DEAR ABBY: My son was married eight months ago. He and I were close but had problems in the past. His bride left me out of the wedding pictures. It began at the bridal shower, when I noticed she didn't want me to be in the pictures. Until that point I thought I was close to her. It was very hurtful.

They had planned a destination wedding, which only my brother and I were able to attend from my son's side of the family. It was a nine-day cruise to the Bahamas. At the wedding dinner, I was not seated with my son. Her parents were seated at the table along with friends of her parents. I was very upset and left the dinner.

The next day, I told my son I was upset when I found I was excluded from his table. He said I had overreacted and to get over it. The rest of the cruise was just a blur for me. I didn't enjoy myself, nor was I included in any plans the group had made. I was told later that because I had overreacted, my son didn't want to accommodate me in any way. This has put a strain on our relationship.

They are now expecting a child, and I'm told if I want to be a part of my grandbaby's life, I must apologize to my daughter-in-law and her family. What would you do? -- PEEVED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR PEEVED: If I wanted to be a part of my grandbaby's life, I would apologize, although I can understand why you would have been upset that you and your brother were excluded from the head table during the first dinner.

However, if I didn't want to be blackmailed, I would keep my mouth shut and go my own way, spending time only with people who treat me with kindness and respect -- neither of which it appears you received on that nightmare cruise.

DEAR ABBY: I am in high school, and there's a boy I see for at least an hour every day. About six months ago, I developed feelings for him. I've had crushes before, but nothing like this. It is all-consuming. I never thought I would feel this way until I met him. However, he has a girlfriend who seems to like him a lot, and the feeling is obviously mutual.

Now, let's be clear: I am NOT looking to break them up. I see they are very happy together, and I would never try to get in the way of that. I just feel trapped. I have tried not being around him. I tried switching classes. Nothing works. I just want to know how to move on from him. -- HELPLESS IN HIGH SCHOOL

DEAR HELPLESS: It might help to focus on the fact that spring is here, the school year will be over very soon and you may not be exposed to this boy on a daily basis in the fall. In the meantime, stay busy. Concentrate on your studies, sports and social activities. The more people you meet, the greater the chances you will find someone who is equally attractive and unattached.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s, and a few years ago my mother divorced my stepfather. They were married for 17 years, and I grew up with him in the house for most of my life. After my sister was born, his behavior toward me changed to the point that in high school I spent most of my free time elsewhere to avoid his passive-aggressive behavior toward me.

Now that he and Mom are no longer together, he has been contacting me wanting to spend time with me. I feel awkward spending time with him because he acts like we were best friends when I was growing up. If I try to politely get out of it, he makes dramatic comments about no one caring if he lives or dies.

I would like to cut him out of my life and avoid the stress he causes me, but I'm afraid it will cause a rift between me and my sister, who had a great relationship with him and is always trying to get me to talk to him. I also know if I try to cut him out, he will start harassing my sister, and she doesn't need that while she's going to college. Should I stick it out for her? -- WANTING TO END TUG-OF-WAR

DEAR WANTING: Have a conversation with your half-sister and explain that when you were growing up you didn't have the same kind of relationship with her father that she did. Tell her you hope this won't cause any problems between the two of you because you know she loves him, but that for the sake of your own mental health, you intend to avoid him and the unpleasant memories he evokes as much as possible. If you are thrown together for some occasions, at least there will be others around to buffer the contact.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my husband has been sending money to family and friends behind my back. He constantly sends money to his adult daughter who plays him like a fiddle.

It isn't large amounts, but I have two issues with it. When it's time to pay bills, I end up paying more than my share because he doesn't have the money (we split our budget a while ago). Also, when I have asked if he has been doing this, he lies to my face.

This isn't the first time he has lied to me, and I don't know how to move past it. Last time, it was about drugs. I was ready to walk away because therapy helped me see that the problem wasn't me, but then we worked on it. Now it's about money.

I love him and would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but if there's anything I can't stand it's a liar. What should I do? -- LIED TO IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR LIED TO: You should not be paying more than your share of the bills. It isn't fair to you. By paying other people's bills, your husband is enabling them to remain dependent upon him -- and you. Call the therapist who helped you the last time. It appears you have more work to do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a picnic at my house. I invited the old man next door, and now he has taken it upon himself to invite other neighbors. What am I supposed to do? -- DISCONCERTED IN THE EAST

DEAR DISCONCERTED: The old man next door has a lot of nerve. You have several choices. Tell him to uninvite the people he invited to your picnic, do it yourself or roll over and let him take advantage of your hospitality.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, I had an affair with a married man. We eventually married and have had a long, happy life together. It was love at first sight for me. Both of us had children with our former spouses.

Since no one knows about our affair, I'm wondering what I should do with our love letters and the poems we wrote to each other over those five years. Neither of us wants to hurt our children or grandchildren nor be remembered negatively after our deaths. It would certainly shock them all. However, there is much information in these letters that might give insight into why we both wanted divorces so we could marry. We are getting along in years, so please advise. -- WONDERING IN TEXAS

DEAR WONDERING: I see nothing to be gained by sharing these letters and poems. You and your husband have had a long and happy union. Because nobody knows about the affair and no questions have been raised about your earlier marriages, I see nothing positive about disclosing that information after your death.

DEAR ABBY: We recently received an invitation to a party for our child's fifth-grade graduation class. The host is charging $15 per adult and $10 per fifth-grade child ("children under 5 are free"). The invitation also states that spaces are limited and we need to book our attendance with a payment method in advance.

My husband and I think this is very tacky. In addition to that, we find it poor form that this is being billed as the "party of the year" with "limited seating" for our child's class. What are we teaching our children these days? Is it a popularity contest? Is it that the kids from economically challenged homes are not welcome in our homes? What do you make of this? -- UNEASY IN MARYLAND

DEAR UNEASY: I think the amount is excessive. What I make of it is that the entire class is being invited to celebrate the occasion, but the parents who are organizing the event have decided to turn it into a profit-making venture. If this doesn't sit well with you, skip the party and plan to do something privately with your child.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a branch of a large company that puts out a candy dish for our customers. A woman from another building (different company not related to us) often cuts through our office to get to the main street and other businesses. When she comes through, she ransacks our candy dishes, looking for a couple of specific types of candy. It happens on a daily basis! We even gave her a "Christmas gift" hoping to satisfy her candy cravings. She brought the gift container back to us (empty) for next Christmas! How do we stop this behavior without being rude? -- SWEET TOOTH IN THE EAST

DEAR SWEET TOOTH: It is not rude to draw the line when someone crosses it. The next time the woman raids the candy dish, the person nearest to it should tell her plainly it is intended for customers only! As for that candy container she returned, toss it. Giving her a present for "stealing" was a mistake, so don't perpetuate it.