DEAR ABBY: I am having issues with a friend who gets handed most everything he wants. I had to grow up when I was very young, pay my own way for things and take care of myself. I work three jobs to pay my rent in a house with four other people while still pursuing my passion.

This friend is unemployed. He lives in an apartment his parents pay for and goes on frequent road trips. I have reached a point where I have become seriously envious, and I'm not sure how to stop feeling frustrated that he has an easier life than I do.

I care about our friendship, but it's physically painful sometimes when he talks about these luxuries that I can't afford. Should I cut off the relationship? Is this something I should talk about with him or something I need to work on myself? -- ENVIOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR ENVIOUS: Why not do both? Tell him how his going on and on about his "luxuries" makes you feel. If that doesn't increase his sensitivity to the disparity in your situations, you have my permission to end the relationship.

However, while you are working on yourself, please understand that your friend's parents are doing him no favors. "Children" raised without an incentive to succeed are not often successful in life. They don't have the tools you have. You are independent. He isn't. Rather than work to build success in a profession, he's taking road trips. You know the value of hard work, and with each of the jobs you work, you are gaining experience and focus.

From my perspective, if I had to say which of you is richer, it is you. Step back and you will recognize you have nothing to be jealous about, and you'll be able to change your thinking.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Layla. Her best friend, "Matt," raped her. She doesn't want to tell anyone, but I think she needs to. She told me Matt has done it multiple times. I love her, and I don't want it to keep happening because she's an amazing person.

Her life isn't going well, either. Her mom has stage 4 colon cancer and is in her final year. Her stepdad isn't the best person, and Layla has a disease herself. I'm really worried about her. What should I do? -- STANDING BY IN OREGON

DEAR STANDING BY: You should be worried. Encourage Layla to contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (rainn.org or 800-656-4673) and tell someone there what has been happening. Offer to be with her for emotional support when she does it. Her "best friend" (!) Matt is a predator, and for the sake of her own mental health she must no longer allow herself to be victimized.

Layla will need your friendship and support while her mother spends this final year battling her disease. It's a shame that her stepfather isn't supportive, but he may be grieving in his own way and unable to.

With the amount of stress that your friend is under, it is not surprising that she's ill. Stress can weaken the immune system. If she's being treated by a doctor for her illness, her doctor should be made aware of everything that's going on. She may be more inclined to reveal it if you accompany her to an appointment.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 31 years. We have four lovely children and seven grandchildren.

I went to visit a friend out of state for a week. After I returned home, I went to make our bed. When I pulled back the sheets, I found a pair of lacy underwear that is absolutely not mine. I want to confront my husband, but what if I'm wrong? I wonder if there's a logical explanation or it belongs to one of my children who no longer live in the house.

Abby, I love my husband, but I cannot tolerate betrayal like this. What should I do? -- ON PINS AND NEEDLES

DEAR ON PINS AND NEEDLES: Unless your husband has taken to wearing lacy underwear to bed, it appears there may have been a sleepover guest in your absence. Show him what you found, tell him you love him but will not tolerate a betrayal like this. Then insist on marriage counseling. If he values your 31-year marriage, he will take you up on it.

DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that a woman I have been very close with for the last 2 1/2 years has been faking breast cancer. She's a single mother. I decided to be there for her when she first told me about it, and have helped her extensively to pay for her chemo, radiation and other treatments. It turns out the payments were going toward luxuries and cosmetic surgery I discovered only later. The biggest violation for me in all of this was the emotional manipulation.

I have many questions now about how to proceed, but my question to you is: Can someone who is capable of doing this ever truly change? She has expressed some remorse and said that she wants help, but I'm not sure how to proceed. Most people have told me to cut my losses and just walk away or take legal action. There are so many questions involved in this betrayal, but I need to know if there is any hope for someone like this. -- CUTTING MY LOSSES

DEAR CUTTING: Not in my opinion. The woman has sociopathic tendencies -- she has no conscience, as she has amply demonstrated.

You should absolutely take legal action if you're interested in recouping your money. The first step would be to contact the police because the woman has committed fraud. The next step should be to call your lawyer. As to your hurt from her emotional manipulation, recognize that it's time to divorce yourself from your relationship with her.

DEAR ABBY: When children/babies are screaming, crying or misbehaving in a restaurant and the parents do nothing, can we approach them or tell our server to approach them to quiet their child or take the child outside? This happens frequently, and it ruins our dinner. We are senior citizens and would like to enjoy a quiet and peaceful meal. What's the proper way to handle this annoying situation? -- IRRITATED DINER

DEAR IRRITATED DINER: When a child is screaming or misbehaving, a good parent takes the child outside until he/she calms down so other patrons are not bothered. When you encounter a parent who has such little consideration for the rest of the patrons in the restaurant, do not approach. Ask the server to do it or refer the problem to the manager.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old college student (female) who needs advice regarding something I'm trying to figure out. An ex-boyfriend I'm good friends with recently introduced me to his new girlfriend, and I took a more-than-friendly liking to her at first meeting.

My feelings about her confused me at first. Then I began thinking about my past and realized I'm attracted to both men and women. I always thought I was simply curious, but now I'm sure it's more than that.

My family and friends are liberal and open-minded. I know they'll love me no matter what, but I'm confused about how I feel. While I have dated only men so far, I'd be more than willing to call a woman a partner as well. How do I come to terms with this personal revelation while I'm still exploring it? -- BI-CONFUSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR BI-CONFUSED: The logical way to come to terms with the revelation would be to follow it and see where it leads. I would only caution you to make sure the person is available and the interest is mutual when you do.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Aiden," and I have been together for eight months. We're both in our 20s. We go to his parents' house every other week for dinner. I get along with them quite well.

The problem is, Aiden's family eats very quickly, and I'm always the last one done. My family, on the other hand, tends to spend about an hour around the dinner table when we gather. Even when I try to eat quickly, I'm still way behind Aiden's family.

How can I politely address this? I hate to keep people waiting, but I believe it's wrong to leave food on my plate when I'm still hungry. -- CHEWING AS FAST AS I CAN

DEAR CHEWING: I agree you shouldn't leave food on your plate if you are still hungry. Eating slowly, thoroughly chewing one's food and enjoying a meal in a relaxed manner is healthy. Wolfing down one's food really isn't. You are not going to change Aiden's family's lifestyle. If you bring this up, they may become defensive. Just enjoy your food as you have been, and let them enjoy theirs in the way they are used to.

DEAR ABBY: What is an appropriate age to stop sending money or gifts to nieces, nephews and grandchildren? I have two nephews, and one of them turns 22 next month. I have been sending gifts or money for birthdays and Christmas ever since they were born, and I worry that they expect me to keep doing this until I pass away.

It is not that I can't afford to send these gifts, but as adults they shouldn't expect me to continue sending them money. I dread when my nephews start having children. Does that constitute another long-term obligation? -- BUYING THEIR LOVE IN ATLANTA

DEAR BUYING: The appropriate age to turn off the automated gift spigot would be when the "child" stops showing appreciation for the gifts or reaches adulthood. You are not obligated to give your nephews gifts for their children unless you are attending their baby showers or birthday celebrations.