DEAR ABBY: My mother recently confessed to me that in my senior year of high school, she sabotaged my chance to go to my dream school (with a nearly full scholarship) because she didn't approve of my wanting to go to art school. I missed my orientation because she "got the date wrong" and then told me the school refused to reschedule. The truth is she never contacted them and let them think I was a no-show. Stupid child that I was, I believed her.

Abby, I can't begin to describe what an impact this has had on my life. She has used that incident as "proof" that I didn't know how to make good decisions. Every time we talked, she'd remind me that everything I was doing -- my friends, my relationships, my hobbies -- was a mistake, a waste of time or both. Finally, to preserve my sanity, I had to cut off contact with her, but my confidence and self-worth have never fully recovered.

Now, nearly 20 years later (after a very rocky, unstable reconciliation), she has confessed that she torched my dream on purpose. She said she was sorry, but immediately followed it up by saying she knows a few out-of-work graphic designers, and I should be grateful to have a stable job.

She refuses to go to counseling for any reason, and talking to her doesn't help. She deflects by talking about how bad I'm making her feel. I don't know what to do with my hurt feelings; the damage is done. But all that old pain is fresh again in a new, awful context, and I now dread to think of what she may want to be "honest" about next. Am I being too harsh? Must I just suck it up and let it go? -- COULD-BE ARTIST IN TENNESSEE

DEAR COULD-BE ARTIST: You are not being too harsh, and you should not suck it up! You now understand that your mother, who seems to have an obsessive need to control, isn't someone to be trusted. Because she can't be depended upon to do what's right for you (as most mothers are), you will have to emotionally emancipate from her. Counseling can help you to work through your pain and disappointment and reach that goal more quickly than if you try doing it on your own, and that's what I advise. You have my sympathy. Your mother's parenting technique was terrible.

P.S. It's never too late. You can get back on your path by going to art school now.

DEAR ABBY: What is the rule of etiquette if someone is visiting your town on vacation and you are at work? Are you obligated to take time off from your job? Or should the vacationers work around your schedule to visit with you? My feeling is if they are on vacation, they should be flexible and not expect you to call in sick to work or use your vacation time. -- BUSY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BUSY: No rule of etiquette dictates that you must take time away from your job to entertain out-of-town guests -- particularly if you haven't invited them. Considerate visitors would (and should) accommodate your schedule rather than expect you to hold their hands.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing you about dating in these modern times. Lately I have become perplexed at the vanity and immoral behavior now associated with the task of dating. I'm a single man living by myself with no responsibilities but my own. I am looking for someone who will fit into my lifestyle. Unfortunately, I have encountered some roadblocks that keep me single.

First: I am not looking for a ready-made family.

Second: I'm not in a position to analyze her last relationship, which left emotional baggage.

Third: I am definitely not looking for someone who isn't business- or life-orientated.

What I want to find is someone who doesn't have a long history of suitors or life issues that cause further relationship problems. How do I go about separating the disposables from the possibles? -- DATING IN 2019

DEAR DATING: I find it interesting that nowhere in your letter have you given the impression that you are capable of compromise. I don't know where you are looking, but I suppose you could eliminate hundreds of candidates from your search simply by reading their resumes and swiping left. However, when you do that, you eliminate women who might make excellent life partners if given the chance.

Successful mature relationships require flexibility and empathy, and you appear to not understand that. Please consider what I have said. You will find what you are looking for by associating with like-minded individuals and telling them you are looking. Broadening your search in this way could yield surprising results.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother died suddenly two years ago. He was only in his 30s. After his death I found out he had been homeless and living out of his car. I blame myself for not knowing and not being there when he needed someone.

My siblings seem to have gotten over it, but even after my weekly therapy sessions I can't seem to stop crying when I see his picture or hear his name. Is something wrong with me because I can't seem to let go? It's so bad that I can't visit his grave because I get panic attacks on the way there. -- STILL GRIEVING IN MONTANA

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your older brother. If you were unaware of his financial situation and that he was homeless, it was likely because he didn't want you to know. So stop blaming yourself for it.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist regularly, because when a person has experienced a loss like yours and is grieving as you are, therapy can help to relieve the guilt and trauma survivors sometimes feel after the death of a loved one. However, because you have been in therapy for the length of time you have and are not making progress, it may be time to consider changing therapists.

DEAR ABBY: I'm currently in a mental hospital. I have been in and out for years because of suicide attempts and drug use. My drug of choice is crystal meth, and it has been a vicious cycle.

I'm 19 and will be 20 soon. I would like to share my story with your readers, young and old, who may feel lost or alone. I was sexually abused and have prostituted myself for drugs when I was desperate. I'm going through intensive treatment now. When I was at my lowest, my family looked the other way.

What I want to tell people is to get help if they are contemplating suicide. I want them to know their lives are valuable. I struggle with hallucinations, and it's scary at times. But no matter what we go through in life, we must remember that we were built to be resilient. I believe in our strength. Thanks, Abby. -- OVERCOMING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR OVERCOMING: I believe in your strength as well, and I'm glad that you are getting treatment. Recovery from addiction can be a daily challenge, which takes courage and determination. You appear to have both.

I am printing your letter because it carries an important message for anyone who is feeling suicidal. The phone number of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 800-273-8255, and it is toll-free.

DEAR ABBY: I work in close quarters with two women. They often talk politics, and I am very aware of their views. They asked me if I was voting in the midterms, and I answered in the affirmative, but offered no details as my vote is my personal business.

Since then, I have been told, "You are part of the problem." "People like you ..." and, "It must be nice to not care." I don't know how to respond to these hurtful comments, which make me feel terrible. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I don't think it's appropriate to discuss this at work in the first place.

I am not sure how to handle this if it continues. I don't want these women to hate me. I respect them, but this is a sensitive topic. -- NOT THE PLACE

DEAR NOT THE PLACE: I agree that, for the most part, discussing politics in the workplace is inappropriate because there are bound to be disagreements, which are not conducive to a pleasant environment. Hopefully, now that the midterms are behind us, the hostility will die down -- at least for a while.

If it persists, tell your co-workers that what they are doing is hurtful and you want them to stop. And if they don't, then discuss it with your supervisor or employer because what they are doing is creating a hostile working environment.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine is a pretty fair oil painter. She occasionally sells one. I would like to buy a painting she recently finished. She quoted me a price, but phrased it as a question, "Does $-- sound OK?" Would it be rude if I offered her less than that for the painting? -- BETTER OFFER IN THE WEST

DEAR BETTER OFFER: No, it would not be rude. It's common for buyers to negotiate the price of art objects. It is done all the time, and she shouldn't take offense if you offer her what you think is a fair price. Remember, if she doesn't agree, she can make a counteroffer.