DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law gave me a tablet that he was not using, as he had upgraded. He removed most of his information. When I went to set up my accounts, I noticed his list of apps and passwords was still present and saw four accounts to an adult dating site.

My daughter and SIL have been together/married for four years. The tablet is less than 2 years old. I don't know what to do: (1) act like I never saw it, (2) tell him what I found and hope for a good explanation, or (3) tell my daughter. This will destroy her. Please help! -- SIGN ME DEVASTATED

DEAR SIGN ME: Tell your son-in-law what you found and ask for an explanation. What he tells you will determine what steps you should take next.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my best friend, "Bridget," do not get along. They remain civil most of the time, but one thing is threatening to ruin the peace.

When Bridget visits, she likes to bring along little toys and treats for my cats. That's fine, but she also opens bags of loose catnip and sprinkles it throughout the house. My husband hates it because the catnip gets everywhere, and it's a chore to clean up. When he politely asked Bridget to stop, she told him to "stuff it" and said the cats like it.

She continues to do it every time she comes over, and my husband has grown more and more upset. I'm not sure how to mediate this. What can I do? -- CAT-ASTROPHE IN ATLANTA

DEAR CAT-ASTROPHE: At this point, Bridget isn't bringing the catnip over because she thinks your cats like it. She's doing it to antagonize your husband. If you continue allowing her to do this, it could affect your relationship with your husband, so if you're smart, you will back him up and tell her to cut it out. (Meow!)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a medical student who has been battling depression over the past few months. I didn't do well on a recent very important exam, and I've sunk even deeper into my depression.

I have tried reaching out to fellow classmates about it, but they tell me to just suck it up or assume I want attention. I tried talking to my family, but ever since the loss of a beloved pet, my parents are having a difficult time emotionally, and I don't want to trouble them even further.

I feel trapped and lonely and there's only so much more I can take of putting on a mask every day to pretend I'm happy. I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- LONELY AND DEPRESSED IN CHICAGO

DEAR LONELY: Putting on a mask isn't the solution. The problem with depression is that, like any other untreated illness, it can grow worse. Because your depression began before that exam, I'm recommending you consult one of the psychiatrists at the medical school for guidance. Please don't wait to do it. You should also tell your parents, pet death or no pet death, because they need to know as well.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 34 good years. He's a little older than I am and was married twice before we met while in our 20s. (They were very brief marriages.) When we married, I knew about one of his marriages, but learned about the other one only much later from his sister. I was stunned and felt betrayed that he hadn't told me, but we worked it out.

My husband loves to tell stories about everything he's ever done, but he never says a word about those earlier relationships. Long ago, I asked a few times about what happened, and he cut me off. My question is why, especially after our 34 years together, can't he be straight with me once and for all and tell me what happened?

I haven't brought this up in a long time, but it seems like we should be able to talk about it openly. I'm curious, but not in a petty way. I just wonder what happened. In the past he has said it is "none of my business."

Why is he so rude and closemouthed about these marriages from so long ago? Should I never ask again? -- MISSING THE WHOLE STORY

DEAR MISSING: I am guessing the reason your husband reacts the way he has when you tried to talk about his first two marriages is because he is ashamed about what happened. He may have cheated on his wives, or they cheated or took advantage of him in some way. I don't blame you for wanting to know your husband's history, but your marriage has worked for 34 years, and really, how relevant is this information in the scheme of things? Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: After my sister got pregnant, she married the baby's father. They struggle financially, and my family helps as much as we can, but it still isn't enough.

Her husband has no high school diploma, and he has a criminal record from 20 years ago, although he hasn't been in trouble since. He claims he has dyslexia and health problems, but he still smokes and drinks. No doctor will sign off on his being disabled. He isn't motivated enough to find a job or help my sister with chores. She finally asked me to help by talking to him.

How do I start a conversation with him to say he needs to step up and contribute? We're cordial but not close. I don't want to alienate him. He has threatened to take my nephew, but he has no money or place to go. This man is 40 years old and lives like a teenager. Any advice? -- ANNA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANNA: Your brother-in-law isn't likely to listen to you any more than he has listened to your sister. If there are any male relatives in your family, it might be more effective if he hears the message from them. The fact that he may (or may not) have dyslexia is no excuse for his lack of motivation. Many successful people have dyslexia and are able to thrive.

Because your sister's husband is threatening to take their child and run, she should talk to a lawyer about what steps she needs to take in order to prevent this deadbeat from following through. Call your state bar association or contact a local law school for guidance about getting low-cost or free legal advice. She may also want to ask about divorce so she doesn't wind up supporting him forever.

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2019! A new year has arrived, and with it our chance for a new beginning.

Today we have an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's resolutions, which were adapted by my late mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. And I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by L.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

And so, Dear Readers, may 2019 bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY