DEAR ABBY: I may be having a midlife crisis. I'm not happy in my marriage and haven't been for quite some time. I pray every night that my husband will find someone else so he will leave our marriage. I tried to leave him before, but financially I couldn't make it. I'm now at the point where I don't care about the financial side of it.

I recently kissed a co-worker. It was really hot, heavy and I want more. I haven't felt this alive in years. My co-worker is not the reason I want a divorce, but now, feeling desired by someone makes me want out even more. But I'm a coward. I don't know how to tell my husband I'm no longer in love with him. -- COWARD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COWARD: Not knowing you, I can't determine whether you may be having a midlife crisis. However, you definitely do need to talk to your husband, if only to ask if he feels the same emptiness that you do. It would be better for both of you if you tried counseling to see if it's possible to heal your marriage before you run out the door.

I caution you about involving yourself in a workplace romance while you are feeling this needy. If it doesn't work out -- and most of them don't -- you could find yourself not only without a husband but also a job.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a man I'll call Mike for several years. We eventually broke up because of distance and a difference of opinion about where we wanted to live. I also had developed a crush on a female friend, which contributed to my decision to break off with him.

The crush didn't work out. Now, more than a year later, Mike and I are close friends. I visited him recently and realized I still have feelings for him. I want to get back together, but I don't think I should say it unless I am 100 percent certain I won't break up with him again.

Abby, I wonder if I might be gay. I don't know what to do. I love Mike, but I'm paranoid that I'll eventually regret getting back together with him. I couldn't betray his trust again. What should I do? -- CONFUSED 20-SOMETHING

DEAR CONFUSED: You may be gay; you might also be bisexual or simply curious. You owe it to yourself and to Mike to talk to a counselor and explore what your sexual orientation is. If you and Mike have worked through your other differences, only the two of you can decide whether to resume your relationship or just be friends. (Friendships have been known to sometimes last longer than romantic relationships.)

DEAR ABBY: My question is, is it ethical to "try" the fruit at the grocery store? I am amazed at the number of shoppers who open the bags of grapes and help themselves to a snack. Shouldn't they buy without sampling? -- CRAIG IN FLORIDA

DEAR CRAIG: Theoretically, shoppers should buy without sampling. Talk to the manager of the grocery store about it. Some establishments leave a bag of grapes, cherries, etc. open for shoppers to sample to see if they would like to buy. If that's not happening in the store you patronize, consider suggesting it.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Jane," and I have been in love for three years. We're both in our 30s. Jane and her daughter have lived with me long enough to know that I want to be a part of -- and contribute to -- the rest of their lives. Jane knows I never want to be married, but that I am committed to her. I know how to make sure she is taken care of in the event that I pass away, and I'm in the process of making that a reality.

I would like to give her a special diamond. Is there a way to give her the moment she deserves without asking her to marry me? -- SHE DESERVES BETTER

DEAR SHE DESERVES BETTER: I doubt it. If Jane would like to be married and is open about your relationship, don't be surprised if she tells you she would rather have a proposal and a wedding than a diamond and a legal document.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's parents forgot his birthday -- again. Last year, he laughed it off. This year, it wasn't so funny. It's especially hurtful because they not only remember his other adult siblings' birthdays, but throw parties or dinners for them to which we are invited.

Would I be out of line to send them a reminder next year? I don't want them to think I'm fishing for a party; I just would like them to call their son on his birthday. -- CALENDAR GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CALENDAR GIRL: Why do I think there is more to this story than you have mentioned? Your husband may have done -- or not done -- something that upset his parents, and this may be their passive-aggressive way of punishing him.

Do not "remind" them of the birthday. They are well aware of when it is. Instead, plan a celebration for him with some of his friends, and make the occasion a happy one with no mention of his parents.

DEAR ABBY: Please explain why DJs or bands think it's appropriate to blast their music at occasions like weddings, dinners or any gathering, for that matter, to the point that the guests have to shout at each other. I thought music was supposed to be in the background, to be enjoyed during a meal or conversation, then raised a little louder for dancing, since dancers want to hear the music.

I was at a golf tournament recently, and we asked the DJs to turn the volume down because the players were still golfing. They did, but when players started coming in, the music got louder and louder until it was blasting. The more people who came in, the louder it got. Abby, how do you feel about this? -- TOO LOUD IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TOO LOUD: This may happen because of the size of the room or the mood the musicians are attempting to create. However, unless music is being played in a dance club, increasing the volume to the point that attendees cannot comfortably carry on a conversation is intrusive.

DEAR ABBY: It has been a little over two years since I lost my father to leukemia. The progression of his illness and death was rapid and unforeseen. It has been a tremendous emotional strain on the family, but I seem to be having a hard time "ending" my grieving and finding even simple happiness in things I used to enjoy. I know the death of a loved one can change a person's perspective forever, but I'm wondering if my process has turned into something else.

I am somewhat prone to depression (especially around the winter months), but have stuck with my doctor's orders about medication and exercise on a regular basis. I was in counseling, but that seemed to reach its conclusion about a year ago.

I'm married with three wonderful children, and I feel like I could be a better husband and father if I could figure out how to move on. Abby, please help. -- TRYING TO MOVE ON

DEAR TRYING TO MOVE ON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. The inability to find happiness in things that used to bring you joy is one of the symptoms of clinical depression. After two years, you should be doing better than you are. For that reason I'm suggesting you discuss what's going on with you with a psychiatrist, a doctor who has the training and certification to give you a definite diagnosis and medicate you, if necessary. Please don't wait to ask your doctor or your insurance company for a referral.

DEAR ABBY: My brother lives in a different state, and every year he comes "home" for a week. I'm one of six siblings who live in the area, but "Jim" always stays with us. After the first time he stayed here he said, "I'll just keep your key for next year."

I love my brother, but this means giving him my bedroom for a week or more. We have no other bedrooms, so I have to share with my husband and get no sleep. I'm in my 70s, and after a week with no sleep I feel awful.

I have hinted to Jim about him staying with his son, but he says "no." The other siblings don't offer because he is so critical. Everything we do has to be his way.

I really need to tell him he must stay elsewhere, but I can't seem to find the right words. My siblings say just tell him. What should I do? -- NEEDS MY SLEEP

DEAR NEEDS SLEEP: Just tell him! Permit me to suggest a few phrases: "Jim, you will have to make other arrangements when you come to town because you can no longer stay with us. Going without sleep for a week while you use my bed is affecting my health, so please return our house key. We love you and would like to visit with you while you're here, and we hope you understand."

Do not feel guilty for saying any of it because you have been more than generous to your brother.

DEAR READERS: Today, we remember the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. His philosophy still rings true: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."