DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two young boys. My husband, "Cliff," and I earn approximately the same amount and contribute equally to our household expenses.

It bothers me that if we're on a family excursion, and he's driving my minivan and we get low on gas, he will fill the tank up only halfway. Additionally, when we met my friend recently for a birthday celebration, when we were leaving the parking garage, Cliff demanded my credit card to pay for the parking. (The fee was $13.)

Unlike his past girlfriends, I have never used his credit cards to buy fancy clothes at expensive boutiques. I pay for house renovations that I feel are important -- porch repair, wallpaper, bedroom furniture for our children, recessed lighting, etc. out of my own pocket.

For our upcoming anniversary, when I asked Cliff where we would be going so I could plan accordingly, he asked me why I wasn't taking him out to celebrate our anniversary. What do you make of all of this? Frankly, it saddens me. -- MONEY'S THE ISSUE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ISSUE: You are short-changing yourself. If you and your husband agreed to split expenses equally, you should not be paying out-of-pocket for repairs and decoration. That your husband is so determined not to be taken advantage of financially that he would fill the gas tank only halfway saddens me, too.

However, on the subject of anniversaries, he does have a valid point, so why not alternate anniversaries with him? One year he'll do the planning and take you out to celebrate, and the next year you'll do it for him.

DEAR ABBY: My son moved back home after college two years ago. He had major surgery on his leg two weeks after his graduation and a 14-month recuperation, which I helped him through. He hasn't been able to find work in his field of study. He did work for about three months, then quit.

He bought an expensive rottweiler puppy while he was working, but now he's unable to pay for the shots, food and general care of this puppy. I'm struggling financially and cannot afford to help with the expenses.

The puppy is destroying my house, pulling my sofa cushions from the sofa, gnawing on my woodwork, etc. My son is accusing me of being "materialistic and selfish." I feel he should have waited until he had his own place before he got a dog. I already have one, "Siggy," that was my son's when he was 10 years old. He no longer wants Siggy because he's old now. I love Siggy as my own, and one dog is enough for me now. Please advise. -- CARELESS IN TEXAS

DEAR CARELESS: Your son may be chronologically an adult, but he's acting like a spoiled child. Rather than call you names, he should be grateful you have supported him to the degree that you have. Start talking to him like the grown-up he is and tell him if he can't support his rottweiler, he must contact a rescue group that can find it a loving home with a responsible guardian who will ensure it receives the care it deserves. Unfortunately, your son does not qualify.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and have been with my boyfriend on and off for five years. I love him very much. I often overthink things, and a constant frustration of mine is that he makes no romantic gestures at all. He drowns me in compliments and shows his love in other ways.

I always have to take the initiative and suggest he do romantic things like send me cards or flowers, take me to dinner, etc., but he only does them when I ask. It doesn't feel like enough for me. I worry that when we get married, over time I will grow bored or no longer be attracted to him because he is so unromantic. Am I just overthinking? What should I do? -- ROMANTIC ONE IN AUSTIN

DEAR ROMANTIC: From what you have written it seems that you may be more in love with the idea of romantic gestures than you are with the man you have. Many women would be thrilled to have someone who drowns them with compliments and shows his love in other ways. If you are truly worried that you will be bored if you marry him or -- worse -- turned off, then please, turn him loose so he can find someone who appreciates him for who he is, and you can meet someone who will make your dreams come true.

DEAR ABBY: My friend who was suddenly widowed two years ago continues to insert her late husband into every conversation with friends and strangers alike. She's still depressed, grieving and searching for significance, and she shares it all in person and online.

Early on, she had counseling but no longer feels it necessary. She claims it helps her to talk about him constantly. Most of us close to her avoid the elephant in the room. I find myself apologizing for her in group gatherings I take her to. People try to offer sympathy, but are surprised when they realize he's been gone two years.

I endure with love, but wonder if this is the best path. Personally, I want to let him rest in peace. But that's hard when he's always "in the room." Advice? -- WANTING TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR WANTING: Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timetable. However, your friend may need more support and counseling than you and others she meets socially can offer. She has my sympathy, but that deeply grieving woman needs to hear what you have written to me. Tell her, as kindly as possible, that she needs to vent to a professional so she can get more help through this difficult period.

DEAR ABBY: A male family friend who is gay works at a local business my wife and I patronize regularly. We always stop and chat when he's there, but he does something that irritates me. He addresses my wife as "Sweetie." My wife thinks I'm being silly because he's gay; I say one's sexual orientation doesn't negate manners and how one man should address another man's wife. I'm not annoyed to the point that I'd confront the guy, but I promised my wife I'd ask you your opinion. -- BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOTHERED: There is nothing rude about a family friend -- gay or straight -- calling someone's wife "Sweetie." My opinion is you should lighten up.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is my best friend. He is also an alcoholic. It runs in our family, and he has been addicted for years. His drinking has affected me in several (minor) ways over the years, but I have always taken a hands-off approach, knowing I can't force him to get help.

Well, his drinking is starting to affect my life in a more severe way now. I joined the local police force. I am afraid that my brother's behavior could cost me my job if I'm seen with him while he acts out, or if I try to defend him.

I love my brother fiercely, and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I need to avoid him, but I love him. Please help. -- CHALLENGED IN THE EAST

DEAR CHALLENGED: Establish some ground rules by explaining to your brother that although you love him, you cannot be seen with him if he has been drinking, for fear it will jeopardize your job. It's a valid concern. Make clear that if he breaks the law, you will be unable to intercede for him.

You are not responsible for his addiction or for what he does when he's under the influence. I'm not saying this will be emotionally easy for you, but you must let your brother suffer the consequences for his behavior if he acts out.

DEAR ABBY: I have severe asthma and allergies, and I'm particularly sensitive to bug sprays. If I'm exposed to them, my lips and tongue tingle for hours.

Every time my husband of 30 years sees a bug or even a small ant in our house, he reaches for the bug spray and saturates the house with it. Given the length of our marriage, he is well aware of how it affects me. I have asked him many times to please not use spray in the house, particularly when I am home, to no avail.

He did it again yesterday and got angry with me when I asked why. He reads your column, so I know he will see your response to my inquiry. What is your advice? -- FED UP IN FLORIDA

DEAR FED UP: Stop asking your husband not to use bug spray while you are in the house. Be proactive and throw it out! You clearly have a severe allergy to something in it, and for him to persist in spraying while you are on the premises strikes me as not only selfish but also as a form of assault that's potentially very serious. Call an exterminator to have it professionally done. There are other, less toxic ways to get rid of pests, and you should go online and explore them.

DEAR ABBY: I asked a woman I know professionally if she'd be interested in having lunch. She said she would, and we had a lovely lunch -- until the bill came. When I suggested we split it, she suggested I make it a business expense. I told her I couldn't do that because it wasn't a business lunch.

I know if you invite someone to lunch, you pay, but I didn't think that's what I did. I have done this before -- and since -- and everyone pays for themselves. Do I owe this woman an apology? -- EVERYONE PAYS IN TEXAS

DEAR EVERYONE: Not unless she became defensive. However, because you did the inviting, you should have paid the bill. If you want to lunch with her again, you should specify, "Let's split it."