DEAR ABBY: When I was 18, I married someone who, at the time, I loved very much. It happened sort of spur of the moment. Not even six months into the marriage, he cheated on me.

I am now 20, divorced and finally feel ready to move on. But how do I go about dating at my age being a divorcee? I don't know how to talk about it. I have friends who don't even know I was married. How should I handle it? -- DIVORCEE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DIVORCEE: Unless you are planning to meet men on a dating site that requires you to disclose that information as part of your profile, I see no reason why you have to mention it. If you are asked, however, be honest about your status. All you need to say is that you married, very briefly, at the age of 18, and it didn't work out because you were both too young. It's the truth, and there is no shame in it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old female, and I want to know more about my ancestors so I can tell stories about them to my kids. The thing is, my boyfriend doesn't like the idea, and anytime I say or do something, he criticizes me about it. He's also very controlling and manipulative. He feels it's his way or the highway. That's why I want out -- for the sake of my life and the kids. I have no money and nowhere to go. What should I do? -- CRYING IN WESTERN WASHINGTON

DEAR CRYING: I agree the situation you describe isn't healthy for you or the children. If you have no family to help, you will have to work toward independence in small steps. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org or 800-799-7233) for suggestions on how to disengage from your abuser (oops! I meant "boyfriend") without any of you being harmed. Then find a job so you won't be penniless, and start saving your money.

DEAR ABBY: I feel petty complaining about this, but my wife has a habit I can't stand. We keep a stick of butter on a butter dish and replace it when it's used up. However, when my wife uses it, instead of cutting off thin slices, she scrapes her knife across the entire top of the butter cube, gradually whittling it down. Not only do I find it unsightly, but I also think it's unsanitary.

Needless to say, when I've mentioned it to her, she has strongly disagreed. I'm reluctant to bring it up anymore as it is settled, in her mind. I have tried using a different stick of butter, which I keep in the refrigerator and unwrap every time I want to use it, but she criticizes me for it, saying we shouldn't have two sticks in use at the same time.

I suppose there's an upside -- I'm using less butter, which my doctor approves of. What do you think about this habit of hers? -- BUTTER WARS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BUTTER WARS: It seems there is a power struggle going on between your wife and you. Because you have expressed to her more than once that you find what she's doing unappetizing, she should respect your wishes. However, if she continues, she should look the other way when you use your own butter stick.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Open-Minded in the South" (Nov. 24), the Christian woman who's a supporter of the LGBTQ community. She's concerned about her boyfriend's mother's inability to see her viewpoint and the effect it would have on future kids. I experienced something nearly identical. My boyfriend's grandfather is an ordained pastor, and they raised their kids in a conservative home. After a few conversations with them about LGBTQ people and other issues, we received a six-page letter detailing the "sins" we were committing.

Fast-forward 20 years: I get along with my in-laws fabulously. In fact, the grandfather has said I'm his favorite! We don't agree on pretty much anything politically, but I do still voice my opinion if the family says something I don't agree with.

My husband and I have two kids who often hear the in-laws say some judgmental things, and it's a great segue to a conversation with my kids afterward. They understand that not everyone is going to have the same beliefs, and even though we don't agree with the in-laws on these issues, we love them dearly. It definitely isn't a reason to end a good relationship.

As to "Open-Minded's" boyfriend not being up for the argument with his mom, he could be like my husband who HAS had conversations with them to no avail and realizes it's futile. -- BEEN THERE AND STILL THERE

DEAR BEEN THERE: My readers used "Open-Minded's" letter as an opportunity to have a forum about respect, love and civility. I found their comments both valid and refreshing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It is interesting that open-minded people are often open-minded only if you agree with them and are otherwise completely dogmatic. Neither party will ever convince the other that they are wrong. The solution: Don't talk about the problem issue.

We have a relative who holds office in a political party opposite to ours. We have a tacit agreement to simply never talk politics, and we get along great. Life is short, and there's nothing more important than family and friends. Agree to disagree! -- CALM IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: When people have an opposing point of view, it doesn't mean they hate you or are ignorant. Our culture is increasingly unable to engage in reasoned dialogue. Instead, people resort to shouting down reasonable thought and civil debate. My wife and I disagree over substantive issues, but we cope. Our society needs to work toward a renewal of civility. -- NO HATE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Both women are entitled to their beliefs and opinions. It's commendable that they discussed their differences. Now the question is, "How do I respond to someone important in my life with whom I disagree?" The answer is RESPECT. Rather than demean each other, the women should choose to find some solid ground on which to build a relationship.

To advise "Open-Minded" to consider leaving her boyfriend because of his mother's beliefs shocked me. In my family there is an array of different views. We all know where we stand and steer clear of the bombshells. We have chosen to love each other, accept each other as is and be as close as we can despite our differences. It takes some work, but it's worth it. We have even been able to joke with one another in a good-natured way. THAT is love and respect at its best, and more of what our world could use today. -- HAPPY IN KANSAS

DEAR READERS: I confess I wholeheartedly agree.

DEAR ABBY: Valentine's Day is here and, to be honest, I don't know much about St. Valentine. So I wonder if he meant the day to only be about lovers.

Is there any reason I shouldn't send valentines to my friends? Why should anyone feel bad because they're not "with" someone? If you love and/or care about a person, can't you send them a box of chocolates, a card or some flowers? It seems to me this should be a time of year you can let a buddy know you appreciate him, or let your brother, cousin, sister, neighbor or co-worker know you care.

It doesn't have to be mushy. Happy Valentine's Day to you, Abby! -- TIM IN SYRACUSE

DEAR TIM: Valentine's Day may have started as a celebration of romance and romantic love, but it has broadened to acknowledge other kinds of love and affection. There's absolutely no reason you cannot celebrate the way you described.

Happy Valentine's Day to you, Tim, and to all my readers, for whom I have great appreciation and affection.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is a 59-year-old widower. He has dated a few women over the years, and he's very afraid of being alone.

The woman he is with now has made it clear that she is with him because he can provide financial security for her. She's pushing him to move in together and get married, but only after he sells his house and buys a new one. She said she could never live there because his deceased wife lived there. However, she is unable to contribute anything financially, so this would all be out of his pocket. He looks past all of this.

I have told him I'm worried about her using him for his money, but he doesn't want to hear it. How can I get through to him? -- WISE SISTER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SISTER: You obviously can't. However, his lawyer might be able to deliver that message more effectively than you. This is why you should strongly encourage him to have a talk with his lawyer before he sells his house or formalizes his arrangement with this lady, who has made her objectives crystal clear.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away after a long illness four months ago. I lived in the same building as my parents, but a different apartment. (I still do.)

Obviously, I encounter other tenants in the public areas of the building. Since my father's death, most of them have asked me how my mother is doing. However, no one has ever asked me how I am doing. Frankly, it's very hurtful. Dad was getting hospice care at home, so I experienced his decline and finally the loss. Why does no one care to offer me any words of sympathy? -- STILL GRIEVING

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: When there is a death, many people are uncomfortable. They don't mean to be insensitive; they simply don't know what to say to the grieving relatives.

I assume that your mother and father are/were elderly. The death of a spouse after many decades of marriage can be so traumatic that the partner goes into a decline. Your neighbors may assume that because you are younger and stronger, that you are more resilient and therefore are doing fine. Please don't hold the fact that they haven't asked how you are doing against them.