DEAR ABBY: My sister "Thea" has distanced herself from the family. I understand why she did. Our parents were mentally, physically and emotionally abusive while we were growing up, with one who instigated the issues and the other taking it out on us kids.

I feel stuck in the middle of chaos. My parents have started to work on their behaviors and make amends for past conduct. It comes a bit too late for apologies, even for me, but I decided to give them a second chance since they seem sincere. Thea told them she wants nothing to do with them.

Recently, she contacted me asking me to suggest that my parents help out a family member who was in dire straits. I told Thea I would suggest it, but I couldn't guarantee what their response would be. Their response was that if she wanted something from them, she needed to ask them herself and not through an intermediary.

I'm at a loss as to how to tell both sides that I'm tired of being the middleman, as this has become an emotional thing between all parties involved. I'm also not sure how to open the discussion for them to air their differences whether they reconcile or not. Help! -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Thea has cut herself off from your parents for good reason. You are no more "in the middle" than you want to be. Tell your sister that if a family member is in trouble, THAT person should approach your parents and ask for help, not do it through you or another intermediary.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 27-year-old son, "Bobby." He was living with me and his grandma, and two years ago he got a puppy, which I took care of, potty-trained and fed. "Champ" even slept with me. Needless to say, he became a family dog, and my 83-year-old mom became quite attached to him.

Bobby started dating a gal. After four months, they decided to move in together, and he took Champ with him. My mom has been crying every day for our pet.

Because they both work, they leave Champ home alone all day, and he howls until they get home. I asked Bobby if we could have visitation once a week because we miss Champ so much. His girlfriend got involved and told me Champ is their dog and they are not sharing him. I was very upset since he was our dog for two years.

I no longer have a relationship with my son over the dog and girlfriend, and my mother has a broken heart. Am I wrong here? -- CANINE WAR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WAR: You weren't wrong to be upset. Your mistake was letting the disagreement cause an estrangement from your son. If Champ's incessant howling causes a problem for Bobby's neighbors, he and his girlfriend might be receptive to letting you and Grandma take him while they are working. However, if they cannot see the logic, consider adopting a rescue dog to ease your mother's aching heart and give her something else to love other than Champ.

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DEAR ABBY: I am going through a nasty divorce. My sons, ages 4, 11 and 12, live with my husband, 1,000 miles away. They will be with me for summer vacation. This will be the longest stay they will have with me, and I'm not going to lie -- I am excited and nervous at the same time.

My problem is, my children do not know I have been seeing someone, and we live together. How should I break this to them? They didn't get to meet him during the holidays when we were together. My new beau, "Sean," thought it would be a bad idea, and I took his advice.

I have asked Sean how he feels about this, and he said he loves me very much, but he is scared of my boys. I'm fearful of how my children will react once I introduce them. I am afraid they will want to go back to their father. My soon-to-be-ex-husband said he has told them I left them for a new beau, which is not true. How can I introduce them slowly, and what can I anticipate for a backlash with the children? -- TREADING LIGHTLY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TREADING: Because you and Sean are living together, it's a little late to introduce Sean "slowly." Consider calling your older boys and saying that you will want them to meet "someone special who has made Mom very happy" and you are excited that they will be with you.

Suggest to Sean that if he's not used to relating to kids, he should schedule an appointment with a psychologist who can offer him suggestions on what to do. He should also sign up for parenting classes if time permits.

Once your boys arrive, schedule plenty of one-on-one time with them. Because of what your almost-ex has told them, it's important they know they are most important to you, and you did NOT leave them for anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 66-year-old married man with two grown kids. I taught high school for 30 years.

A couple of years ago, a young English teacher, "Marci," was teaching a class in my room, and we became friends. Since then, we have been going out on Fridays after school to have a few beers. We just enjoy each other's company, but my wife thinks it is weird.

We have been married for 34 years, and most of them have been happy. It doesn't make sense to me that she thinks I shouldn't be hanging out with my former co-worker. I have started not telling her Marci will be at the brewery, when in fact she will be. I am recently retired and don't have many friends other than the people I worked with all those years. Am I being weird or is my spouse? -- CONFUSED IN OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: You are not being weird; you are being dishonest. Your wife isn't weird, either. She's feeling threatened because you are "hanging out" with a younger woman.

Stop lying and start being honest again. Explain it to your wife the way you did to me -- that you don't have many friends other than the people you worked with all those years, and you would like to maintain those relationships -- at least until you can find new friends. If you invited her to come along with you, it might allay her fears.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently passed away. I wanted to be sure I was appropriately dressed for his funeral, so I shopped for the most conservative outfit I could find. When I arrived at the service, I was taken aback by what my sister-in-law was wearing. I told her I didn't think her dress was appropriate for the occasion. It was skintight and all lace. I told her what she was wearing looked like something worn at a cocktail party.

Once the words were out of my mouth I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I immediately apologized and said she looked really good in the dress, and it was flattering and rather sexy. My brother called the next day. He was furious and said that he had chosen it.

I feel like at a funeral the dress should be like what you'd wear at church or a business meeting. I may be wrong. I know I should have kept my opinion to myself and regret the comment I made. Should I just let time heal this? She and my brother are extremely upset. -- SAID NO TO THE DRESS

DEAR SAID NO: When people are grieving, they sometimes make comments they wouldn't otherwise. Apologize to both of them for your thoughtlessness and insensitivity, and hope they forgive you.

Many years ago, I attended the funeral of a friend in his early 30s who had died in a tragic accident. "John's" mother was friendly with mine, and we went to support her. John's fiancee, "Linda," was someone I also knew. When she showed up wearing an orange mini-dress, his mother was appalled. She told me she thought it was highly disrespectful. When I asked Linda later why she had chosen that particular dress, her response made me want to cry. She said she had worn it because it was John's favorite dress, and he loved seeing her in it. I learned a lesson that day: Someone's attire at a funeral is far less important than what's in the person's heart.

DEAR ABBY: I am an avid reader. Whenever I find an interesting article or story that I believe someone will enjoy, I cut out the article or copy the link and send it to that person. My issue is, I don't think they ever read what I send them.

When I bring it up during casual conversation because I think it would be nice to discuss, I find that the person hasn't read it and says, "Oh, yes, I'm going to read it," but I don't think they ever do. Is sharing pushy? Do people read anymore? Should I stop sending articles and stories? -- PASSING IT ON IN NEW YORK

DEAR PASSING: You may be overdoing it in your desire to share. If someone tells you twice that they didn't get around to reading what you sent, stop.

DEAR ABBY: Graduation is fast approaching, and the pressure is on. I am doing good in school, but work and school are draining all of my energy. How can I not be so tired? I can't stop work, and I definitely need school and college. Can you give me some advice for managing time so I won't be so tired? -- TIRED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED: Recognize that you are running a kind of marathon. Establish an ironclad schedule that allows you to get the rest you need, and don't deviate from it. I'm not saying it will be fun, but it will get you through and allow you to reach your goal without making yourself sick.