DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Things are generally good, but we keep having the same old argument related to his little brother.

They have a close relationship, which is great, but I often end up feeling like I'm playing second fiddle to my brother-in-law. If I ask my husband to go out and do something on the weekend, he'll say he doesn't feel like it. Minutes later, if his brother makes the same suggestion, he's up and getting ready to go! Sometimes I end up along for the ride, which lessens the sting a little, but usually I'm left alone.

It wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I don't have family close by, and I'm the agency lead where I work, so having "work friends" isn't an option. This leaves my husband the only person I have to spend time with.

I have tried explaining this to him, but when I try, he overreacts and claims I don't want him to spend any time with his brother, which is not what I'm saying. I have begun to feel that he's honest with me when he says no to something, but just can't bring himself to say no to his brother. Either way, it's exhausting and ridiculous. Is there any way to address this, or do I just deal with the sting when it happens and let it go? -- COMPETING FOR ATTENTION

DEAR COMPETING: If you and your husband haven't blocked out some time each week to spend together -- a date night -- you should. While I don't think it's healthy for you to be entirely dependent upon him for social contact, I do think you should be higher on his list of priorities than his brother.

Because you have already discussed this and seem to have gotten nowhere, please consider finding some other social outlets so you aren't so isolated. Special interest groups or hobbies come to mind.

DEAR ABBY: I was waiting in line to get a cup of coffee and the customer behind me was so close she was almost touching me. Then she coughed without covering her mouth. I stepped away, but she closed in on me and coughed again without covering.

I turned and politely asked her to step back and cover her mouth the next time she coughed. She said she had an allergy and not a cold. I suggested that because we are in the midst of cold and flu season, there's no way that I -- or anyone else -- could know the difference between a cough from allergy or illness. Was it rude on my part? Or should we all practice some courtesy by covering our mouths when we cough or sneeze? -- RUDE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR RUDE: What you said was not rude; it was common sense. The notion that if you don't think you're sick ("only allergic"), you have the right to cough on others is misguided. When you asked the woman not to hover near you, she should have respected your request, stepped back and not closed in again whether or not she continued to cough. Flu season is in full swing. That's why it's important for everyone who is out in public -- and exposed -- to practice good hygiene.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, a convert to reform Judaism, died this past year. The day before she passed, while she was in a coma, Roman Catholic family members asked if they could bring in a priest. I said OK because I knew it meant a lot to them. A priest came and administered last rites. (My wife was born and raised a Catholic.)

I have been having serious second thoughts about my decision. Nobody outside my family knows about this. Did I make the right call, or should I have politely told my wife's family that I could not agree to their request? -- TROUBLED REFORM JEW

DEAR TROUBLED: Your wife, who had converted to Judaism, was comatose. What happened at her bedside made no difference to her at that point. It was kind and generous of you to allow the priest to come for the sake of your in-laws. You did it for the right reasons, so please do not second-guess yourself now. What happened does not impugn the authenticity of the Jewish rites that you used to bury her.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my friend "Stephanie" decided to stop cutting hair as her second job. She had done mine, my husband's and our son's hair for years. We switched to a stylist she referred us to and have been satisfied with the service.

We just found out Stephanie is going to start cutting hair again, and my husband and I want to switch back to seeing her. The sticky part is, we already have appointments with the new person, and Stephanie's going to be working at the same salon where she referred us. Is it rude to call and ask to switch our stylist knowing that we will be seeing both of them in the same place? -- TENTATIVE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TENTATIVE: No, it is not rude. Tell your new stylist that you have decided to go back to Stephanie in light of your long relationship. Make the switch as cordial as possible. Explain that it has nothing to do with the quality of the stylists' work. When you visit the salon, be friendly to both stylists. That way, if Stephanie decides to quit cutting hair again or even takes a vacation, you will have someone to fall back on.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years and notice that many of the letters come from people who let others run roughshod over them or do things to them they are not happy with. My suggestion is a simple adage that has helped me through life: "People can only do to you what you allow them to do to you."

I realize this may not be a panacea for all situations, and for those who have difficulty asserting themselves it may not come easy. But folks will continue doing to you what you allow them to do until you say no. What do you think, Abby? -- KIP IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR KIP: I think your mantra is a helpful reminder for those who need it. However, many individuals need more support than that, and for them I would recommend assertiveness training because one of the hardest words in the English language to say is NO.

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about having a sex-only arrangement with an ex? Most of the women I've dated have contacted me after the relationship was over hoping to have "no-strings-attached" sex on a regular basis. I have always refused because I figured it would make it more difficult to move on and to meet someone new.

That said, I'm an attractive guy in my early 30s, and I'd hate to continue to waste my prime sexual years. I'd love to be married and have a family, but I'm struggling to find a woman who is honest, loyal, a good communicator and independent. That leaves me with either having no sex while hoping for a miracle, or a lot of sex with women I don't really like. -- SEARCHING IN OREGON

DEAR SEARCHING: Dating may look like fun, but at a certain point it becomes serious business. You have reached an age at which you know what you are looking for. However, you will never find it as long as you tie yourself to women who don't fit the bill. This does not mean you must live like a monk, only that you direct your sexual (and emotional) energies forward rather than backward if your goal is marriage and a family.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and unlike most girls I know, I prefer to be natural. I don't shave or wax my body hair. My friends accept this as my business. But my stepsisters, whom I share a room with every other weekend, say I look gross and proudly display their shave and wax jobs. They say their boyfriends and nearly all guys prefer it.

I have a boyfriend, but we aren't to that point. However, someday that day will come. Does it really matter to guys if a girl shaves and waxes? Also, how do I deal with my stepsisters? -- NATURAL IN THE WEST

DEAR NATURAL: Deal with your stepsisters by continuing to ignore their advice and following your own path. The idea that women should be hairless from the eyelids down is one that Madison Avenue and the porn industry have foisted on the public. I can't predict how "guys" will react to you in your natural state, but I can say this: A MAN who cares about you will be only too glad to accept the entire package -- fur and all.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who visits me often. Recently I discovered that in addition to eating snacks I put out, he has been sneaking food and things like canned beverages from my home when I'm not looking.

He has money. In fact, he is a very generous person. I can't get over his behavior. Is it right that this bothers me, and if so, what should I say? -- MISSING MY FOOD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING: It should bother you, because as petty as it is, it's still theft. What you should say is, "Why are you taking food from my home without asking me first?" It's a legitimate question. If he denies it, your buddy may be a bit of a kleptomaniac.