, and she no longer wants to be my friend.

I love and miss her. I have tried everything to repair our friendship. She'll say hello when I see her, but she no longer calls or visits me. What can I do to get back in her good graces? I have apologized, but nothing seems to help. Please advise. -- NEEDS MY FRIEND

DEAR NEEDS: If your friend didn't warn you that the discussion about her moving was in confidence, she has no one to blame but herself for the word getting out. Perhaps you should remind her of that fact. I can't guarantee that it will repair your relationship, but if it's the truth, she should hear it.

DEAR ABBY: I am very close to my 19-year-old son. He is kind, sweet and big-hearted. He has learning disabilities and the maturity level of probably a 15- or 16-year-old. Naturally, I am protective of him. He had one girlfriend during his senior year, and when they broke up after four months, he was beyond devastated. Since then he constantly talks about how lonely he is and his desire to be in a relationship.

About a week ago, he told me he likes a woman from his work. They went out on a couple of dates and, come to find out, she's 33 and has three kids (9, 7 and 8 months old). He told me she asked him if he wanted to be in a serious relationship or just be friends with benefits. He told her he wanted something serious, and I guess she agreed.

Abby, this woman is taking advantage of my son! What would a woman that age want with a kid? This is a complicated nightmare, and I do not want my son involved with her. I'm convinced she's using him, and once she is over it, she will break his heart. It took him a long time to get over his high school sweetheart, and I was seriously worried about his mental well-being. Is there anything I can do to stop this train wreck?

I have talked to him about my concerns, but it didn't accomplish anything. I told him I want to meet her, and they agreed. I'm nervous because I know I need to refrain from telling her how I really feel. Any suggestions? -- PROTECTIVE MOM

DEAR MOM: Not all romances are guaranteed to last, as most adults find out after they enter the dating scene. At 19 -- learning disabilities or not -- your son is considered to be an adult. Part of becoming one is experiencing life with all of its joys and disappointments.

You cannot protect your son from sadness or predict how his relationships will turn out. Let him know that you are supportive of him always. Then, when you meet this woman, be warm and befriend her. Get to know her so you can communicate with her without her becoming defensive. You will gain nothing by seeming hostile.

DEAR ABBY: About 12 years ago, I found out my dad isn't really my father. It didn't change how I felt about him, and I wasn't interested in meeting my biological father.

Dad died a couple of weeks ago. During the memorial service, I ended my emotional tribute to him by saying that even though he wasn't my bio father, he was still my "Dad," and the love and memories I have of him mean more than any blood ties to my bio father.

My brother and one of my sisters had no problem with me saying this. My other sister, however, was very upset with me. She said letting church members know he wasn't my bio father was disrespectful. She was the only one who criticized me. Was I disrespectful, and was my sister correct in chastising me? -- LOVED MY DAD

DEAR LOVED: The eulogy you gave for your dad was beautiful, and it came from the heart. It was in no way disrespectful and you did nothing wrong. Your sister should not have criticized you the way she did, but when there is a death in the family, emotions sometimes run high.

DEAR ABBY: Around 12 years ago, I helped out an old friend I'll call Patty by creating an author website for her. I have maintained it for her ever since. She is grateful and gives me a gift every once in a while to show her appreciation.

Over time, her requests for revisions and updates have increased to the point that I dread receiving them. I'm very busy with a business I own, and I really don't want to do this for her anymore.

The problem is, I created the website using an obscure program she has no idea how to use (she's tech-unsavvy to begin with), so if I stop, I would be leaving her high and dry. Oh, and she has no money, so I don't think hiring someone to take over would be an option. The only thing I could recommend to her is that she start making a new webpage from scratch, using a free site.

I'm dying to let this go, but I think she'll be crushed, and I hate to hurt her. Any advice? -- OVERWORKED FRIEND

DEAR OVERWORKED: Explain to your friend that you have a business to run and you will no longer be able to give her the free services you have been. Then, if you want to keep the friendship, rebuild her a website on a platform that will be easier for her -- or someone else -- to manage in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law has always been a bully and a chronic liar. It has torn our family apart. He'll tell one family member one thing, and the other another story for the purpose of getting them mad at each other. He is also a narcissist. Innocent people have been victimized by all of this.

Now he is moving on to the elderly neighbors and lying to them about family members. Confronting him will do no good. We have tried. How do we get him to stop the bullying and lying? His wife is no help because she has been brainwashed and can no longer think for herself. Please help. Maybe by publishing this letter it will turn on a lightbulb. -- DESPERATE IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR DESPERATE: Because your brother-in-law is now spreading misinformation among the elderly neighbors, explain to them that he has a "personality disorder" and a problem with the truth. Then give them some examples and, with luck, you can nip this in the bud.

DEAR ABBY: I have depression and anxiety problems. My dad sometimes forgets that I have it. I tried to kill myself a couple of times. I asked him if I can have a service dog for my mental health problems. He says I can't have one. I understand his reasons, but I think it would help me. I really need help. -- GOING INSANE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR GOING INSANE: I cannot fathom how the parent of a child who has attempted to commit suicide would "forget" it. I will assume that you are under the care of a mental health professional for your depression and anxiety. If you aren't, you should be. Your father may be more open to accepting the concept of a therapy dog if he hears it from your therapist.