DEAR ABBY: I cannot stand my husband's sister. She thinks way too much of herself. She "had" to get married to a foreigner (who NEVER works), and her three grown sons still live at home and don't work or go to school. She works several odd jobs to support the lazy men in her life.

She's 53, but she was always rebellious and a hell-raiser. At family events she dresses like a streetwalker. My poor husband was embarrassed at the last family wedding because she was so scantily dressed and looking for attention. It about kills me and my children whenever she comes over to our house with her drugged-out husband. She is rude to me and makes backhanded comments.

I can't believe that after all these years, I still tolerate this garbage. I'd love to end these get-togethers, but how do I do it, because she's "family"? -- FED UP SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR FED UP: It shouldn't be all that hard to accomplish. Tell your husband that because of the way his sister has treated you all these years, you are finally drawing the line. You no longer want her (or her drugged-up husband) in your home. If they drop by unexpectedly, tell them you can't entertain them right then and suggest that in the future they call before showing up.

At family functions you must attend, limit your exposure to her. Be polite but concentrate on other relatives whose company you do enjoy. You can't control her mouth or what she wears, but you can choose to ignore the woman, and that's what I recommend.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Bad Idea," (Dec. 15), the parents who don't want their daughter to join the Peace Corps for fear she will return only to mooch off them until she's gainfully employed again.

I agree they should voice their concerns to her before she goes, but you missed an opportunity to educate your readers. Yes, she is putting a lucrative career on hold, but she is doing it to serve her country. I doubt your response would have been the same had she been leaving her job for a military career.

The Peace Corps will train her to work in a developing nation where she will be sharing her expertise and American goodwill with others while learning a new language and culture. She will gain compassion, understanding and a world view that will influence her decisions for the rest of her life. She will learn that success is not just about the almighty dollar; it's more about finding meaningful work you enjoy and can be proud of.

Although the Peace Corps is a volunteer organization, volunteers do receive a stipend upon completion of their service so they can ease back into the American workforce without a handout from Mom and Dad. And by the way, I nailed every job interview upon my return from my years of service because I had something unique and interesting to bring to the table. -- RETURNED PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER (SWAZILAND 1980-82)

DEAR VOLUNTEER: Volunteerism is a boon to our society as well as other societies who benefit from it. Almost 25 percent of Americans volunteer their time and talents at one time or another. Many readers besides you wrote describing the satisfaction they have derived in addition to what they learned while working in the Peace Corps. I hope your letter will allay the parents' fears.

DEAR ABBY: I've only had one boyfriend. For most of my childhood, he was my best friend. When we were 14, I got scared we might fight, break up and never forgive each other, so I told him I wanted to go back to being just friends without explaining why. In retrospect, I know how stupid it was, but when I was 14 it made perfect sense. When I said it, he got angry, but more than angry he was very hurt. I never saw him again.

My problem is, I haven't been able to put myself in a relationship since. Sometimes he resurfaces in my dreams. When it happens I always feel happy "seeing" him again. I don't know what to do about this nagging feeling and how I put off a love life because of it.

It's more than a decade later. He has probably changed so much and would want nothing to do with me, so I think it's better to leave him be. But I'd like to talk to the person he is now, whoever that is. Is there a way I can solve this? -- NERVOUS ROMANTIC

DEAR NERVOUS ROMANTIC: Yes. If you know where he is, contact him and tell him you would like to talk privately with him. Explain what happened so many years ago and see if he is willing to hear you out. And please stop beating yourself up over what happened when you were 14, because it was normal teenage behavior.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 50. All my life I have known I didn't want kids, and I have had to deal with people who can't understand it. I have now reached the point where I can hardly wait until I'm 55 so I can live in a child-free senior living development.

The problem is, my partner is 10 years younger than I am. He won't be able to move there when/if I do, so I'll have to wait another 10 years to live in peace. I don't want to break up with him, but I may have to. What is your take on the situation? -- OVER-55 ONLY

DEAR OVER-55: My "take" is that not all couples are exactly the same age, and if one partner qualifies to live in senior housing, his or her partner will not be excluded. My advice is to start researching retirement communities so you fully understand what the requirements and restrictions are before deciding to move there, with or without your partner.

DEAR ABBY: I know that you are all about good manners, but I think one current practice has gone WAY too far. When I sneeze, I get loud "bless you's" from neighbors down the street or co-workers in the next room. I am not religious, and I find it offensive. These "blessers" have been indoctrinated in a 600-year-old religious practice designed to prevent the plague from jumping into the sneezer's body. When someone passes gas or burps, the "excuse me's" are often more offensive than the act -- no longer the demure "pardon me" of the past.

Sneezes, gas and burps are all natural parts of life. Can't we just let them be, without making them special? -- OFFENDED OUT WEST

DEAR OFFENDED: You can. All you have to do is tell your neighbors and co-workers your attitude about their thoughtfulness, and I am sure they will refrain. In droves.

P.S. Having to say this to every "blesser" you encounter may be a very tall order, so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of nearly five years and I have been at odds during most of our relationship. We have had religious-based disagreements, arguments over my not giving him enough affection, his not providing financially, possible cheating on his part, and his wanting me to have a better relationship with his mother.

For about a year he has been pressuring me to stop taking birth control pills. I was always adamant about taking them because I do not want to be pregnant before marriage. He claims I am "playing God," and "I don't know the potential harm the pills cause." I don't think the pills are harming me, and I feel I can do with my body what I please.

When he told me to stop taking birth control, I asked, "When are you going to propose?" He says he'll marry me once I trust him enough to stop taking the pills and believe he'll step up to the plate.

I trust that he wants to be with me, but I can't help but feel he wants me to go against my morals and values and get pregnant before marriage. I see a life for myself, and he doesn't seem to fit in my vision. I know no one is perfect, but I can't help but feel we clash on too many issues. Should I be more positive and look at the good things in our relationship and try to ignore the negative? -- YOUNG PENNSYLVANIA WOMAN

DEAR WOMAN: If you see a life for yourself beyond this relationship, make up your mind to start living it NOW. Your boyfriend wants you to stop taking birth control pills because once you're pregnant (oops!) you will be tied to him for life, like it or not.

Step back. View this for a moment from my perspective: Here is someone with whom you have religious-based disagreements, who doesn't pull his weight financially, whom you can't trust not to cheat, and who will bring with him a guaranteed mother-in-law problem. It's time to do what you should have done years ago. Recognize that you can do much better than this and get out of there.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in Washington state. My son and his family live in South Carolina. I have decided I want to move close to my son and grandchildren. My husband doesn't want to move there. He has never been to South Carolina, but he has preconceived notions about what the people are like and has decided he wants to stay on the West Coast.

I know what would make me happier, but I'd feel guilty about leaving my husband. We have been married 27 years. (He is my second husband; my first died when we were 36.) My son is from my first marriage.

I need some objective advice. Am I being selfish? Is it wrong for me to want to move to be with my family? -- GUILTY ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR GUILTY: You are with your family -- your husband. Have you explored how your son and his wife would feel about you pulling up stakes and moving there alone? If you haven't, you should, because they may not be comfortable feeling responsible for you and being your only social outlet.

Since you asked, I think it would be foolish to sacrifice a marriage (I assume a happy one) that has lasted more than a quarter of a century. It's possible that you could visit your son and grandchildren several times a year without jettisoning your spouse, and because planes fly both ways, they could visit the two of you as well.