DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling with a situation with my friends and colleagues.

I have a routine I stick to which keeps my priorities in check. I get done with work, go home, have dinner, work out and spend quality time with my puppy. Lately, people keep inviting me to weeknight happy hours and get-togethers, but more often than not, I don't want to go.

I'm conflicted because I feel obligated to go and be a "good friend," but if I do, I'm left feeling resentful because my routine has been interrupted. I'm also not one of those people who wants to be invited to everything and truly wouldn't be hurt to be excluded altogether. Please help. -- TIME FOR MYSELF IN THE EAST

DEAR TIME: Do not socially isolate yourself completely. Explain to your close friends and colleagues that you need your routine in order to function your best, which is why, although you would like to, you are unable to accept all the invitations you are being offered. Then pick and choose so you join them once or twice a month, and they won't think you don't like them -- particularly your colleagues.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 35 years. My oldest daughter, Amanda (now 39), wanted to find her "roots." I gave her as much info as I could find out about her dad, and she contacted and kind of enveloped herself into his family. Not good enough of a family, I guess, because now she has taken a DNA test. Now I'm really angry.

Amanda sent a text from an unknown "sister" asking if I knew who the daddy was. Why does the daddy du jour matter that much? Amanda was raised by a strong, loving and responsible man -- my husband. Are cheek swabs eliminating family? -- REAL FAMILY IN THE WEST

DEAR REAL FAMILY: On the contrary. They appear to be expanding "family" by leaps and bounds. Like many others, Amanda feels a need to know more about her background. You shouldn't feel angry about her curiosity because it's normal. That said, knowing the identity of her birth father should in no way lessen the importance of your husband in her life, particularly if they have had a close relationship.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago, I gave a friend a nice birthday gift that was for the whole family. It was a one-of-a-kind item I thought they would really enjoy. I had researched and read up on it and then had the piece custom designed. They said they loved the item when it arrived, but I have never seen them use it. When I ask where it is, they tell me it's still wrapped up in a box under the bed because they don't have room for it. I believe it, because their apartment is very crowded.

Would it be OK to ask if I could buy it back? I would like to have it since they are not using it. I am willing to pay whatever price they would feel comfortable with. Would this put them in an uncomfortable situation? -- NOT SURE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT SURE: Not knowing your friends, I can't predict what their reaction to your proposal would be. However, because the item is not being used, I don't think it would be out of line to ask the question. Go for it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently confessed to me that in my senior year of high school, she sabotaged my chance to go to my dream school (with a nearly full scholarship) because she didn't approve of my wanting to go to art school. I missed my orientation because she "got the date wrong" and then told me the school refused to reschedule. The truth is she never contacted them and let them think I was a no-show. Stupid child that I was, I believed her.

Abby, I can't begin to describe what an impact this has had on my life. She has used that incident as "proof" that I didn't know how to make good decisions. Every time we talked, she'd remind me that everything I was doing -- my friends, my relationships, my hobbies -- was a mistake, a waste of time or both. Finally, to preserve my sanity, I had to cut off contact with her, but my confidence and self-worth have never fully recovered.

Now, nearly 20 years later (after a very rocky, unstable reconciliation), she has confessed that she torched my dream on purpose. She said she was sorry, but immediately followed it up by saying she knows a few out-of-work graphic designers, and I should be grateful to have a stable job.

She refuses to go to counseling for any reason, and talking to her doesn't help. She deflects by talking about how bad I'm making her feel. I don't know what to do with my hurt feelings; the damage is done. But all that old pain is fresh again in a new, awful context, and I now dread to think of what she may want to be "honest" about next. Am I being too harsh? Must I just suck it up and let it go? -- COULD-BE ARTIST IN TENNESSEE

DEAR COULD-BE ARTIST: You are not being too harsh, and you should not suck it up! You now understand that your mother, who seems to have an obsessive need to control, isn't someone to be trusted. Because she can't be depended upon to do what's right for you (as most mothers are), you will have to emotionally emancipate from her. Counseling can help you to work through your pain and disappointment and reach that goal more quickly than if you try doing it on your own, and that's what I advise. You have my sympathy. Your mother's parenting technique was terrible.

P.S. It's never too late. You can get back on your path by going to art school now.

DEAR ABBY: What is the rule of etiquette if someone is visiting your town on vacation and you are at work? Are you obligated to take time off from your job? Or should the vacationers work around your schedule to visit with you? My feeling is if they are on vacation, they should be flexible and not expect you to call in sick to work or use your vacation time. -- BUSY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BUSY: No rule of etiquette dictates that you must take time away from your job to entertain out-of-town guests -- particularly if you haven't invited them. Considerate visitors would (and should) accommodate your schedule rather than expect you to hold their hands.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing you about dating in these modern times. Lately I have become perplexed at the vanity and immoral behavior now associated with the task of dating. I'm a single man living by myself with no responsibilities but my own. I am looking for someone who will fit into my lifestyle. Unfortunately, I have encountered some roadblocks that keep me single.

First: I am not looking for a ready-made family.

Second: I'm not in a position to analyze her last relationship, which left emotional baggage.

Third: I am definitely not looking for someone who isn't business- or life-orientated.

What I want to find is someone who doesn't have a long history of suitors or life issues that cause further relationship problems. How do I go about separating the disposables from the possibles? -- DATING IN 2019

DEAR DATING: I find it interesting that nowhere in your letter have you given the impression that you are capable of compromise. I don't know where you are looking, but I suppose you could eliminate hundreds of candidates from your search simply by reading their resumes and swiping left. However, when you do that, you eliminate women who might make excellent life partners if given the chance.

Successful mature relationships require flexibility and empathy, and you appear to not understand that. Please consider what I have said. You will find what you are looking for by associating with like-minded individuals and telling them you are looking. Broadening your search in this way could yield surprising results.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother died suddenly two years ago. He was only in his 30s. After his death I found out he had been homeless and living out of his car. I blame myself for not knowing and not being there when he needed someone.

My siblings seem to have gotten over it, but even after my weekly therapy sessions I can't seem to stop crying when I see his picture or hear his name. Is something wrong with me because I can't seem to let go? It's so bad that I can't visit his grave because I get panic attacks on the way there. -- STILL GRIEVING IN MONTANA

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your older brother. If you were unaware of his financial situation and that he was homeless, it was likely because he didn't want you to know. So stop blaming yourself for it.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist regularly, because when a person has experienced a loss like yours and is grieving as you are, therapy can help to relieve the guilt and trauma survivors sometimes feel after the death of a loved one. However, because you have been in therapy for the length of time you have and are not making progress, it may be time to consider changing therapists.