life

Going to Prom Alone Leaves Teen Odd Girl Out at Table

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 23rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school junior, and my school's prom is coming up. I don't have a date. I completely understand that I don't need a date for prom to have fun. However, within my group of friends, we are organizing who will sit at our 18-person table, and I'm the only dateless person at our table, which means I'm the odd one out (eight couples plus me for a total of 17 seats filled).

I know I should try to have fun even if I'm the only one by myself, but the situation makes me feel so alone. I asked two different guys if they wanted to go with me: One ended up going with a different girl and will be sitting at our table. The other didn't want to go with me.

How should I handle this situation and be able to have fun at prom, even though I'll be sticking out as the only person in our entire group who couldn't manage to find someone to go with -- even as a friend? -- ANONYMOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I understand why you would feel alone under these circumstances, but the truth is you won't be alone. You will be attending the prom with 16 friends. If you concentrate on that, you CAN have a good time hearing music you enjoy, surrounded by friends who are supportive and dancing if you wish to.

Friends & NeighborsWork & SchoolTeens
life

Relationship Is Drowned Out by Woman's Telephone Addiction

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 23rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My partner is addicted to the phone. One day last week she spent seven hours talking to friends. There is one friend in particular she spends upwards of two hours a day talking to. On weekends they often talk three times in one day.

This happens hour after hour, and her friend loves to call at 6 in the evening, meaning we often don't eat until well after 7. Last week I clocked her at 16 hours on the phone with just this one woman. Do I have a problem here? Or does she? -- CALLING OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR CALLING: You both have a problem. Hers is her addiction to her phone. Yours is the inability to convey to her that what she's doing deprives you of sharing dinners together on a regular schedule, and robs you of time that could be spent communicating with each other. And that presents a danger to your relationship.

Love & DatingAddiction
life

Dad With Young Family Misses Spending Time With Himself

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 23rd, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old married man with two kids. They are 4 and 1 years old. I love my little family, and there has been a lot of "newness" to my life over the past few years.

My issue is that I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my identity. I no longer go out with friends because I feel guilty leaving my wife home alone with the kids. I also work a lot, so many nights I come home late and just crash. I have thought about taking a weekend trip alone to sort of reconnect with myself and get some things done, but would that be selfish? -- IDENTITY LOSS

DEAR IDENTITY LOSS: It wouldn't be selfish if you gave your wife the opportunity to take a similar sanity break when she feels the need. Or better yet, find a trusted baby sitter and the two of you go together.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Dad Ignores Lice Infestation Found in Daughter's Hair

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 22nd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I take care of two girls. I have never asked for money from their dad. Because they are poor, I go to great lengths to make sure they get the same advantages as everyone else.

I took the girls to the hair salon because I wanted them to feel pretty. When it was the youngest girl's turn, the stylist found lice in her hair! She was at what they call an "infestation period." After that it's an infection and then baldness.

I went to their father and asked about the lice. He knew the entire time that she had lice and did not warn me or my family. Abby, he knowingly put my loved ones at risk! He isn't a good parent and doesn't make the youngest shower or take lice treatments. I know he doesn't care about the lice, so he's probably making her go to school despite the lice policy. What should I do? -- INFESTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INFESTED: Among the "joys" of parenting is ensuring that one's children practice proper hygiene and their medical problems are treated. Father of the year this man isn't.

Of course he should have warned you so you could caution your children. He should also be watching his children more closely to be sure they shower regularly. Keep an eye on him, because he may be neglecting his girls in other ways. Could he be unaware that a head lice infestation can be treated? Because you are concerned about the girls' welfare, perhaps the school should be alerted.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, as many as 12 million lice infestations occur in the United States each year, and they are NOT caused by poor hygiene. While they may be inconvenient and cause severe itching, the condition is treatable, and they do not generally cause baldness.

According to kidshealth.org, head lice are "spread mainly through head-to-head contact, but sharing clothing, bed linens, combs, brushes and hats also can pass them along. Kids are most prone to catching lice because they tend to have close physical contact with each other and share personal items."

