DEAR ABBY: My niece (age 25), despite numerous warnings against getting pregnant, deliberately did three years ago. This was a result of an affair with a man who is in a live-in relationship with another woman.

My niece ended up in the hospital and had to have some serious surgeries. She lost her job and moved in with my sister and her husband. She's working again, but she and her daughter still live with my sister because she doesn't earn enough to support them (and gets no help from the father). She has recently announced that she's pregnant again by this same man!

My sister says she feels compelled to support my niece because she is concerned about her grandchild(ren). How do the rest of us "opt out," without seeming mean or judgmental? I feel sorry for the strain this is putting on my sister, but she keeps asking family members to help out as she is only working part-time and her husband is on disability. I don't feel it is our responsibility to keep supporting this self-centered, irresponsible adult. HELP, please! -- AUNTIE NO MORE

DEAR AUNTIE: Unless you and the rest of the family want to support your niece and all the children she may have, draw the line. Tell your sister that "the family" will chip in one more time, but the money must be used so she and her daughter can consult a lawyer about how to compel the deadbeat dad to assume his responsibilities toward his children. There are also state child support enforcement agencies that can help her.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating my next-door neighbor two years ago. We have known each other for 17 years. We hit it off, and after about a month he was spending every night with me. He's 72 and retired; I'm 55 and work full time. We have a great relationship, but I feel he is stalling about marrying me.

In the beginning, he said if we were together after one year we would talk about selling one or both of our houses and having just one. It hasn't happened. I make his breakfast each morning. Then I go to work and he goes to his house. He comes back at lunch to let my dogs out. When I get home at 5, he comes over and I cook supper. (He does buy some groceries and will start dinner every once in a while.) He then stays until I leave for work the next day. And he's here every weekend, too. He does go home to shower.

I think after two years he should know whether he wants to marry me or not. His last divorce was 20 years ago, and mine was seven years ago. I love him, and he says he isn't putting me off, he just wishes I could be "patient." I think it's stupid to have two houses when he stays with me every night. I pay my own bills, and he pays his. Do you think I'm wasting my time with him? -- READY FOR CHANGE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR READY: Whether you are wasting your time remains to be seen. After two years I don't think you are being "impatient" to want a commitment from him. That's why you both need to have a serious, lay-it-on-the-line discussion about what your goals are. If marriage isn't one of his, he should let you know NOW.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Blanche" and her husband moved to the small town where my husband and I settled 23 years ago. Blanche is 11 years older than I am. My husband and I like our space, but we do spend time with them. They are retired, but we are still working.

Over the past three years they have not made any friends here in town to socialize with. They are now contacting my friends because we don't go out on weekdays and see them multiple times a week. Frankly, it's driving a wedge between all of us -- my family and my friends. I'm very resentful that they can't find their own friends. Am I wrong? -- GO FIND YOUR OWN FRIENDS

DEAR GO FIND: Feeling resentful is a waste of your time and energy. You can't control the social lives of other adults, nor should you expect to. Your sister hasn't kidnapped these individuals, so they must be socializing together willingly. This isn't a competition. Your friends are still your friends. You will be happier if you try harder to quell your insecurity.

DEAR ABBY: I love to cook. It's my passion. Problem is, when I cook for people coming over for dinner, my wife likes to sample the food before they arrive. What really upsets me is when I make a cake or something that needs to be served whole, she cuts into it and it looks like I'm serving leftover food. It's infuriating.

To me, the presentation is important. She couldn't care less. If I mark it "Do Not Eat" or hide the food, then I'm "wrong" or "going too far." Help! -- FOOD FIGHT IN NEW YORK

DEAR F.F.: Of course the presentation is important. Ask yourself why your wife would deliberately do something to ruin the meals you prepare for company. Could it be jealousy that you are the center of attention?

What she's doing is inconsiderate and disrespectful. If she's so hungry she can't control herself, she can make a peanut butter sandwich in an instant, or peel a banana in even less time. Because you must go so far as to hide the dishes you don't want "sampled," then I have to disagree with your Mrs. You are not going too far at all. Put your foot down!

DEAR ABBY: My best friend since childhood, "Jeff," died eight months ago; he was in a 57-year marriage. I have known his still-attractive widow, "Della," since they were newlyweds. I have been divorced for decades.

I have long admired Della at a distance, quietly, out of respect for Jeff. It helped that over the years we lived in different states. I believe she sensed my admiration for her.

How long should I wait before I begin showing my interest in her as a potential partner in our golden years? -- WISHFUL IN THE EAST

DEAR WISHFUL: Did you reach out to Della to express condolences when you learned of Jeff's death? If not, do it now. If she responds, follow up with a phone call -- and possibly a visit to her community and dinner if she's agreeable. Once you are in regular contact with her, you will be able to determine if the interest is mutual.

TO MY IRISH READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day!

"May the most you wish for

"be the least you get.

"May the best times you've ever had

"be the worst you will ever see."

DEAR ABBY: When I first started dating my boyfriend seven years ago, I told him that I wanted to someday adopt a child. He said he would like his own children first, but adoption would be "cool."

We now have two children, 5 and 3, and I'm ready to adopt. We're financially able to support another child, and we both have great careers.

When I recently mentioned adoption to him, he said he has changed his mind and doesn't want to adopt. He says because we have our own children, he wouldn't want the adopted baby to potentially feel like the "odd one out."

Is this something to end an otherwise happy marriage over? Or should I give it one more shot and hope maybe he'll want to adopt? I have wanted to do this since I was a little girl, and it is important to me. -- PRO-ADOPTION IN OHIO

DEAR PRO-ADOPTION: You and your husband may need professional mediation to reach an agreement that will work for both of you. Bringing a child who needs a loving family into your home can be managed if everyone is on the same page with it -- including your biological children.

Your husband may not want the responsibility of another child because he has experienced parenthood twice and knows how much is involved in raising them, but the reason he gave doesn't strike me as valid.

That said, leaving your husband would be no guarantee that you would be in a position to adopt a child alone. There may be other options for you if you want to help children waiting for adoption -- including fostering, mentoring or volunteering with the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column daily and notice that you often suggest readers consult a "nutritionist" for assistance with healthy eating, weight loss, etc.

I have been a registered nurse for almost 50 years, and I would like to point out that the professional to be consulted about nutrition is a registered dietitian. A registered dietitian holds a college degree and usually a higher level degree, and teaches to the American Dietetic Association nutritional standard. This is an important distinction.

A nutritionist can be anybody who says they are one. Registered dietitians do not promote any fad diets and teach proper eating. This is especially important for people with medical diagnoses such as diabetes or heart disease, among others. But the teaching is for anyone who wants information about healthy eating to maintain good health throughout life.

Some dietitians have private offices, but if your readers can't locate one, they should ask their primary doctor so he/she can refer them to one. Or call the nutrition department of their local hospital, as there are often classes that can be attended at the hospital. -- NURSE WHO KNOWS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NURSE: Thank you for taking the time to share this information with my readers. Healthy eating is the basis for healthy living.