DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 40 years has asked me to fly to her son's wedding in a few months, arrive early to help with everything and not be included in the rehearsal dinner. I explained that I'm not going to spend more than $1,000 to fly out early, stay in a hotel, rent a car and not attend the dinner I've helped set up, decorate, etc. She said she's not inviting out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner, and it's family only. She then uninvited me to the wedding and hung up on me! We haven't spoken since.

Am I crazy or was she, for expecting me to go work my behind off and leave before the guests arrive? -- NO ONE'S SLAVE

DEAR NO ONE'S: What happened proves the truth of the adage that weddings and funerals can bring out the worst in people. Your friend's request was insensitive and rude, and she should be ashamed of herself. You would have been more than "an out-of-town guest," and you should have been thanked for your efforts at the dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I've dated a guy for three months now, and I still can't be completely open with him. I am afraid the real me isn't that likable, so I have become less talkative in this relationship.

Each time we go out, he's always the talker, and when sometimes I want to say something, I clam up. I like him a lot, and I don't like myself being this way. I am outgoing and talkative when I'm with my friends. I like the way I am when I am with them because I feel free and relaxed.

He has started to complain about my quietness, and it's upsetting. Each time he mentions it, I feel like I'm exposed. Should I continue this relationship? -- NOT QUIET IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NOT QUIET: Don't look now, but your self-esteem appears to be sagging. Stop hiding in a self-imposed "closet" and show this person who you really are! Whether the relationship survives the disclosure I can't guess, but I have a premonition that he will like you even better than he has for the last three months.

DEAR ABBY: I have a limited income with which I support myself and my four children. When it comes to clothing, my kids' needs obviously come first, and most of my money goes to buying their clothes. The majority of mine come from clothing banks.

My problem is, when someone compliments me on an outfit I'm wearing and asks where I got it, I don't know what to say. I'm embarrassed to say it's from a clothing bank, but at the same time I don't like lying. Any suggestions? -- SMALLTOWN POOR

DEAR SMALLTOWN POOR: I do have one. When you are complimented on an item of clothing, say thank you. And if the person asks where you bought it, say it was given to you. It's the truth. It was given to you at the clothing bank.

DEAR ABBY: I think a person in my life, "Janine," has kleptomania. I have seen her take things from my house, and I know she steals clothing from stores (as evidenced by the security clips still on them).

A friend witnessed her take boxes of doughnuts from my wedding. When my friend confronted her about it, Janine said that she "deserved" them. She even took my husband's glasses and then, a year later, set them on the kitchen counter -- next to her purse. She has other sporadic behaviors as well.

I'm struggling to be understanding about kleptomania, knowing that it's a mental illness. I don't want to lose my personal belongings or my relationships!

We're no longer comfortable having Janine in our home. I'm reluctant to talk to her about it because she can be combative and defensive. Is it socially acceptable to bring up this behavior with our mutual friends, or should we keep our mouths shut? -- TESTED IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR TESTED: If you are sure that Janine has kleptomania, it would be a kindness to caution your mutual friends about it so they can protect their belongings. I would certainly want to know if I were inviting her to my home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a girl I met in high school and went with for a year. We both went our separate ways for a couple of years because I moved far away with my family. We started college in different states, but got back together over spring break a year ago. This year we got pinned to each other. However, even though we are committed to each other, because we are so far apart, we agreed we would go out on dates and socialize until we are engaged.

After a few months, I found out she had gone home with a co-worker after work when he offered to fix her dinner. Dinner led to wine and more than a few drinks, and then to kissing, fondling, etc. I was extremely hurt when she confessed it to me, and now I'm not sure I can trust her or if there are other things going on. We still plan to get engaged when the time is right, but should I believe she'll be faithful and truthful, or should I find someone else I know I can trust? -- LET DOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LET DOWN: Give her props for being honest with you about the kissing and fondling, but before making up your mind, clarify exactly what the "etc." means. You should also make sure you have a clear definition about what "socializing" means. (There is socializing and then there is socializing.) If your definitions don't line up, then break up.

DEAR ABBY: My mother committed to going to my son's first College National Honor Society induction ceremony. My brother's wife's grandmother passed away, and her wake/funeral is the same day. My mother backed out of her commitment to my son and is now going to the wake/funeral. Should I feel angry that she did this? Which event should she commit to? -- HURT IN THE EAST

DEAR HURT: Calm down. You stated that this will be your son's "first" induction into the National Honor Society, which implies that there may be more. Your mother will have but one opportunity to pay respects to her in-law, which is why she changed her plans. Accept it.

DEAR ABBY: My son was married eight months ago. He and I were close but had problems in the past. His bride left me out of the wedding pictures. It began at the bridal shower, when I noticed she didn't want me to be in the pictures. Until that point I thought I was close to her. It was very hurtful.

They had planned a destination wedding, which only my brother and I were able to attend from my son's side of the family. It was a nine-day cruise to the Bahamas. At the wedding dinner, I was not seated with my son. Her parents were seated at the table along with friends of her parents. I was very upset and left the dinner.

The next day, I told my son I was upset when I found I was excluded from his table. He said I had overreacted and to get over it. The rest of the cruise was just a blur for me. I didn't enjoy myself, nor was I included in any plans the group had made. I was told later that because I had overreacted, my son didn't want to accommodate me in any way. This has put a strain on our relationship.

They are now expecting a child, and I'm told if I want to be a part of my grandbaby's life, I must apologize to my daughter-in-law and her family. What would you do? -- PEEVED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR PEEVED: If I wanted to be a part of my grandbaby's life, I would apologize, although I can understand why you would have been upset that you and your brother were excluded from the head table during the first dinner.

However, if I didn't want to be blackmailed, I would keep my mouth shut and go my own way, spending time only with people who treat me with kindness and respect -- neither of which it appears you received on that nightmare cruise.

DEAR ABBY: I am in high school, and there's a boy I see for at least an hour every day. About six months ago, I developed feelings for him. I've had crushes before, but nothing like this. It is all-consuming. I never thought I would feel this way until I met him. However, he has a girlfriend who seems to like him a lot, and the feeling is obviously mutual.

Now, let's be clear: I am NOT looking to break them up. I see they are very happy together, and I would never try to get in the way of that. I just feel trapped. I have tried not being around him. I tried switching classes. Nothing works. I just want to know how to move on from him. -- HELPLESS IN HIGH SCHOOL

DEAR HELPLESS: It might help to focus on the fact that spring is here, the school year will be over very soon and you may not be exposed to this boy on a daily basis in the fall. In the meantime, stay busy. Concentrate on your studies, sports and social activities. The more people you meet, the greater the chances you will find someone who is equally attractive and unattached.