DEAR ABBY: My wife, a convert to reform Judaism, died this past year. The day before she passed, while she was in a coma, Roman Catholic family members asked if they could bring in a priest. I said OK because I knew it meant a lot to them. A priest came and administered last rites. (My wife was born and raised a Catholic.)

I have been having serious second thoughts about my decision. Nobody outside my family knows about this. Did I make the right call, or should I have politely told my wife's family that I could not agree to their request? -- TROUBLED REFORM JEW

DEAR TROUBLED: Your wife, who had converted to Judaism, was comatose. What happened at her bedside made no difference to her at that point. It was kind and generous of you to allow the priest to come for the sake of your in-laws. You did it for the right reasons, so please do not second-guess yourself now. What happened does not impugn the authenticity of the Jewish rites that you used to bury her.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my friend "Stephanie" decided to stop cutting hair as her second job. She had done mine, my husband's and our son's hair for years. We switched to a stylist she referred us to and have been satisfied with the service.

We just found out Stephanie is going to start cutting hair again, and my husband and I want to switch back to seeing her. The sticky part is, we already have appointments with the new person, and Stephanie's going to be working at the same salon where she referred us. Is it rude to call and ask to switch our stylist knowing that we will be seeing both of them in the same place? -- TENTATIVE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TENTATIVE: No, it is not rude. Tell your new stylist that you have decided to go back to Stephanie in light of your long relationship. Make the switch as cordial as possible. Explain that it has nothing to do with the quality of the stylists' work. When you visit the salon, be friendly to both stylists. That way, if Stephanie decides to quit cutting hair again or even takes a vacation, you will have someone to fall back on.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years and notice that many of the letters come from people who let others run roughshod over them or do things to them they are not happy with. My suggestion is a simple adage that has helped me through life: "People can only do to you what you allow them to do to you."

I realize this may not be a panacea for all situations, and for those who have difficulty asserting themselves it may not come easy. But folks will continue doing to you what you allow them to do until you say no. What do you think, Abby? -- KIP IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR KIP: I think your mantra is a helpful reminder for those who need it. However, many individuals need more support than that, and for them I would recommend assertiveness training because one of the hardest words in the English language to say is NO.

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about having a sex-only arrangement with an ex? Most of the women I've dated have contacted me after the relationship was over hoping to have "no-strings-attached" sex on a regular basis. I have always refused because I figured it would make it more difficult to move on and to meet someone new.

That said, I'm an attractive guy in my early 30s, and I'd hate to continue to waste my prime sexual years. I'd love to be married and have a family, but I'm struggling to find a woman who is honest, loyal, a good communicator and independent. That leaves me with either having no sex while hoping for a miracle, or a lot of sex with women I don't really like. -- SEARCHING IN OREGON

DEAR SEARCHING: Dating may look like fun, but at a certain point it becomes serious business. You have reached an age at which you know what you are looking for. However, you will never find it as long as you tie yourself to women who don't fit the bill. This does not mean you must live like a monk, only that you direct your sexual (and emotional) energies forward rather than backward if your goal is marriage and a family.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and unlike most girls I know, I prefer to be natural. I don't shave or wax my body hair. My friends accept this as my business. But my stepsisters, whom I share a room with every other weekend, say I look gross and proudly display their shave and wax jobs. They say their boyfriends and nearly all guys prefer it.

I have a boyfriend, but we aren't to that point. However, someday that day will come. Does it really matter to guys if a girl shaves and waxes? Also, how do I deal with my stepsisters? -- NATURAL IN THE WEST

DEAR NATURAL: Deal with your stepsisters by continuing to ignore their advice and following your own path. The idea that women should be hairless from the eyelids down is one that Madison Avenue and the porn industry have foisted on the public. I can't predict how "guys" will react to you in your natural state, but I can say this: A MAN who cares about you will be only too glad to accept the entire package -- fur and all.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who visits me often. Recently I discovered that in addition to eating snacks I put out, he has been sneaking food and things like canned beverages from my home when I'm not looking.

He has money. In fact, he is a very generous person. I can't get over his behavior. Is it right that this bothers me, and if so, what should I say? -- MISSING MY FOOD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING: It should bother you, because as petty as it is, it's still theft. What you should say is, "Why are you taking food from my home without asking me first?" It's a legitimate question. If he denies it, your buddy may be a bit of a kleptomaniac.

DEAR ABBY: We need some advice. Recently we hosted our annual holiday party and invited all of our neighbors and friends. Our invitation stated that the party would run between 5 and 11:30 so our guests could also attend other parties that might be going on at the same time.

As our party was winding down, it was noticed that one of our guests -- who had been at a previous party -- had wet themselves on our sofa and covered the spot up with throw pillows. We served wine, punch, etc. at our party, but this couple arrived pretty tipsy already. In the future, should we just not invite these neighbors? We are very distressed about this. What do you suggest? -- OOPS! IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OOPS!: The guilty party should have owned up to what happened and offered to pay for having your couch professionally cleaned rather than try to cover it up. If you are 100 percent sure it was one particular couple, not inviting them to more gatherings would absolutely guarantee that it won't happen again.

P.S. Covering your furniture in waterproof slipcovers when you entertain a crowd may be something you might want to consider in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a boarding school student, and I absolutely hate it here! I worked hard to get in, and I realize how lucky I am to have been accepted, but I just want to go home and go to school at my public high school with all of my friends and my brother. My friends understand, but my parents think I'm over-exaggerating. I am sad all the time, and I cry at least once a day. How do I approach this to help my parents understand? -- AWAY FROM EVERYTHING

DEAR AWAY: You stated that you worked hard to get into this school, but you miss being with your friends back home. The quality of education you are now receiving will prove very important when you are getting ready for college. It's possible that with some help you can make new friends at this school. Stop crying alone and talk about your feelings with a trusted teacher or administrator. I'm sure it won't be the first time the person has heard something like this, and the input you receive could prove helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a job that requires I call several businesspeople each day. Often I need to leave a voicemail message. It has become more and more common for voicemail greetings to say, "I will call you back at my earliest convenience." I find this very off-putting and rude, as if my call is an intrusion and they will call back "whenever." I think the word "convenience" is best used when offering it to someone else, as in, "Call me at your earliest convenience." I always try to return phone calls promptly, whether it's convenient or not. Am I just old-fashioned or what? -- NOT SO CONVENIENT IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR NOT SO: The individuals you are calling have the right to put any message they wish on their voicemail greeting. He or she may be on another business call or away from the office. The voicemail message is not being addressed to you personally.

You are old-fashioned. You also appear to be overly sensitive, and I think, for your own sake, you should get over it.