DEAR ABBY: I'm worried for my son. He's going on his first business trip in January -- to Japan. He doesn't drink alcohol. (He's not an alcoholic; it's his personal choice.) His bosses, who do business there frequently, are now telling him that the Japanese will not do business with you unless you drink with them first. Can you find out if this is true? And if it is, what can, or should, my son do? -- WORRIED MOM

DEAR WORRIED: Although alcohol can be a part of an important bonding ritual across East Asia, your son may be able to forge successful business relationships in other ways. According to Erin Meyer, a professor at the international graduate business school INSEAD and author of "The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business": "If you don't drink, you can certainly find other ways to partake in the fun; in Japan, a round of karaoke or a trip to the spa can do wonders." Because your son is involved in international business, he may find professor Meyer's book, which was published in 2014, will give him valuable insight.

DEAR ABBY: I have some concerns about my marriage. My husband is a retired U.S. veteran. He was married before we got together, and his former spouse receives his survivor benefits. This was something that was decided during their divorce. I am not entitled to anything.

I have been a loving wife and have taken care of him for the 14 years we have been married. He has one daughter who is 40-plus years old. I just found out that I am not his beneficiary on anything -- she is! This has me very worried. Please let me know what I need to do about this situation. -- LOVING WIFE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOVING WIFE: What you need to do is discuss this with your husband to see if he will modify his will, which may have been drafted before he married you. Then the two of you should talk to an attorney, preferably one who specializes in wills and trusts. If your husband is not willing to make an adjustment, then consult an attorney on your own because, as it stands, your husband's estate plan is not fair to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a large family. As the grandchildren are now adults with significant others, it's getting beyond my financial means to buy a Christmas gift for everyone -- something I have always done. I now have a brand-new great-grandchild. What do other grandparents do at holidays about gifts? -- AT MY LIMIT IN NEW YORK

DEAR LIMIT: Some grandparents set an age limit after which gifts cease. Some families have a "pool" from which names are drawn so each family member buys only one gift per family. And other grandparents tell their children and adult grandchildren the truth -- explaining that because they can no longer afford to buy gifts, from now on they'll be exchanging Christmas card greetings only.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing this guy for nine months. We had a good relationship, but then it hit a bump in the road. He was told some false information about me, and instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, he immediately assumed it was true. He said nasty things to me, called me horrible names, and we didn't speak for a month. Once we came back into contact, I forgave him for falsely accusing me and put the episode behind me.

My mother is not as forgiving. She told me I can do better than him, and I should forget about him altogether. I tried to explain how I feel about him and how I want to move on from it. She hasn't had a change of heart and says she does not approve of him. So now I sneak around with him and leave my mother out of the loop.

I want to respect her opinion, but I do not want to give up the guy I love. I don't know what to do. Help! -- TORN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR TORN: I can't salvage this romance and neither can you. There's a term for people who call others "horrible names and say nasty things" to them. They are called "verbal abusers," and the effects of what they say can be lasting. An example would be the way his accusations have affected your mother, who thinks her daughter deserves better, and your relationship with her.

Sneaking around is immature and dishonest. A guy who would help you do that is nothing to brag about. If he loved you as much as you say you love him, he would have apologized not only to you but also to your mother. If he had, she might have changed her opinion about him.

DEAR ABBY: This is a message about our senior population. Our children grow up, marry and have children. Each grandchild is special. We love them and adore being with them. Then the grandkids grow up and have little ones of their own. By this time we're old and sometimes need help with housework, yard work, or just would like to get out of the house to go eat or shop. We still have feelings, and we're not dead. But while it may not be intentional, it seems there is no time for the elderly.

We may say we're fine and don't mind being alone, but it is lonely at times. No one calls to say hello or ask if we need anything. How long does it take to make a call? It would be nice if each family member called once a week or came by once a month. The love we've always had for family is still there and strong.

Children and grandchildren, please think about this and remember: The most important thing you can give your elderly relatives is your TIME. Time is the most precious gift of all and doesn't cost a thing. Someday you will be old, too! -- WISE WOMAN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WISE WOMAN: I'm printing your letter because it carries a message that some families need to hear. That said, I am a strong advocate for individuals who advocate for themselves. Because your children and grandchildren don't call, perhaps it's time you picked up your phone and called them to check in and see how they're doing. And if you are not fine and need help with something, ask for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Christian who is passionate and vocal about being an ally to the LGBTQ community. I have close family members and friends who are part of that community, so I never waiver in my support or understanding. I am also a feminist. These beliefs are deeply a part of who I am and how I live my life.

Recently, my boyfriend's mother and I got into an argument about my support and advocacy for the LGBTQ community. She's very conservative and opinionated, and her viewpoints are outdated. She has denounced the women's movement and scoffed at the idea that men and women aren't treated equally in this day and age.

I tried my best to make good points, but the conversation ended with her telling me I need to pray because my beliefs aren't consistent with my faith. This has alarmed and offended me because my boyfriend remained silent while his mother chastised me. Now I'm worried about our future. If we have children one day, I would never want them to be exposed to such hatred and ignorance.

When I expressed these concerns to my guy, I got the classic, "Well, that's just how she is" response. How can I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend's family if we are at such odds with our core beliefs? -- OPEN-MINDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: You can't. There are none so blind as those who will not see, so don't waste your time trying to get your boyfriend's mother to see the light. And don't hold your breath waiting for your boyfriend to defend you because when it comes to prying open her perspective, he's not up to it. You should have another conversation with him about this, but if you make no headway, recognize it's time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother had beautiful but simple emerald jewelry. When I was 10, she told me that because I was her only grandchild who shared emerald as a birthstone, when she died, the jewelry would be mine.

Fast-forward 30 years. A year before her death, my grandmother asked my mother if there was anything of hers we wanted. Mom immediately mentioned the emerald jewelry for me. Grandma then informed Mom that we were "too late," she'd already given it to my aunt, her daughter-in-law. I never let on to my grandmother how upset I was, but I was devastated. A year later she passed away at 86. It's not her fault that she forgot she'd promised the jewelry to me.

My aunt has no daughters, and the odds are slim that she'll have grandchildren. I don't want to ask her to give me the jewelry. My grandmother was precious to her, too. But would it be wrong to ask her to not promise it to anyone else, and to leave it to me in her will? -- HOPEFUL IN CANADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: You wouldn't be wrong, but it will require a delicate touch. Not only should you do it, you should do it soon, before she does exactly what you fear.