DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, a good friend, "Beth," went through a violent tragedy that destroyed her family. My husband and I own a small waterfront property, so during the months following, I took Beth away for the weekend to hopefully allow her some healing and emotional recovery. She then asked me to go again and, when I couldn't go, asked if she could go with her friend (whom I had met but don't know well). She asked again to go with her new boyfriend.

I agreed to both of these trips, even though this is our private vacation home. We never rent it. No one has ever used it without us, not even family. Now she's asking again to use our place with her friend.

I feel like a heel to refuse if we're not using the place, but I'm starting to feel a little used. Is it OK for me to tell her no because I am uncomfortable with her repeated requests, or am I just a bad friend? -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

DEAR T.A.O.: You have been generous to Beth. Unless you have explained it to her, she may not realize what a special favor you did her by letting her use your waterfront house. From what you have written, your friend appears to be getting on with her life, so if you decline now it shouldn't shatter her. To do so is not being a "bad friend."

DEAR ABBY: Please settle this between my sister and me. My sister carries about 25 credit cards in her purse. Recently she replaced the cardholder she keeps in her purse. I use an RFID wallet and purse, and I explained to her why I chose them. These products protect my identity from scammers. She says I'm being obsessive and worry too much. In today's world, you can't be too cautious. Abby, what are your thoughts on this? -- PROTECTING MY IDENTITY

DEAR PROTECTING: I agree you can never be too security conscious. Why your sister would carry 25 credit cards with her at once is surprising, and I'm not sure it's wise. If something should happen to her purse -- Radio Frequency ID-blocking wallet or not -- she would be up a creek. I hope she keeps copies of her cards and numbers in a separate, secure location in case she needs to cancel them.

DEAR ABBY: A woman I know has ALS, and I want to help. I write medical articles, so reading and explaining new research is a useful skill I have. She has told only a small number of friends that she has the condition, and I learned about it by accident.

It seems silly to me to keep pretending I don't know when everyone else around her does. When I showed her a summary of a research article on ALS, she said she didn't know why I was showing it to her. As long as I know anyway, I wish I could be let in on the secret so I can be helpful. Any ideas? -- HELPER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HELPER: Yes. You may be well intentioned, but you need to back off. When you put your foot in the door, it was shut firmly in your face. Now it's time to respect her privacy.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a baby, and I have been diagnosed as having postpartum depression. I have tried all of the prescribed medications but took myself off them because of the side effects.

The issue I'm having is I read a news story about a tiny baby who was scalded to death years ago by his mother. I think about that precious baby all day long. I cry, I scream and I have anxiety about hot water.

I started following the case closely (it's in another state) and have been spending my hard-earned vacation money ordering depositions and other documents from the case. I want some kind of closure on this, but I can't seem to let this poor baby go. My money is limited, which is why I can't/don't see a therapist. Any advice? -- OVERWHELMED IN GEORGIA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Have you informed the doctor who prescribed those medications that you stopped taking them, and why? If you haven't, you should.

It is important that you talk with a mental health professional about your obsession over the death of that baby and how it is affecting your life. Because money is limited, contact your county department of mental health and ask what services are available on a sliding financial scale.

Please don't wait to reach out. Your own baby needs love and care, and that should be your focus.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started a band with some close friends. At the beginning, everything was going great because we all have similar tastes in music. However, recently the lead singer has gotten more and more attention-seeking.

It started out small where he would make jokes on stage and try and get a laugh out of people. But now he's getting really outlandish, wearing crazy outfits and overall just acting ridiculous. How can I help him get back to just caring about the music and leaving the antics behind? -- EAST COAST MUSICIAN

DEAR MUSICIAN: You have my sympathy. Tom Hanks wrote and directed a movie about this subject in 1996. It is called "That Thing You Do!" If you can locate it, I am sure you will find it interesting.

As destructive as the hardships of being constantly on the road have been for performers in the music and entertainment business, EGO can be equally so. Your bandmate may be trying his best to upstage the rest of you or may think a gimmick could excite your audience. Try talking to him about it, but accept that you may have to replace him. If that's the case, be sure the person you hire has the same vision for the band that you do, so this won't happen again.

DEAR ABBY: What is the best way to approach a co-worker regarding body odor? A number of people in my office have noticed it, and it's creating a problem when someone has to sit near him during a meeting. We don't want to cause hurt feelings, but we really need him to be aware. -- KEEPING OUR DISTANCE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR KEEPING: This could be a medical problem rather than poor hygiene. Because it's a delicate subject, one that could be embarrassing for everyone concerned, this should be discussed with HR, the person's supervisor or the boss -- depending upon the size of the company.

DEAR ABBY: Nine months ago I met this incredible guy and we fell in love. We got along so well. He's smart, good-looking, has a great career and there didn't seem to be any problems.

Six months later, he casually mentioned that we are political opposites. Now I'm not that big on politics, and we all have reasons for being conservative or liberal, but when I asked him to explain his ideology, his answer was simply to slam the other side.

Is it ridiculous for me to end my relationship based on this? To me it indicates that we have very different morals and values. I made my position on social issues clear from the beginning, but he thinks I'm foolish to worry about things that "aren't true" and/or "won't affect me personally." I feel misled and betrayed, but I miss him a lot. I don't fall in love easily, and getting over this has been difficult. Am I overreacting? -- PRINCIPLED IN TEXAS

DEAR PRINCIPLED: While some couples can discuss their differences -- political and otherwise -- in your case your "incredible guy" seems unable to intelligently discuss them or articulate the reasons for his beliefs without denigrating yours. Without mutual respect, relationships usually fail.

DEAR ABBY: I used to take care of my grandparents. When my grandmother passed away 10 years ago, I took over cooking, paying the bills, laundry, etc. so my grandfather could stay in his home. He passed away three months ago and left everything to me. I have lived in their house for 24 years. I'm sleeping in the same bedroom I had when I first moved in. I like the neighborhood, and I plan on staying.

Now that my grandfather is gone, people say I should move into his (master) bedroom. And therein lies the question: What should I do with his bedroom furniture? On one hand, it holds special memories, so I'm hesitant to get rid of it. On the other hand, using it will feel like I'm in his room and not my own. It is made of big, bulky, dark, heavy oak that does not fit my style. I feel like getting rid of it is getting rid of him, but I also don't want to live in a "museum." How do I resolve this? -- CAN'T DECIDE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: Your grandfather has been gone only three months, and the rule of thumb is to make no important decisions while you are still grieving. It's practical advice, and those who follow it usually have fewer regrets than those who jump the gun.

For the time being, make no decisions about what to do with the bedroom furniture, which, although it may be somewhat dated, could be valuable, and someone may love to have it (a relative, an antique dealer, etc.). For now, move it into the room you have been using, and move yourself into the master bedroom. Allow yourself more time to make your decision, and when you finally do, you may find yourself ready to make some other updates to your property as well.