DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I both got divorced about the same time, but his took much longer to become final. It is finally over, so we have begun talking seriously about marriage and starting a family.

During one of our conversations, he mentioned that his ex-wife doesn't intend to change back to her maiden name. I was shocked because she took advantage of him financially and was emotionally abusive all during their marriage. They had no kids, so it has nothing to do with her wanting to share the same name with them. They were married only a few years, so she isn't well established under that name, either.

When I asked him why she wasn't changing it, he told me she said his family was always nicer to her than her own. I suggested he ask her to adopt another last name of her choosing if she doesn't want to go back to her maiden name rather than be falsely associated with a family she is no longer a part of (or welcome in). He won't consider taking on my last name, so I'm thinking about keeping my own maiden name after our marriage until she changes hers. Am I overreacting, or are two "Mrs." too many? -- SOON TO MARRY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SOON TO MARRY: You are overreacting. When a man has divorced, his ex can retain his last name if she wishes. Some do it because they think it may be to their advantage socially to be associated with the family. I have heard of others doing it because they didn't like their maiden name.

Please keep in mind that after your wedding you will -- if you wish -- become "Mrs. John Smith." The ex can use the last name, but will have to use her own first name with it (Ms. Jane Smith) without reference to your husband.

Of course, if you wish to keep your maiden name, you are free to do it -- many women do. But if you make that decision, please do it for any other reason than because of the one you put in your letter to me.

DEAR ABBY: My mother used to go nuts anytime the cameras came out. No matter the setting, the celebration or how lovely she looked, Mom would fling her hand up and yell, "Get that thing out of my face!" even when other family members were in the shot. One day, in exasperation, I finally told her, "Ya know, Mom, someday the only pictures your descendants will have of you will be of an angry, scowling woman."

Abby, please remind your readers we aren't trying to persecute them when we want a picture. We just want to hold, share and save photos of the people we love the most, and the kindness and love in their eyes shouldn't be obscured by their hands. -- FINALLY GOT THROUGH TO MOM

DEAR FINALLY: Although we live in a self-promoting and selfie culture, many individuals feel the way your mother does -- like a deer in the headlights when a camera is aimed their way. That said, the point you made was valid, and I am pleased that she listened. It is for that reason I'm printing your letter.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, I had an affair with a married man that resulted in a pregnancy and then a miscarriage. I was also married at the time. Pathology testing revealed that the child had a rare genetic disorder inherited on the paternal side. My husband's genetic test indicated that he was not a carrier. The revelation led to my admission of the affair and our divorce.

I didn't tell the other man. His wife was unable to have children, so I didn't think it would impact him. I recently found out he is divorced and remarried to a younger woman. I have no idea whether they plan to have children, but I'm torn about telling him he is a carrier for that life-threatening disorder.

Selfishly, I do not want to reopen this shameful period of my life, so my instinct is to leave it alone, but I feel morally obligated to let him know. Should I contact him and tell him he was the father of the child and that he is a carrier of this genetic abnormality? -- TORN IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR TORN: The kind thing to do would be to contact your former lover privately. Explain that you do not mean to intrude, but he needs to know something important. Then inform him that it could save him and his wife a world of heartache if they have genetic testing done before planning to have a child, and why. You would be doing them both an enormous favor if you disclose it.

DEAR ABBY: Decades ago, while I was a college student, a friend took the time and interest to help me through a severe bout of depression. She likely saved my life. She had no special training, just a kind heart and a willing ear. At the time, I didn't realize the profound impact she had made. Our lives diverged, and I never heard from her again.

Recently, I finally decided to reach out and thank her, but unfortunately, an online search revealed her 10-year-old obituary. From the notes in the guest book, I discovered she had suffered many personal hardships throughout her adult life, which contributed to her early death.

Because I was not able to help her as she helped me, I want to pass along two important lessons I learned: (1) Thank people and tell them you care before it is too late, and (2) be willing to lend a hand and an ear to someone in need, because you may be that one person who affects their life. She had a saying I would like to share, which has guided my life: "Just open your 'I' and LIVE becomes LOVE." -- WITH LOVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WITH LOVE: I'm sorry for the loss of your caring and compassionate friend. I'm glad you took the time to write and share what a meaningful role she had in your life. That she made herself available to listen when you needed it is something more people should do because we live in a stressful society in which many individuals feel lost and alone. And I love her "motto"!

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 36 years and have five adult children. We have a loving, caring and mutually supportive relationship.

We recently had dinner at a restaurant, and she became very flirty and familiar with our male server, who was one-third her age and a complete stranger. She complimented him on his handsome looks, his trim waistline and his smooth and reassuring speaking style. I thought she was out of line, and on the ride home, I told her so. She became defensive and angry and said she was only kidding around with him. What's the best way to avoid this type of dust-up in the future? -- JIM IN MARYLAND

DEAR JIM: What your wife did was inappropriate. Could she have had one pre-meal cocktail too many? Because her behavior made you uncomfortable, she owes you an apology. And if this sort of thing happens again, perhaps you should request a female server if possible.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore college student who has finally settled in with a group of friends I love and really connect with. However, one girl in our group throws full-on temper tantrums where she cries, storms off or exerts negative energy to the point that it ruins the night for the rest of us. These fits of temper seem to be caused by anything and everything, and have reached a point where my friends and I feel anxious being around her. What do we do? And how do we deal with someone who cries at the tiniest of perceived "slights"? -- EXHAUSTED IN COLLEGE

DEAR EXHAUSTED: The behavior you have described isn't normal. The girl appears to be extremely fragile emotionally. Whoever is closest to her should point out to her privately that all of you are concerned that her outbursts may be a sign of depression, and suggest she talk to someone at the student health center about them.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend and her husband were at a Broadway theater production. Because of a spinal cord injury, she uses either a walker or wheelchair. During intermission, when she went into the ladies room, the line was quite long. Not one woman offered to let her move ahead. What's the protocol? I thought each person in there should have deferred to her.

I had tickets the same night, and when I saw her in line I walked up and asked her if I could intervene to move her in faster, but she said she didn't want to bother anyone. I stayed with her and didn't speak up because I didn't want to embarrass her. I would appreciate your view on this. -- TRYING TO HELP

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: My view is that someone with an obvious disability should be offered the next available stall, and if the person uses a walker or a wheelchair, the handicap stall should be offered to her.