DEAR ABBY: My best friend is being married, and the wedding invitation lists the attire as "black tie." I understand this usually means the men should wear tuxedos. Several of the men who have been invited have told me they plan to wear dark suits instead. Is this appropriate for a black tie event? I suppose there's no way to force anyone to wear something they don't want to, but I'm wondering if black tie is a requirement or a suggestion. -- WEDDING ATTIRE ETIQUETTE

DEAR ATTIRE: If an invitation specifies "black tie," it means that formal attire is preferred. The rules of etiquette dictate that guests should comply. However, breaking a rule of etiquette is not a felony. If these invitees prefer not to go to the expense of renting a tux, ask your best friend if he/she would be offended if they wore dark suits and conservative ties to the wedding instead.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and love my boyfriend a lot. He is very sweet and would do anything for me. However, I am beginning to think there may be someone else. The someone else is male.

My boyfriend has become very secretive lately with his phone, and I've noticed he's followed a lot of male modeling accounts on Instagram. Should I confront him about it, or am I overthinking things? -- CONFLICTED IN IOWA

DEAR CONFLICTED: You are not overthinking. Because you are having doubts about your boyfriend's faithfulness, ask him why he has become secretive with his phone and why he is viewing male models on Instagram. Unless he's trying to become a model, it is possible that he may be bisexual. If that's the case -- and you are correct that he would "do anything" for you -- he should level with you about it.

P.S. If you have been having unprotected sex with this young man, I urge you to be tested for STDs as soon as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl in my sophomore year. School is going really good, I'm getting my grades up, I made the varsity lacrosse team, and I have amazing friends. But our school tells us that during our sophomore school year, we should start to look at colleges. Neither of my parents went to college, and I'm not sure what I should be doing to prepare. I'm only an average student, and I don't really know what I should ask my guidance counselor or look for in a college. What do you think I should do? -- STUDENT IN NEW YORK

DEAR STUDENT: That your parents didn't go to college doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't. If your grades need improvement, ask your teachers what you need to do to earn better grades. Make an appointment with your guidance counselor and explain exactly what you have told me. When you do, I am sure the person will be glad to help you.

DEAR ABBY: I suffer from a debilitating, rare, chronic illness. Two years ago, my parents convinced me to move across the country to live with them in a city I've never lived in. They promised it would be "only for a year," they'd pay the cost of moving and finance a "year of wellness." I was to receive acupuncture, massage therapy, physical therapy, help from doctors, a personal trainer, etc.

They paid to move me, but have not followed through with any of their promises to help treat my disorder. What's more, I have had to fit an entire apartment's worth of furniture and other items into a small bedroom, and I'm not allowed to use the rest of the house.

Now that I am here, I can't afford to pay to move back east or possibly find a place to live or work without being established in this new city. Is there a way to address the predicament I am now in and the fact that they relocated me without keeping their promises? I'm extremely shy and have made no friends in this town these past two years. -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: You should not be isolated the way you are. And you need more help than I can give you in a letter. From your description, you are a prisoner in your parents' home. Contact your doctor back east about what has been going on. Of course, if you have friends there, you should alert them, too.

You will not get better living as you are. For your parents to have promised help and reneged is inexcusable. If there is an organization that supports your rare illness, it should be contacted too. Please do not wait.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 22 and I'm dating this amazing guy a couple of years older than me. He really checks off so many things on my "list," I can't help but be attracted to and appreciate him. He is a good guy, good looking, real smart and our values match up. We also have a really good vibe together.

Here's the issue: He is not as tall as I would prefer. He's not super short, but we are the same height and when I wear shoes with a small heel, he's slightly shorter.

I don't know why I'm still thinking about the height thing when I could really see us together long term. Am I being superficial? What should I do? -- UNSURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNSURE: Ask yourself this: Is your self-confidence so lacking that you would seriously allow his height to bother you? If the fact that you would be self-conscious wearing heels with him could deter you from a long-term relationship, you should let him go because your values are not as alike as you would like to think.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away nine months ago at the age of 52. I miss him every day.

Recently, a man who was a friend of ours asked me out on a date. I must be honest -- the last nine months have been very sad and lonely, so when he asked me, I experienced a mixed bag of emotions. Would it be wrong to accept his invitation? And how do I deal with the guilt I'm feeling because I would like to go out with him? -- MUST BE MOVING AHEAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MUST BE MOVING AHEAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. It's not surprising that the period since his passing has been difficult for you. There is no set timetable for grieving the loss of a loved one. If you feel the time is right to have companionship again, you should not feel guilty about it. Go, girl, go.

DEAR ABBY: My psychiatrist's office called and left a very sensitive voicemail about my bulimia on a message machine shared with other individuals. Our voicemails are sent transcribed to everyone's email accounts.

Since my complaint (which was an argument during which the nurse who left the private information hung up on me), human resources and the office manager have contacted me to try to alleviate the tension, but I have received no apology from anyone for violating HIPAA or embarrassing me. Should I throw in the towel and find a new doctor or revoke my contact information from their files? I don't know how to proceed from here. -- PERSONAL TO PUBLIC

DEAR PERSONAL: If you provided a shared phone number as your point of contact, you should not have blamed the person who left the message for using it. I see no reason to change doctors, but you should definitely alter your client information so this doesn't happen in the future.

That said, does your psychiatrist know one of his/her employees hung up on you? If not, the doctor should be informed, and you should be offered an apology.

DEAR ABBY: As guardians of our 5-year-old grandson, we have been given all rights, no terms. He has a father who is "on again, off again" and makes zero financial contribution. I want to cut him off because consistency and effort are important to me, and he shows none.

My husband, on the other hand, says the boy is young, and I should give his father some time because contact once every other month is better than none at all. Our grandson enjoys him when he is here, but he doesn't miss him or ask for him once he's left. Should I allow this inconsistency and instability to continue? -- PARENTS AGAIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARENTS AGAIN: I think your husband is right. While the father's presence may be sporadic, at least your grandson knows that he is cared about. As he grows older, he may or may not start asking why his dad isn't around more. Deal with it then. The boy's stability is coming from the home you and your husband are providing for him, and that should be your focus.

DEAR ABBY: I'm close to my brother and his wife. My friend "Dotty"-- who is estranged from her husband -- thinks my brother is hot, so when she sees him (without his wife) she greets him with a quick kiss on the lips. I have told her I don't think my sister-in-law would like it if she saw her do that.

Since then, Dotty has asked him to do repair work at her house (without pay) and he agreed because he is kindhearted. I told her subtly that I didn't think that was a good idea. Is her behavior toward married men normal? -- TOO FRIENDLY IN HAWAII

DEAR TOO FRIENDLY: It is, for a woman who is friendly, outgoing and on the prowl. You may be dropping hints about what Dotty is doing to the wrong person. The next time you talk to your brother, tell him what you think about your friend's behavior, and ask him what he thinks his wife would think about it.