DEAR ABBY: The holiday season is here, with the traditional family dinner get-togethers. Our problem is, our two children (ages 27 and 29) don't like each other and rarely have contact during the year. This creates such stressful holiday meals that my wife and I would prefer to simply not have them.

What words should we use to explain to both of them that we will no longer host holiday family dinners in the future? The conundrum arises if one of them says, "Well, I can come for Thanksgiving, so 'Jesse' can come for Christmas," which divides us in a way that is unacceptable. Although we have asked them to work out their issues, they have made no progress. Your advice? -- DAD STRESSED BY THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR DAD: Your "children" are adults and should be able to bury their differences two nights out of the year for your sake. If one makes that suggestion, your response should be: "No. It would only remind us that half our family is missing, which would sadden us on what's supposed to be a happy occasion. That's why your mother and I have decided to make other plans instead."

DEAR ABBY: I was visiting a neighbor whose son and daughter-in-law were also visiting. They have two daughters, ages 9 and 7. While I was there her son took the girls into the bathroom and gave them baths. I was shocked. The mom said, "That's his job!"

Abby, I could understand if they were toddlers, but by that age, they should be able to bathe themselves. When I asked her why, she said, "They play too much." Is this unusual? The grandmother -- my neighbor -- confided later that it made her uncomfortable, too, and said she has hinted to them both that the girls need privacy. What should we do or say, or is it none of our business? -- CONFUSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONFUSED: By the ages of 7 and 9, the girls should not only be capable of bathing themselves, but also be able to comprehend when either parent says, "You're splashing around too much. Cut out the funny business!" The parents should act only as monitors. While I don't think it's your place to say anything, I do think the grandmother should.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 64-year-old man who has decided to donate my body to science after I pass. Would it be helpful to write/have a bio that includes some of my medical history? I have broken my left arm twice and my little finger, which required surgery. Also, I broke my right wrist, which required surgery, including five temporary metal pins.

I am a Type 2 diabetic and have scars on my face from injuries from when I was a kid to adulthood. I'm not interested in writing a book but thought it might be helpful after I die for the medical institution. What do you think? -- CURIOUS IN FORT WORTH

DEAR CURIOUS: You are very thoughtful. However, it might be more fun for the medical students to discover these "surprises" for themselves.

DEAR ABBY: I am a shy, 30-year-old woman. I stay at home with our 10-month-old, primarily because of our family's financial situation.

I am gifted in the visual arts, but because I don't have an art degree, I'm unable to pursue a professional job in the arts. Instead, I have been advertising to teach private art lessons at home. One month in, I have one student.

The past months have been lonely, and I am aching for friendship. My husband doesn't seem to understand this. We know one family, but we are not close. I am considering offering free lessons to their kindergartner because it would not only help me to develop professionally, but also give me some adult interaction, which I desperately need. Again, my husband doesn't understand this, and doesn't want me to teach this child for free. How can I make him see? -- UNFULFILLED ARTIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ARTIST: Your husband appears to be unusually controlling. Have you told him the reason you want to give the family free art lessons is so you can have some much-needed adult interaction? If you haven't, you should, rather than keep silent.

He should not be isolating you the way he appears to be, which strikes me as worrisome. Is his motivation for keeping you in the house and away from others the money or something else?

I think you should try doing what you have in mind and see how it works out. And if there are other young mothers in your area who gather so their children can socialize, perhaps you could attend and make some friendships there. If your husband continues to be as possessive as he appears to be, consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 for suggestions.

P.S. I encourage you to go for that degree as soon as you are financially able.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson is 16, a good student, a great athlete and popular. We are very proud of him. The problem is, he has terrible acne and picks at his face constantly.

His mother, my daughter-in-law, is a nurse practitioner and a germaphobe. I'm constantly surprised that she doesn't take him to a dermatologist and remind him to keep his hands away from the sores on his face. I know it isn't my place to correct him or suggest a dermatologist. She certainly is aware that he has a problem, but she acts like it doesn't bother her.

While I realize this is a stage many teenagers go through and it will pass, his constant picking keeps his face red and looking irritated. Is there anything I can say or do to help without intruding in their space? -- CARING GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: Yes. Your grandson would not be picking at the pimples if they didn't bother him. Point out to your daughter-in-law that while your grandson's acne may be "just a phase," there are things that can be done to clear it up, and the solution is to consult a dermatologist before he gives himself scars that may last a lifetime. This would not be intruding. It would be acting like the loving, caring grandparent that you are.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. (So early this year!) Happy Hanukkah, everyone! A joyous Festival of Lights to all of us!

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and don't know what I want to do with my life. When I was younger, I was sure I wanted to go into the field of law. It was something my parents also wanted me to do.

I go to a very rigorous high school that's known for being challenging, and haven't been doing well grade-wise since I started. I used to be a straight-A student but have been getting B's and C's lately. This year in particular has been difficult because my parents are getting divorced.

I'm not sure if I want to be a lawyer anymore or even continue my education after college. When I talked with my parents about it, they got very mad and insisted I finish my education, become a lawyer and get a job. They don't want to give me any other option. Can you give me some suggestions about how I can not be so confused anymore? -- CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CONFUSED: This is something you should discuss with a counselor at your school. While I concur with your parents that it is important to complete your education, there are other ways to do it rather than become a lawyer. I say this because in some states there is a glut of law school graduates who, after all their effort and accrued student loan debt, cannot find jobs because there are no openings available for them.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a mid-sized town in the South. I need advice on how to politely tell people that I don't like drop-in company.

I work a stressful job. When I get home, I like to put on my old, comfortable clothes, curl up with a book or watch TV with my companion dog and be left alone. I'm not trying to be rude, but I think it is rude for people to drop in unannounced.

A few years ago, I had a life-threatening illness, and I am still getting my stamina back to full strength. I need downtime to recharge so I can handle the stresses of my job. However, I am apparently perceived in this Southern community as unfriendly. How do I put out the "NOT Welcome" mat while at the same time not alienating my community? -- LACKS SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY

DEAR LACKS: Honesty is the best policy. If apologies are due, express them. Explain to these nice people that you don't mean to appear unfriendly, and you would like to be social, but your job is stressful and takes a lot out of you, and the reason you can't entertain or socialize is you don't have the stamina. If they are offended after that, the problem is theirs.

DEAR ABBY: I have been separated from my husband for nine years and have no interest in getting back together with him. There's a guy who I believe is interested in me. He was married to my first cousin for nearly 40 years, until she passed away a little over a year ago. He's a really nice person, but I'm not sure I should (or even could) date him because he was married to my cousin. Is this OK or not? I could use some advice! -- CAUTIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS: If you were single, I would tell you it's fine -- go for it. But you're not single, which could cause disapproval within the family.