DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a woman for a year, and everything seemed pretty sweet. She told me when we met that trust is important to her as she has had issues in past relationships, including with her ex-husband, who was seeing an ex without disclosing it to her.

This week I saw a series of texts pop up on her phone from someone I have never heard her mention. When I asked about it, she said they were from an "old friend." I found it troubling and asked her more about it. She then mentioned she had been in a romantic relationship with him many years ago. She also disclosed that the text exchange was started because she told him (via text) that she had dreamed about him the night before.

She assured me her dream was not romantic or of a sexual nature, and her intent in reaching out wasn't romantic. Despite this, my suspicion meter has gone through the roof, and I'm having a hard time trusting her story. I find this especially baffling given her history. Am I overreacting? -- LESS TRUSTFUL NOW

DEAR LESS TRUSTFUL: If everything has been going well in your relationship with this woman for a year, why are you looking at text messages that pop up on her phone? Although not all people would text an ex about his/her appearance in a dream, she can text whomever she wishes, and she shouldn't have to account to you for it.

The two of you need to have a serious conversation about the parameters of your relationship. The problem may be your insecurity, and if you are going to have a successful outcome with anyone, you had better learn to control it.

DEAR ABBY: My stepfather, "Ron," and my mother finalized their divorce a month ago. He has been part of my life for 19 years, since I was 10. He was a grandfather to my two boys, and because he adopted me when I was 17, I took his last name.

My problem is that two years ago, when Ron left Mom, he cut off all contact with me and my boys. No calls, texts, messages. Nothing! I am still coming to terms with all of it, and it's hard to explain to my 7-year-old where his grandfather is.

Ron was a father to me after my biological father passed away. It's painful to think that he may not have loved me or my boys like I thought he did.

How can a father/grandfather do that so easily? What's worse is his children (my step-siblings) have also cut us off. I have no idea why.

My husband thinks I should contact him, but I don't think I should have to beg someone to be in my life, especially if it's a parent/child situation. What are your thoughts? Any guidance would be appreciated. -- LEFT IN THE DARK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LEFT: Ron may think that because he and your mother are no longer married, your loyalties lie with her and you don't want him in your life. I agree with your husband. Reach out to him and your step-siblings. Tell them you and your children love them and still want them to be part of your lives. They may need the reassurance. And if they still prefer to have no contact, you will know you did everything possible to keep the relationships intact.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26. My mom recently got my boyfriend sent to jail. We met six months ago. After a month, he started verbally abusing me, which progressed to physical abuse. Each time I was sure I was about to die.

He is now locked up for kidnapping, false imprisonment and aggravated assault. Mom had had enough of hearing about the abuse and took matters into her own hands. I didn't want her to call the police because I don't feel jail is right for people except killers.

I understand she wanted to protect me because I kept going back, but now I cry every day worrying about if he is safe in jail and wondering how he's feeling. Everybody around me is saying I don't need to worry about him because he didn't care about how he made me feel. I think it's heartless to say that.

When he got arrested, I was in awful pain with my neck and back, but all I could think about was him. People are telling me I need counseling, but I don't think it will help, because at the end of the day I will still think about him and worry about him.

I don't think the cops and my mom took into consideration how this would affect me mentally. I'm depressed and can't stop wondering if my boyfriend is OK because I'm a really good and nice person, and it sucks. I am going to go to counseling because I know I need to do it, but Abby, how do I eventually not think about him and his well-being and be heartless like him? -- HAVING A HARD TIME IN GEORGIA

DEAR HARD TIME: I believe you are a good and nice person, but you are also one who is very mixed up right now. If you think your abuser loved you, you are mistaken. Men who treat women the way he treated you not only don't love women, they don't even like them. Had your mother not done what she did, you could be dead.

If you want an example of what love is, love is doing something to help your daughter, knowing it may alienate her forever, but doing it anyway to save her life. I'm pleased you have agreed to counseling because you need it very much. After you have gone for a while, your emotional dependence on your abuser will dissipate. He is exactly where he belongs, and you need to get on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. We had been trying to have a baby for six years, and we were over the moon excited. We waited 12 weeks to tell any friends or family, but we ended up having complications and losing our little one at 22 weeks.

My problem is some of our friends. I'm sure they mean well, but they continue to ask if we are trying again or if I'm expecting, and some keep insisting that I'm pregnant and that I should take a pregnancy test. It's soul crushing. What can I say when they ask me next time that will stop them from asking in the future? We will certainly tell them when it happens, but I don't want to discuss it until then. -- CHANGING THE SUBJECT

DEAR CHANGING: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. The most appropriate way to handle these intrusive and insensitive questions (and comments) would be to tell them exactly what you told me in the last sentence of your letter and repeat it as necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Joe," and I have been married 45 years, and he drives me nuts! I have asked him countless times to use better table manners, speak proper English and treat others with respect. I'm not asking for perfection. I know I'm not perfect, but if someone pointed out something I was doing incorrectly or that embarrassed someone, I'd change what I was doing.

Besides asking nicely, which I always do as to not belittle Joe, what can I do? It's hard to ignore! -- NOTHING CHANGES IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOTHING: After 45 years you should have come to the realization that you cannot change another person. For the sake of your sanity, learn to change the way you react to your husband's poor table manners and bad English. Because he's a sloppy eater, consider eating with him less often. Because his grammar isn't up to par, try to remember that you married him this way and he managed to get the words "I do" out well enough to satisfy the officiant.

As to his disrespect for other people, the next time it happens, don't ask him to cut it out, TELL him!

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who recently got married at the courthouse. Her parents were willing to host a wedding for her, but she chose not to have one since she and her husband live far from her hometown.

About a month after the wedding, I received a card in the mail announcing that she had gotten married, stating she and her husband are trying to buy a house and gift cards to start their new life would be appreciated. Abby, isn't it out of line for someone to ask for gifts when they didn't have a wedding and didn't tell anyone about their elopement until afterward? Several of my friends eloped, and I was never asked to send a gift. Was this rude, or is it normal behavior for people who do not have a wedding? -- NORMAL OR NOT? IN COLORADO

DEAR N. OR N.: This is not normal behavior. It's a gift grab, and you are not obligated to send this couple anything beyond your good wishes. To request gifts is a serious breach of etiquette. Had you contacted her and asked if there was anything they needed, telling you then would have been appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in 6th grade. My best friend hates a girl in our class. She toilet-papered her house, posted mean signs, threw eggs onto the family's car and dumped shampoo in their mailbox. I'm really uncomfortable with what she did. She's nice to me, though. What do I do? -- FRIEND ISSUE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND ISSUE: Although your friend may dislike the classmate, she did not have the right to damage the family's property. What she has been doing is called vandalism, and it is against the law. That it makes you uncomfortable shows you have a conscience. If you are smart -- and I think you are -- spend less time with her. I say this because a person like her could easily turn on you.