Work & SchoolHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Child Abandoned as a Baby Hears News of Mother's Illness

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 22nd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm the product of my father's infidelity. My mother, who was 19, abandoned me. My grandmother took me in and raised me. I grew up very poor, but I made it. I got my college education plus a master's degree.

Actually, I think my biological mother did me a favor by leaving me because she's not a good person. She is now very ill, with only months to live. One of my half-sisters contacted me last night to let me know.

I don't hate her. I just do not feel anything for her. I'm 50 now, and she has never been a part of my life. I'm not sure if I should go and see her before she dies. -- UNSURE OF IT

DEAR UNSURE OF IT: Your half-sister may have contacted you to give you closure before your mother dies, or because your mother asked her to. If you have any questions you would like answered, you should go. Having never met your mother, I can't judge whether she's "not a good person" or simply someone who made terrible decisions and got on the wrong path when she was still a teenager. And I'm not sure you should judge her either, until after you have had a conversation with her.

DeathFamily & Parenting
life

Friend Sees Too Much Risk in Monitoring Home Remodel

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 21st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: For several years, my husband and I were good friends with "Pam" and "David." About a year ago, we moved to a new house just a few blocks from theirs. They decided they liked some of the features of our new home and immediately started remodeling theirs to resemble ours.

Pam and David both work and I am retired, so Dave asked if I would go to their home throughout the day, while several workmen did this extensive remodel. I refused, saying I wasn't comfortable alone in someone else's house with a bunch of strangers milling about, not to mention the responsibility if something was broken or stolen. (The company wasn't bonded. They are just random guys doing side jobs.)

Long story short, David was extremely offended that I declined and no longer speaks to us. He has shunned other friends for lesser things since then. I'm still friendly with Pam, but I can't help feeling that deep down she resents me, too, and thinks I should have done it because we are good friends.

Was I wrong to refuse, Abby? Should I have done it to keep the friendship, even though I wasn't comfortable? -- RESENTFUL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR RESENTFUL: I not only don't think you were wrong, I think you made a wise decision, and for the right reason. If anything had gone wrong with the remodel or one of the laborers was less than honest, the blame would have fallen squarely on you. Add to that the fact that Dave drops people he feels let him down for any reason, and you have a recipe for disaster.

If Pam resents you for protecting yourself, she may not be as good a friend as you assume she is. True friends should be able to say no when it's warranted, and true friends accept a refusal with good grace.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Forgiveness Hinges on Apology From Misbehaving Nephew

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 21st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to "choose" to forgive someone? My 20-year-old nephew recently turned his life around. He has a good job, a nice girlfriend and a baby on the way. But when he and my sister were living with my late mother a few years ago, he trashed Mom's basement (where he was living), and it cost her hundreds of dollars to repair the damage. He also stole money from her and once threatened my life. He smoked and drank as a teen, quit school, and did nothing more than play video games.

I'm glad he has changed his ways, but he has never apologized for the way he treated us. It seems I'm expected by everyone to forgive and forget, but I can't. Please don't suggest counseling. He wouldn't go.

I don't want to be estranged from his girlfriend and my great-nephew, but I have no interest in engaging with him unless he makes amends for his past behavior. My sister always seemed oblivious to his bad behavior. In her eyes, her son can do no wrong. Is there any way to reconcile his particular past with the present? -- STILL ANGRY IN MINNESOTA

DEAR STILL ANGRY: Yes, it is possible to choose to forgive. But it doesn't appear that your nephew has completely turned his life around. Part of growing up is becoming a responsible individual. Making amends for past misdeeds is a part of that process your nephew seems to have skipped.

If you would like to have a relationship with his girlfriend and their child, nothing prevents it. But it doesn't mean you must have amnesia about the way you and your mother were treated by your nephew. Talk to him about this so you can get the closure you are seeking.

MoneyFamily & Parenting

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