DEAR ABBY: My dad died when I was young. He and Mom had a beautiful marriage. Mom was in a long relationship following his death and has been single for three years now. She has been spending lots of time with a family friend who lost his wife some time ago. They have known each other for years, even when Dad was alive.

She goes over to his place for romantic dinners, they talk on the phone at least once a day, and he helps her with anything she needs around the house. He goes above and beyond to show her he's interested in her without actually saying those words, and he has told her she needs to take him more seriously when he invites her on trips because she laughs it off.

Mom flip-flops between being interested and being convinced he doesn't want a serious relationship. Everyone around her thinks she's crazy not to give it a try. I don't know how much I can push her. I haven't seen her this happy in years. I think she's scared and nervous, and I also think she'll regret it if she keeps rejecting his overtures. I think the ball is in her court now. I need help convincing her to pursue this. What can I do? -- HOPEFUL DAUGHTER IN CANADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: Tell your mother it's time to stop laughing and have a serious conversation with this man. Their relationship stands no chance of progressing further if she isn't willing to allow it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance has a female friend he has known since they were 15 years old. She's always in the way, and he always makes excuses for anything she does wrong. The most frequent excuses are, "She was there when nobody else was there," or, "She's the only one who would have my back."

OK, I get it. But that was years ago, and I have constantly reminded him that I have his back now and she can step aside. But he says he's loyal to his friends, and he will never abandon her or any of them.

As much as I love my fiance and want to be his wife, I can't accept this person in our lives. Abby, I really need your advice. Should I give his ring back, or should I keep quiet and let her continue to invade our relationship? -- DEPRESSED FIANCEE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FIANCEE: Try this. Tell your fiance that you would like the two of you to have premarital counseling to be sure you are on the same page regarding issues that "might" come up after your marriage. Couples usually have this kind of counseling to facilitate discussions about important subjects such as how their finances will be managed, whether they agree on how to raise children, etc. During one of those sessions, you should raise the subject of his old friend "who is constantly in the way" and let the counselor/mediator guide you through the discussion. And if you can't come to a mutual agreement, you should then return the ring.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my 40s. All my life I wanted nothing more than to get married and have a beautiful child. I have been in two relationships -- one for nine years and the other for 11 years.

I suppose it's unusual for a man to long for a child. My baby days are about over, yet I still long for one. I have adult stepchildren and grandchildren. We even fostered four children for two years. I love them all, yet I still feel so empty.

On top of it, my mother constantly says, "I wish you would make me a grandmother." I tell her my stepkids are her grandchildren, but she insists on grieving that I don't have a biological child. I am not able to, and I have explained it to her.

My wife tries to understand my pain but just can't. It causes distance between us, and she shuts down. How can I forget about these desires and move on with life? -- DADDY ISSUES IN INDIANA

DEAR DADDY ISSUES: I'm glad you reached out for guidance. Wanting biological children is a normal human desire, and it isn't limited to just one gender.

Some sessions with a mental health professional may not be able to make you forget your lifelong wish to be a biological father, but therapy could help you to move on with your life and past the pain you are feeling. With the help of your therapist, perhaps you can help your mother understand that venting her frustration over your inability to produce the grandchild of her dreams has been excruciating, and you need her to stop once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about a friend of mine. When she was a child, her parents tried to raise her to be neat, but her bedroom, closets and bathroom were always a mess. Now that she has a home of her own and is married with kids, she's still the same. Clothing and towels are piled so deep on the floor you can't see it.

She has a housekeeper, and before the woman comes over to clean, my friend picks the stuff up. I don't know how they can tell what's clean or dirty when it has been walked on all week. The rest of the house is OK, but as you walk in the door, shoes are thrown here and there, like, "I'm home now. I'm free. Let it go. No rules." Her teenage daughter is now modeling the same behavior.

Is this some kind of disorder? To me, it would be just as easy to dump things into a hamper, on a shelf or in a drawer. Her husband is neat, and so is her son. I love her and it's none of my business, but is my way the wrong way? Am I the one with a disorder? -- ORDERLY IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ORDERLY: Your friend may have refused to be neat as a form of rebellion against her parents who, according to you, did not enforce the rules they set for her. It's not surprising the daughter is imitating her mother, which may come back to haunt her in a few years.

But none of you have a disorder. I do have a suggestion for you, however. Quit obsessing about your friend's sloppy household and parenting because there is nothing you can do about it.

TO MY READERS: I am wishing you a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an online invitation to a New Year's Eve party at the home of a dear cousin. Having not heard from her in a while, I decided to call her to express our delight at having been invited and let her know we might be able to come. (They live 350 miles away, but we plan to be in their town earlier that week and could potentially stay a few days longer and go to the party.)

Well, when I called, she told me that our having been included on the e-vite was a mistake! She said there must have been a mix-up because my email address is similar to a friend of hers who is invited.

Although she then said we were welcome to come, we declined saying, "Thank you for your flexibility given the awkward circumstance. Forgive us, but I think we'll stick to our original plan to come back north around Dec. 28."

Could this have been handled better? It has put a strain on an otherwise lovely relationship. -- EMBARRASSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your dear cousin was clearly caught flat-footed by your phone call, but she should not have blurted out that your invitation was a mistake, although she did try to clean it up by telling you you were welcome to come.

I don't blame you for telling her you would stick to your original plan because I doubt you would have felt comfortable had you chosen to attend. The way to handle this going forward would be to make a New Year's resolution to forgive her for the breach of etiquette, not allow it to create a rift in your relationship and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a school. There's this woman here I would like to know. She's 21; I'm 24. I do maintenance and janitorial work. She's a professional. I wrote her a note wishing her and her family well for the holidays. She texted me once, thanking me for the note and wishing me happy holidays, too.

I want more communication. I'm not sure if she's nervous and doesn't know what to say. She seems like an incredible person, and I'd hate to pass up the opportunity to know her better. What's your take on this? -- HER FUTURE FRIEND? IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FRIEND: Because you both work at the same school there could be rules against fraternization or even sexual harassment that could put your job in jeopardy if you do what you have in mind, however innocent it may be. That's why I don't recommend it. Appreciate the opportunity to work with pleasant, wonderful, "incredible" people, but leave it at that.

DEAR ABBY: I am an estate planner who would like to say that folks who don't believe in writing thank-you letters have no idea how much they may have lost by not sending those little notes of gratitude. I am talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars that have not gone to people who failed to pen a note and buy a stamp.

Many of my clients who are grandparents tell me they are leaving nothing to the "children" who never thanked them. They say the ingrates deserve what they'll be getting, which is nothing. -- PATRICIA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR PATRICIA: I'm printing your letter verbatim. A word to the wise, folks ... Happy holidays!