DEAR ABBY: I think a person in my life, "Janine," has kleptomania. I have seen her take things from my house, and I know she steals clothing from stores (as evidenced by the security clips still on them).

A friend witnessed her take boxes of doughnuts from my wedding. When my friend confronted her about it, Janine said that she "deserved" them. She even took my husband's glasses and then, a year later, set them on the kitchen counter -- next to her purse. She has other sporadic behaviors as well.

I'm struggling to be understanding about kleptomania, knowing that it's a mental illness. I don't want to lose my personal belongings or my relationships!

We're no longer comfortable having Janine in our home. I'm reluctant to talk to her about it because she can be combative and defensive. Is it socially acceptable to bring up this behavior with our mutual friends, or should we keep our mouths shut? -- TESTED IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR TESTED: If you are sure that Janine has kleptomania, it would be a kindness to caution your mutual friends about it so they can protect their belongings. I would certainly want to know if I were inviting her to my home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a girl I met in high school and went with for a year. We both went our separate ways for a couple of years because I moved far away with my family. We started college in different states, but got back together over spring break a year ago. This year we got pinned to each other. However, even though we are committed to each other, because we are so far apart, we agreed we would go out on dates and socialize until we are engaged.

After a few months, I found out she had gone home with a co-worker after work when he offered to fix her dinner. Dinner led to wine and more than a few drinks, and then to kissing, fondling, etc. I was extremely hurt when she confessed it to me, and now I'm not sure I can trust her or if there are other things going on. We still plan to get engaged when the time is right, but should I believe she'll be faithful and truthful, or should I find someone else I know I can trust? -- LET DOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LET DOWN: Give her props for being honest with you about the kissing and fondling, but before making up your mind, clarify exactly what the "etc." means. You should also make sure you have a clear definition about what "socializing" means. (There is socializing and then there is socializing.) If your definitions don't line up, then break up.

DEAR ABBY: My mother committed to going to my son's first College National Honor Society induction ceremony. My brother's wife's grandmother passed away, and her wake/funeral is the same day. My mother backed out of her commitment to my son and is now going to the wake/funeral. Should I feel angry that she did this? Which event should she commit to? -- HURT IN THE EAST

DEAR HURT: Calm down. You stated that this will be your son's "first" induction into the National Honor Society, which implies that there may be more. Your mother will have but one opportunity to pay respects to her in-law, which is why she changed her plans. Accept it.

DEAR ABBY: My son was married eight months ago. He and I were close but had problems in the past. His bride left me out of the wedding pictures. It began at the bridal shower, when I noticed she didn't want me to be in the pictures. Until that point I thought I was close to her. It was very hurtful.

They had planned a destination wedding, which only my brother and I were able to attend from my son's side of the family. It was a nine-day cruise to the Bahamas. At the wedding dinner, I was not seated with my son. Her parents were seated at the table along with friends of her parents. I was very upset and left the dinner.

The next day, I told my son I was upset when I found I was excluded from his table. He said I had overreacted and to get over it. The rest of the cruise was just a blur for me. I didn't enjoy myself, nor was I included in any plans the group had made. I was told later that because I had overreacted, my son didn't want to accommodate me in any way. This has put a strain on our relationship.

They are now expecting a child, and I'm told if I want to be a part of my grandbaby's life, I must apologize to my daughter-in-law and her family. What would you do? -- PEEVED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR PEEVED: If I wanted to be a part of my grandbaby's life, I would apologize, although I can understand why you would have been upset that you and your brother were excluded from the head table during the first dinner.

However, if I didn't want to be blackmailed, I would keep my mouth shut and go my own way, spending time only with people who treat me with kindness and respect -- neither of which it appears you received on that nightmare cruise.

DEAR ABBY: I am in high school, and there's a boy I see for at least an hour every day. About six months ago, I developed feelings for him. I've had crushes before, but nothing like this. It is all-consuming. I never thought I would feel this way until I met him. However, he has a girlfriend who seems to like him a lot, and the feeling is obviously mutual.

Now, let's be clear: I am NOT looking to break them up. I see they are very happy together, and I would never try to get in the way of that. I just feel trapped. I have tried not being around him. I tried switching classes. Nothing works. I just want to know how to move on from him. -- HELPLESS IN HIGH SCHOOL

DEAR HELPLESS: It might help to focus on the fact that spring is here, the school year will be over very soon and you may not be exposed to this boy on a daily basis in the fall. In the meantime, stay busy. Concentrate on your studies, sports and social activities. The more people you meet, the greater the chances you will find someone who is equally attractive and unattached.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s, and a few years ago my mother divorced my stepfather. They were married for 17 years, and I grew up with him in the house for most of my life. After my sister was born, his behavior toward me changed to the point that in high school I spent most of my free time elsewhere to avoid his passive-aggressive behavior toward me.

Now that he and Mom are no longer together, he has been contacting me wanting to spend time with me. I feel awkward spending time with him because he acts like we were best friends when I was growing up. If I try to politely get out of it, he makes dramatic comments about no one caring if he lives or dies.

I would like to cut him out of my life and avoid the stress he causes me, but I'm afraid it will cause a rift between me and my sister, who had a great relationship with him and is always trying to get me to talk to him. I also know if I try to cut him out, he will start harassing my sister, and she doesn't need that while she's going to college. Should I stick it out for her? -- WANTING TO END TUG-OF-WAR

DEAR WANTING: Have a conversation with your half-sister and explain that when you were growing up you didn't have the same kind of relationship with her father that she did. Tell her you hope this won't cause any problems between the two of you because you know she loves him, but that for the sake of your own mental health, you intend to avoid him and the unpleasant memories he evokes as much as possible. If you are thrown together for some occasions, at least there will be others around to buffer the contact.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my husband has been sending money to family and friends behind my back. He constantly sends money to his adult daughter who plays him like a fiddle.

It isn't large amounts, but I have two issues with it. When it's time to pay bills, I end up paying more than my share because he doesn't have the money (we split our budget a while ago). Also, when I have asked if he has been doing this, he lies to my face.

This isn't the first time he has lied to me, and I don't know how to move past it. Last time, it was about drugs. I was ready to walk away because therapy helped me see that the problem wasn't me, but then we worked on it. Now it's about money.

I love him and would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but if there's anything I can't stand it's a liar. What should I do? -- LIED TO IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR LIED TO: You should not be paying more than your share of the bills. It isn't fair to you. By paying other people's bills, your husband is enabling them to remain dependent upon him -- and you. Call the therapist who helped you the last time. It appears you have more work to do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a picnic at my house. I invited the old man next door, and now he has taken it upon himself to invite other neighbors. What am I supposed to do? -- DISCONCERTED IN THE EAST

DEAR DISCONCERTED: The old man next door has a lot of nerve. You have several choices. Tell him to uninvite the people he invited to your picnic, do it yourself or roll over and let him take advantage of your hospitality.