life

Teen's Tall Tales of Dating a Star Shock Her Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 5th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl. I have been friends with "Amanda" for two years. She helped me through a really tough time, which is how we became friends.

Recently, she has been going around telling people she is dating someone famous from a band and claiming she gets to hang out with them all the time. It is really stressful.

My other friend and I don't understand why Amanda is doing this. We think it's wrong to tell people these lies. When we have asked her about it, she always gets defensive and lies to us. She blocked my friend and me on Instagram, and that really upset us as well.

We don't know what to do. We know you give great advice, and we hope you can help us with this. -- STRESSED OUT IN IOWA

DEAR STRESSED OUT: People lie for various reasons -- to make others think they are important, popular, smarter or more successful than they really are. Sometimes it works. More often, when the truth comes out, the liar looks foolish and untrustworthy.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to fix Amanda. You tried and it didn't work, so step aside. This is a lesson she will have to learn on her own.

TeensFriends & Neighbors
life

Grandson Skips Out of Memorial to Be First in Line at Reception

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 5th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter invited me to a celebration of life for a schoolmate of hers. Everyone gathered outside at a park pavilion to listen to a minister and friends or family speak about the deceased.

Twenty minutes before the last speaker was done I noticed my 22-year-old grandson had gone inside the building where there was food for everyone. When I asked my daughter where he had gone, she said he had gone to the bathroom. Abby, there were no restrooms in the building.

When the speakers were finished, the minister invited everyone to go inside for food and refreshments. When my daughter and I went inside, there sat my grandson eating away. He was the only person doing so. I asked my daughter why he was eating before everyone had even been invited, and her answer was, "He's a growing boy."

I thought what he did was rude and uncalled for. Am I too old school, or am I out of touch with the new "way"? -- GRANDDAD IN KANSAS

DEAR GRANDDAD: You are not out of touch. Your grandson's behavior was selfish and insensitive. Someone should have mentioned that fact to him. He's not a growing boy. He's an adult with boorish manners.

Etiquette & EthicsDeath
life

Man Has Second Thoughts About Parenthood After Wife Gets Pregnant

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 5th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been trying to have a child for a while now. I am finally pregnant, but he is on the fence about wanting to keep the pregnancy because of the possibility of it being twins. What should I do? -- WORRIED LOVESICK WIFE

DEAR WORRIED: It's a little late for your husband to be waffling. He should have considered this possibility when he put you on the path to motherhood and be grateful if the baby/babies are born healthy. Remind him that regardless of whether there will be one or two bundles of joy, your husband will be responsible until he, she or they are adults. If he can't accept that, then what you should do is marry someone mature and stable enough to accept his responsibilities as a husband the next time around.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Once-Close Sibling Drifts Away After Nephew's Birth

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have always been close to my oldest brother and his wife. I'm 24 years younger than they are. In some ways, I think I was like a child to them because they were never able to have children naturally or through adoption.

Ever since I had my first child two years ago, they have become distant. They skip family occasions and don't send gifts anymore. (I don't care about the material items, but they used to send me very thoughtful gifts.) My brother has gotten angry at me over how I feed my son (I don't give him sweets), and says he will no longer be around me if food is involved. He's late to return emails I send. This hurts immensely.

My brother is a straight shooter. When I asked him if I did something to offend him, he said no, but his behavior suggests otherwise. I feel like by having children, I have lost part of my family. Is there anything I can do? -- SAD SIS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SIS: Because your brother is a "straight shooter," get to the point and tell him you are hurt because of the change in his behavior. Then ask him to explain what's going on. Unless you know for sure what has caused it, there is nothing you can do.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Wife With a Past Is Puzzled by Husband's Indifference

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for two years and everything is great. We rarely fight. The only thing that's bothering me is my husband has never asked me about my past lovers -- never asked how many or any other details. I have had quite a past. He hasn't. I feel bad because I feel like I'm hiding it from him. Should I forget about it, unless he mentions it? Even then, I'm afraid to tell him the real number. -- TORN UP IN THE EAST

DEAR TORN UP: You were entitled to have a life before you met the man you eventually married. These days, most men and women have a past, so please stop flogging yourself with guilt over yours. Your past is over. Concentrate on your present. Your husband obviously loves you exactly the way you are. Your history has made you the person you are.

Sex & GenderLove & DatingMarriage & Divorce
life

Drama Teacher Discovers Forgotten Video of Student Who Died

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I need help. I am a middle school drama teacher. Five years ago, one of my eighth graders and a friend snuck out late at night during a sleepover. While attempting to cross an interstate highway, my student was struck by a car and killed.

A few days ago, as I was clearing space off an old external hard drive, I found a 90-second video of my deceased student doing a play audition a couple of months before her demise. It is a middle close-up (waist to head) and very clear. It's probably one of the last videos of her with such high quality. My question is, five years after her funeral, should I reach out to her parents or would that be too painful for them? -- REACHING OUT

DEAR REACHING OUT: I'm glad you asked. Contact the parents, tell them about your discovery and ask whether they would like to have it. I would be very surprised if they didn't. They will probably regard it as an unexpected gift.

TeensWork & SchoolDeath
life

Pet Turtle's Threat to Baby Is More Than Just a Bite

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 3rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I know a young newlywed couple who just had their first baby. The baby is weeks old and isn't crawling yet. My concern is that they have a box turtle for a pet in their small apartment. They've had the turtle for probably a year and, while it has a cage, they often let it loose in the kitchen. I don't know if it has reign over other parts of the home.

This turtle is at least 8 inches across its shell, and its head is more than an inch long with a half-inch bite. The baby will be crawling this year. I feel the turtle is a threat, and the baby will no doubt be attracted to it and likely try to crawl over and touch it. The turtle's bites are notoriously sharp and likely contaminated, and I'm concerned about the baby losing a finger. Is this a reasonable concern? -- PROTECTOR IN NEVADA

DEAR PROTECTOR: Yes, it is. There is more than one reason for not exposing an infant or toddler (or anyone with a weakened immune system) to a turtle. The risk of a bite isn't the major one. The problem is, turtles (among other reptiles) carry salmonella bacteria that can infect the intestinal tract and cause nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea and sickness for as long as a week.

Because young children -- whose immune systems are not fully developed -- are at increased risk for salmonella infection, the Centers for Disease Control has recommended reptiles (including turtles) not be kept in preschools and homes with day-care centers if the children are under the age of 5. This is why the turtle should not be let loose in the kitchen where food is prepared or any area in which a baby will be crawling.

While most box turtles will not bite a human, they don't make good pets for young children because they don't like being handled. Share this information with the couple, but ultimately, the decision about whether to keep the "pet" or not is theirs.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Granddaughter Protests Having to Maintain Car She's Been Given

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 3rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I loaned my granddaughter my car because she got a job and didn't have convenient transportation. After she'd had it for two months, I told her she needed to get the oil changed. She became very disrespectful and said I could have the car back because she didn't have the money to pay for it. She got even angrier when I said she should return it with a full tank of gas since that's how she took it.

What is wrong with her mentality? She feels I screwed her over instead of being grateful for all the time she had it?! I don't even know how to respond to her. What would you do? -- SHOCKED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SHOCKED: Your granddaughter's "mentality" is one of entitlement. Having been given the car, she expected you to maintain it for her. That you told her if she returned the car the tank should be full was something she wasn't expecting to hear because -- forgive me for repeating this -- she felt entitled to use it without assuming responsibility for it. What I would do would be to "allow" her to learn to be responsible on her own and curtail your generous impulses where she is concerned.

MoneyFamily & Parenting

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