DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s, and a few years ago my mother divorced my stepfather. They were married for 17 years, and I grew up with him in the house for most of my life. After my sister was born, his behavior toward me changed to the point that in high school I spent most of my free time elsewhere to avoid his passive-aggressive behavior toward me.
Now that he and Mom are no longer together, he has been contacting me wanting to spend time with me. I feel awkward spending time with him because he acts like we were best friends when I was growing up. If I try to politely get out of it, he makes dramatic comments about no one caring if he lives or dies.
I would like to cut him out of my life and avoid the stress he causes me, but I'm afraid it will cause a rift between me and my sister, who had a great relationship with him and is always trying to get me to talk to him. I also know if I try to cut him out, he will start harassing my sister, and she doesn't need that while she's going to college. Should I stick it out for her? -- WANTING TO END TUG-OF-WAR
DEAR WANTING: Have a conversation with your half-sister and explain that when you were growing up you didn't have the same kind of relationship with her father that she did. Tell her you hope this won't cause any problems between the two of you because you know she loves him, but that for the sake of your own mental health, you intend to avoid him and the unpleasant memories he evokes as much as possible. If you are thrown together for some occasions, at least there will be others around to buffer the contact.