DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have problems communicating because I don't talk enough, but that's the way I was raised. My family just didn't talk about serious things. I'm not saying avoidance is right, but I have a hard time talking seriously.

When I feel put on the spot, I find it difficult to form my words correctly, and I shut down. My husband doesn't understand why I don't talk when it comes so easy for him. This gives him the impression that I don't "want" to talk, and therefore, I don't care about our marriage as much as he does. Any advice? -- MY LIPS ARE SEALED

DEAR MY LIPS: Issues that are not discussed often grow greater until they erode relationships. If you value your marriage, use this issue as a jumping-off point to start talking with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional.

The way you were raised was unhealthy. It is destructive to building relationships as well as self-esteem, and can have lifelong consequences, as you are finding out. Please don't put it off, because your communication problem won't resolve until you do something proactive about it.

DEAR ABBY: May I educate your readers about a little-known disorder called misophonia? It means "hatred of sound," and it can cause rage or panic. Misophonia is triggered by sounds such as breathing, eating, yawning, chewing or whistling. It can also be caused by a repetitive motion, such as when someone is fidgeting, jostles you or taps their foot continuously.

I suffer from this disorder. I work in the health care field and am often surrounded by people who chew and/or pop/crack their gum. I have had the difficult, often embarrassing, conversation about my disorder many times to no avail. The gum-chewing continues.

Do you agree it is unprofessional to chew gum in the workplace? How do I make people understand this is a real disorder that causes me physical pain and duress? -- SUFFERING IN THE WEST

DEAR SUFFERING: I have to agree that chewing gum in the workplace is both unsightly and unprofessional. In the interest of full disclosure, I confess I'm guilty of the crime. Before I condemn anyone for eating, chewing, yawning, foot-tapping, etc., allow me to point out that the solution to your problem may be as simple as noise-canceling headphones. I urge you to try it before requesting a private office.

DEAR ABBY: Is it selfish for a 62-year-old recently widowed grandmother to want more in her life besides her one daughter and three grandchildren? -- WANTS MORE IN THE EAST

DEAR WANTS MORE: Of course it isn't selfish! If "someone" is trying to sell you that nonsensical idea, my advice is not to buy it. You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and you should not allow anyone to prevent you from seeking it.

(Could it be the "someone" wants a free baby sitter?)

DEAR ABBY: A year ago my sister "Jan" started dating this guy, "Miles," who soon moved in with her. Everyone in our family was welcoming until she started telling us their problems. We thought things between them had improved, but recently Jan tried to take her own life because she could no longer handle the stress.

I admit I had distanced myself from her before this tragedy happened. I haven't forgiven him, but I realize she's old enough to make her own decisions and will continue to do what she wants with whom she wants.

I now tolerate Miles because I don't want to push her away. I almost lost her once in a terrible way, and I refuse to lose her in any other way again. I have worked to have a better relationship with my sister. My husband, on the other hand, refuses to let things go with Miles, and because of it our family is in jeopardy.

I practically beg him to just be cordial so Jan and I can have the ones we love around us in the same room. My husband refuses. He blames Miles for her suicide attempt, even though she has told us repeatedly it wasn't about him.

I'm stuck and don't know where to go from here. I just want to be able to have our families together without problems. What do you suggest I do? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Tell your husband that your sister is emotionally fragile and needs all the support she can get. Point out that isolation can be a contributing factor for depression and suicide. If he thinks he is being supportive by blaming Miles for what happened, he is mistaken.

Your husband and Miles don't have to be "buddies." Surely your husband is mature enough to tolerate Miles' presence for a short time during gatherings, if only for your sister's sake. However, if he isn't, perhaps he will listen to a suicide prevention counselor, who can explain the importance of family support.

DEAR ABBY: I attend religious services with a wonderful group of people. For some reason our family has been chosen to receive not only everybody's hand-me-downs, but new clothes as well. We receive several large bags of clothes each season.

I hate to seem ungrateful, but I don't have the time or room to keep a large rotation of clothing for my kids. Their room is a mess, and most of it is clothing I didn't even buy. Is there a nice way to stop accepting these gifts? -- THE CHOSEN FAMILY

DEAR CHOSEN: Of course! Thank the pastor of your church for the generosity that has been shown to your family. Then explain that you can't use all of the clothing you are being given and suggest that from now on those items be saved for a needy family who could use them.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest sister started dating a man and they quickly moved in together. Six months into their relationship she got pregnant and they got engaged. Their wedding is planned for this summer.

Recently she discovered he has been video-chatting with someone he met online. He admitted to flirting, apologized and promised that was the end of it. I have a strong suspicion that there have been other "situations" my sister is unaware of.

Should I express my concerns to her and suggest postponing the wedding? Or should I keep my gut feelings to myself? I'm afraid she will get married and then find out what's really going on. -- BIG SISTER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BIG SISTER: Be honest with your sister. Although I suspect that your gut feelings are accurate, whether she will believe it is debatable, but at least she will have been warned. If she does decide to stay with him, refrain from any "I told you so's." Recognize that whether she marries her fiance or not, she will forever be linked with him because of the baby.

DEAR ABBY: After my mom passed away, my dad lived alone for three years until his death. During those three years, Mom's family not once made contact with him or me. Dad lived in a very small town. When he would see Mom's sister and her husband out and about in restaurants and stores, they would ignore him.

After Dad's death, my aunt contacted me asking if she could have a rocking chair that belonged to my mother. I agreed they could have it. To my shock, when my uncle arrived to pick up the chair, he began asking me about my dad's belongings. He wanted to look through Dad's tools and such. After making no attempt to contact Dad while he was alive, now that he's gone, my uncle had the nerve to ask to look through Dad's things?! I politely shut him down.

Since then, my aunt has been bad-mouthing me all over town, telling everyone "I dropped them" and "don't want anything to do with them." I suppose that's true under the circumstances, but what should I say to set the record straight without appearing as the bad guy? -- "ORPHAN" IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ORPHAN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your parents, and the uncomfortable situation in which you now find yourself. Memorize the first paragraph of your letter to me and recite it verbatim when the subject of your relationship with your aunt and uncle comes up. Because it's a small town, the message will spread quickly, and you won't have to repeat it often.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I want to go to Europe this summer, but we don't want to take his mother along. We have taken her on two holidays over the last two years and didn't enjoy either one for various reasons. She now expects to go with us on our international vacations, and we don't know how to tell her we prefer to go alone. Please help. -- HOLIDAY FOR TWO

DEAR HOLIDAY: What your husband should say to his mother is, "Mom, my wife and I will be going to __________ for a few weeks in early August. We need an 'adventure' alone together, so we will not be asking you to join us." Period!